Don't Pass Me By

I'm Alive

2009-09-29T19:52:00.000-07:00

You'll never grasp the understanding of being alive until you've kill something that potentially could have killed you. Technology and remembering to maintain technology are what saved me. I smelled death, tragedy, loss, ruin, and destruction in that late, cool evening. It could have been too late if it weren't for the alarm. I didn't run down the stairs. I floated, never remembering or feeling the steps beneath my feet. Even before the amber spikes appeared to me, I saw the glowing reflection off the wall of the stairway. In one frozen incarnation, I removed myself from the moment and every intimate hue of a fireplace I could remember flashed through my mind. A contrast that - for a fraction of a breath - couldn't have been more at odds.

Amazingly, I was as calm as ever. I tried smothering the beast with the very object it was burning, but struggled to make any progress. Seconds ticked by and I knew it only takes seconds for it to lose control, turning this beast into an unstoppable monster. Fire extinguisher? No. Kitchen rug? Yes! I grabbed it and threw it over and snubbed that little devil out. I took a moment and realized, I could have lost everything. The ones I love. The house I fought to keep. Sentimental possessions. My own life.

The fire was not big at all, but I know I'm lucky. I've never REALLY felt like anyone or anything was looking out for me until this moment. I feel like I've been straightened out. I feel like a mouth that just sucked in its first gulp of air after spitting out mouthwash. This fire ignited the self-awareness of being alive. My pulse means something again.

5K

2009-03-30T20:11:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be running another 5K in April. I ran this same one 2 years ago. It's amazing to see all these little kids and old farts zooming past you like you were ankle deep in molasses. They post your time on the internet. I came in 333/1540 overall & 64/175 for my gender/age bracket. No kid under 10 beat me. However, in the 10-14 range, 8 boys and 3 girls beat me. The fastest boy in that range not only beat me, he killed it by 6 whole minutes! Also, 7 runners over 60 beat me. Grandpa had enough time to complete his crossword puzzle AND put on his sweater before I finished!

This year I know I can do a little better. I'm hoping to shave at least 3 minutes off. My goal is to try to crack the Top 100...and trip some of those damn rug rats while I'm at it!

Chasing My Tail

2009-03-17T19:57:00.000-07:00

There are things to do and go through everyday. Big things. Small things. Looking for and getting a new job. Making the decision to have a baby. Tying your shoelace. Going to a concert. Going to a funeral. Buying clothes. Pursuing our dreams...or as I like to call it, "chasing our tails."

I don't mean that in a pessimistic way at all, though. What I mean, is it's not about all these things or even accomplishing anything. It's not about anything tangible or some certificate or award you put up on your wall. It's about the feeling you're left with after the experience of going through it all. These feelings tell you and everyone who you are.

If you look at it this way, it doesn't even matter if you've been through some horrible, horrible things in your life. It doesn't matter if you were dealt a bad hand. No matter where you're at in life, you have the ability to move forward. Time does it for you. It never leaves you stuck in a moment. So if things are bad, it'll be over soon. And when things are good, be thankful while it lasts. Dogs are so determined, happy & oblivious when running around in circles. Take a lesson from our canine companions, and never stop chasing your tail...sniff a butt while your at it.

Email Etiquette

2009-02-07T08:21:00.000-08:00

I don't care if you spell tons of words wrong in an email - whether on purpose or accidentally. I don't care if you use wrong grammar or punctuation. I don't care if you somehow manage not to cross your t's (that would be weird). I don't care if it takes a few days to get back to me. I don't care what font or color you use. I don't care if there are tons of pics or a large file attached. I don't care if you leave the subject blank.

But

If I ask you a question in an email, I expect an answer. Most frustrating of all: if I ask you more than one question and you only answer the last question, I might become a serial killer. Sometimes, I'll purposely make the email VERY short because I have a suspicion that this person won't answer everything if I get too into the details. Hypothetical example:

Me: Hello. What is you favorite color? What state do you live in?

Response: Hi! I live in Kentucky!

Now, put that example into something a little bit more important...say...something to do with you financial situation.

arrhaharhrahhrahrhaharhrahh

Open Letter to Marty McFly

2009-01-31T09:19:00.000-08:00

An Open Letter from Doc Brown to Marty McFly

Dear Marty-

Having recently reviewed the surveillance footage of the events of the night you went back to 1985, I couldn’t help but be slightly taken aback by your spurious reasoning of only allowing TEN FUCKING MINUTES to save my life. Ten minutes??? Really. You actually thought that you could get from the Courthouse to Twin Pines Mall (I’m sorry, I mean LONE Pine Mall now – way to run over a tree) in ten minutes. What the hell did you think that could accomplish? What were you going to do? Vanquish the Libyans with your shortness? Yeah, I said it. YOU’RE TINY. Listen, you little feathered-haired leprechaun, any one of these Hill Valley mouthbreathers would have had the good sense to go back, oh I don’t know, AT LEAST A DAY to give me time to prepare for the Middle East extremists and their Summer of Love van of fucking DEATH, what with having a device that has mastered the dimension of TIME and all. And I’m INCLUDING Biff in that group. You are lucky that I have a compulsive disorder when it comes to taping paper back together. Otherwise you’d have been as useless as Einstein with a Vernier caliper. Mark my words, Stuart Little, as SOON as I get this DeLorean up and running again (thanks for turning my car into a fucking lightning rod, BTW) I SWEAR I am going to go back and convince Jennifer to dump your Hobbit ass so you can go on that dumbshit camping trip alone.

Thanks for watching me get shot twice,

PS - You’re fucking CHICKEN.

Stuff

2009-01-24T14:42:00.000-08:00

I don't like stuff. I mean i like certain stuff, but most stuff I don't like. The problem, especially with Americans, is that we collect stuff. Why? Because we can. If people that couldn't collect stuff, could collect stuff, they would. Not only do we buy things we don't need, we buy things we don't need and don't even like that much. We might not ever use it. Or we'll use it once or twice, then it becomes a dust magnet somewhere in the trenches of our home. Then, there are free things. I guess in an attempt to get rid of these things, we give them away to other people, damn well knowing their irresistible urge to collect stuff.

Hey, you never know when you'll need a 20 pack of Super Hook Wall Hangers (as seen on TV). Perfect for home, office, or school. Holds up to 100 lbs. And, no, i haven't used one yet. But I have them, just in case. Heck, I could plug two of them into a wall and it would support my weight. I could install a floating chair from the wall!

Recently, I've been trying to get rid of stuff. Most of it is garbage. Other things I've been giving away. I can't take it anymore. Stuff!!!!! I don't want! My ideal home is very simplistic. I would call it Post-Modern Chic Minimalism. I want the homes that you see in the magazines - the ones you look at and say, "no one lives there." But I want to live there.

So, anything I come across in my home, I look at it and it gets judged. Do I need this thing? Has anyone used it in months? No? Bye-bye.

So take this as a warning, stuff. Your time is up.

1st Goal Reached!

2009-01-22T08:05:00.000-08:00

I'm 170! Lost a total of 9 lbs. My next goal is 159 lbs. It'll be gradual, but I'll get there.

Dominoes of Death

2008-12-28T07:36:00.000-08:00

Police discovered that the Santa gunman who killed 9 people earlier this week and then himself had recently lost his job and wife. It's horrible. It should be illegal to lose a job or leave a spouse if one or the other had recently happened. Some other things that should be factored in: the death of a spouse or close family member, a pet running away or dying, your best friend cheating on you, your house burning down, being paralyzed in an accident, finding out you have a terminal illness...you get the point. Of course it's impossible to prevent certain things from happening, but in certain cases, maybe it should be mandatory that if ANY two of the above-mentioned items or similar events happen to one person, they are immediately rushed to a facility for evaluation and treatment. Oh, we can also factor in losing your car keys. Man, I hate when that happens.

PS: I haven't weighed myself recently. I'm afraid. The holidays suck with endless supplies of snacks and desserts. I'll weigh in next time...after I've run a marathon on the treadmill.

5 lbs and naming underwear

2008-12-21T18:19:00.000-08:00

Ok, I've lost 5 lbs since my last post. Go me! The medical recommendation for my height is 136 - 179 lbs. For the record, I'm already within this range, but more toward the higher end. I'm working toward getting to the lower end (and eliminating some of my OWN lower end, if you know what I mean.) The average weight that other people of my age, height, weight and gender would describe as their ideal weight is 170. So my first goal is to get to that weight. Of course, men tend to say their ideal weight should be higher than what is healthy (and women do the opposite). So after that goal, I should strive for even lower. There are many tables that have been created for ideal height/weight ratios. According to a table created by Metropolitan Life Insurance company in 1979, the lowest range for my height is 157. From there, I would love to be back at 145-150 again.

1st goal: 170
2nd goal: 157
Final goal: 145-150

Does anyone have a favorite pair of underwear? I do. I call him Blue. Oh, what? You don't name your underwear? I do. They all have names. I didn't start doing this until I was in my 20's. I don't know why, but it's fun. Hey, if you can make ANY part of your life a tad more enjoyable, I say go for it.

Some other names of my undies: Baby Blue, Turtle, Frogger, Algebra, Lumberjack, Midnight, Skyscraper, St. Robert (cause they're holey...get it, holey, holy), and Electric Lemonade.

If you haven't tried naming your underwear, you're missing out.

Tread on me

2008-12-16T19:51:00.000-08:00

I've never been good at gaining OR losing weight. My body just likes to weigh what it weighs. I can eat like a horse (do horses really eat a lot?) or eat nothing for weeks and I will always maintain my weight. Girls get jealous when I say this. Guys don't care.

Since I started at my new job over a year ago, I've been fairly sedentary. I love sports, jogging, hiking, and just being outdoors in general, but(t) this year has been a Sit On My Ass year, pretty much. Well, I did jog some over the summer, but not as much as years before. And winters are notoriously bad for me, since I have trouble jogging outside in the cold.

I feel unfit. Not that I'm overweight by anyone's standards, but I'm gonna try to lose some pounds. I'm cutting back fast foods & processed foods and I'm getting back into a routine again, especially now that I moved my treadmill to the bedroom. It previously resided in my basement, where I couldn't use it without hitting my head on the ceiling.

So, since this is a blog, I guess I should keep a log of my progress. So, today marks 0 lbs lost. I'll weigh myself everyday and post the stats as I write my entries here. Wish me luck.

Milk & Cookies

2008-12-14T21:48:00.000-08:00

**Caution** This blog entry might forever be remembered each time you have milk and cookies.

If there was such thing as a food orgasm, it would be the utter ecstasy experienced when you drink milk after having cookies:

You wake up and have breakfast. It's a nice first meal, but the day is young and things just don't work out in the end for the two of you. You complain that you don't like the taste of orange juice after brushing your teeth...the breakfast complains that you don't appreciate it enough. Typical first meal kind of stuff. Blah, blah. You break up and move on.

After working for a little bit, you start snacking on some stuff that's bad for you. These one night stands are nice, but it makes you feel guilty. What if all these snacks ruin your real meal? Finally, you stop playing around and decide it's time to get back in the game again. With all the choices, it's difficult to choose a lunch, but you make your choice and go with it. Damn. It has tomatoes on it! You try to take the tomatoes off, and the sandwich is like, "why are you trying to change me?" You say, "this isn't what I wanted!" It says, "we'll you knew what you were getting when you got me! I should have listened when they told me what happened with breakfast!" You get an upset stomach, blah blah. You break up and move on.

Now that you're on the rebound, you start snacking again...hardcore. You're not even hungry, but your eating junk food like there's no tomorrow. You finally realize that this isn't the way to go. A friend reassures you that every time you lose a meal, a newer, better meal is right around the corner. Time goes by so slowly. You count the minutes.

It's getting late, and you are starving. It's time to get serious. You look around and decide very carefully because you only get one shot at this last meal. Finally, you have a date with a dinner at a restaurant. You dress nicely, and get some foreplay appetizers. Mmmm! The smell and savory bites really work you up, but just so subtly enough to make you crave more. You kiss the wine and order your carefully selected dinner. You imagine what it'll taste like...all the herbs and spices and aromas. You race to finish the appetizers and before you know it, your dinner slowly comes down to your table. The presentation is marvelous! All those curves and the colors!! You start salivating. It's just as you imagined! As you stick the first bite into your mouth, euphoria kicks in. It's like magic. You begin eating and your mouth provides more saliva to lubricate the food going down your throat. Things even get a little messy, but you don't care. A spoon falls on the floor, yummy noises are being made, and you're so proud of the all the moves you have with alternating the eating and drinking and combining certain foods. The waiter comes over, but you're like, "Not now!" But you soon realize, you'll need something special at the end of this meal. You yell out "Milk and Cookies!!!!" You scrape up the last morsels as fast as you can. You start licking the plate and then...and then...the waiter releases the plate of cookies in front of you and places the milk down next to it. You barely have time to breathe before you start shoveling the cookies into your mouth. Faster and faster, you devour the cookies, crumbs and all until they are all gone. The tension builds as your esophagus becomes partially clogged with gooey cookie heaven. You feel it coming. You KNOW it's coming. You reach for the tall glass of milk, raise it to your lips, lift the glass up and begin the most incredible swallowing orgasm that ever existed. Each gulp contracts your throat muscles as your eyes roll back and your toes curl tightly. YES! YES! YES! burp.

That, my friend...is milk & cookies.

Just like people really make one day...

2008-11-27T22:01:00.000-08:00

Another word cloud. These are the words I use most in all my blogs below. The larger the word, the more I use it. I like how "good" and "song" are next to each other! I need to stop typing "like" and "just" so much...like really. Click the image for a larger, clearer view.

Why carpe diem is not hard to grasp

2008-11-09T17:45:00.000-08:00

Average life expectancy is just under 78 years.

25 years sleeping.

11 years working.

3 years eating.

1.5 years (NOT considering college) being in school.

1 year commuting to work.

1 year showering.

1 year peeing & pooing.

So far, we've shaved our lives down to 34.5 years. I could keep going, with things like being sick or injured, grocery shopping, doing chores & errands, & other stuff we routinely do that we don't particularly like to do. It's the story of the shrinking life.

Don't let people tell you it's a long life. You only get a certain number of years to do the things you want to do, so make them count. Carpe diem doesn't mean you have to sky dive or wrestle a bear every day. It just means that you need to push yourself. Be a little more outgoing and get out of the routine. There's no time for complaining, fighting or worrying. There are so many possibilities of things to do in this lifetime. Your purpose is to think about these possibilities and do something about them.

I hope the 2 minutes it took reading this post changes the other 16,398,720 minutes* of your life.

*minus what you've lived already

1

2008-10-28T19:55:00.000-07:00

I let the wind control where I go.
What the hell does that mean?
It means let life happen and enjoy the ride.
So you believe in destiny?
Well (pause) no. I mean you have control over stuff, but for the most part, a lot of things come at you unexpectedly. I just believe in making the best of it.
Nah, it sounds like destiny, dude.
Not if you think about it... I hate the word destiny. I think it's a foolish debate anyway.
No, that's cool how you think about it.
Yeah. I mean, do you ever feel like - whether it's good or bad - that you were meant to be at this place in your life? And when new people come into your life, it's as if, you knew you were going to have them in your life? You know? Something just feels comfortable about it.
That's so destiny you're talking about!
NO! Well, you can call it whatever you want. I believe you have control over some things. So, it's like a mix. You can change your destiny a little.
Luke, it is unavoidable. It is your destiny! Haha!
Retard.
But that sounds weird: change your destiny.
Dude, forget it.
Ok.

So, what are you going to do about the problem? I think you're totally fucked.
I don't know, yet. This is huge.
Why don't you just let the wind take care of it.
(Sarcastically) Ha ha. Seriously, this is the worst catch 22 ever. All that work & research I've done and now I'm lying to all those that helped me. I can't even use the damn thing! It's useless! I don't know who to trust and the whole thing rests on Tierson's word he'd keep his mouth shut. Who the hell is going to help me? I can't just drop the bomb on anyone.
I wish you hadn't even told me, man. I can't even help you.
You're different. I told you just because I needed to tell someone. I couldn't take it! I was going nuts!
What if Tierson has the same problem? You think he told anyone?
Fuck. I don't even want to think about it.
Pull over here. I want to get a drink.
Ok, hurry up, though. We need to keep rolling.

The importance of being self-important

2008-10-14T18:47:00.000-07:00

I love how MySpace just pops up on my screen. So convenient now that it's my home page.

Hmm, I hate typing my email address & password all the time, but if I click on Remember Me, someone might sneak into my account and hack it or something. So, I guess I'll just keep typing it in because I need to maintain my profile. Ahhh! I misspelled my password because I was so anxious to sign in! Ok, now it's good, whew.

Ohhh, messages! Yes! More friends! Yes! Ew, I don't even know this person. But I'll add them anyway. This band looks stupid. Leave me alone. But I'll add them too because it'll just give me more friends.

Ok, let's go to my main page. Ahhh, there's me!!! Yay! I still look so cute! Should I change my headline? Nooo, I still like it! haha Time to add some new pics.

Ok, now I should post a bulletin letting all my friends know that I've posted the new pics. Ohhh, and I will write a blog about how I just ate a banana. It was so gross, but I ate it anyway. And then Joey made fun of me saying that I'd eat anything. Then, I started thinking I was too fat. What a funny story! I'll also add how I just added new pics. I bet my friends will comment, telling me I look beautiful!

Time to steal some friends from my friends! More friends, yay!

I'm gonna go look for a new layout for my profile. Ohhh, this one's hot! I love pink. Those sparkles are awesome. I don't care if it slows down my page. It makes my profile pic look even better!

I definitely should change my profile song. It's been over 3 days with this new Rhiannon song. Geez, I'm slackin!

Let's look at other bulletins...OHHHH survey time!!!! This one's long, but I have to do it. Plus, all my friends will be reading about me. Yay! Oh, it asks what I was just doing. I'll put that I posted new pics again!

I'm gonna write a blog about the bulletin now. I have to email my friend, Stacy to let her know that I just wrote a blog about the bulletin in which I answered that I just posted new pics, then wrote a bulletin and a blog about the new pics, so my friends wouldn't miss the fact that there are new images of me available! Hotness!!!!

------

Ok, I'm sick now.

I've never...

2008-10-09T17:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, you can learn more about someone by what they HAVEN'T done.

I've never...

(medically)
been admitted to a hospital
been the reason to go to an emergency room
broken a bone
had stitches
had a severe burn
needed glasses
needed braces
had any major disorders

(morally)
killed anyone
severely injured anyone
stolen anything expensive
been arrested
received a speeding ticket or moving violation
avoided or cheated my taxes
killed any animals with my car
driven drunk

(travel)
been off this continent
went up the Washington Monument
went up the St. Louis Arch
touched, swam in, or floated on the Mississippi River
been to Mexico
been to Disneyland
been to Alaska or Hawaii
been to a late night talk show

(fun)
shaved my head
gone mountain climbing
gone sky-diving
gotten a tattoo
spent money at a strip club
been to an NFL football game
sang solo karaoke in front of people
gone skiing

(weird)
seen a UFO, ghost, alien, Bigfoot, or Nessie
touched a dead person
hallucinated
been unconscious
broken a mirror
had my palm read
attempted to cast a spell
seen Siamese twins

What Will Your Discography Be?

2008-09-21T20:37:00.000-07:00

Life is like music. A generation is an opus. A decade is a box set. A year is an album. A month is an EP. A week is a single. A day is a song. An hour is a chorus. A minute is a phrase. A second is a note.

Each day, you get a chance to write a song, so to speak. All we have are the things we say and the things we do. It seems like an easy thing to do: to control these 2 things. But any fool could even tell you it's not. Sometimes a horribly placed note can ruin a song. But we try to learn from those mistakes. We try to become prolific composers in our own world. We learn how to arrange those notes into coherent phrases. The most memorable part of your day is the chorus. Maybe one hour in your life changed a person's life or your own. Besides, these are the hooks that shape us.

At the end of the day, you've finished your song. Maybe your pet ran away or your car finally quit on you or your girlfriend left you. Yep, you wrote a country song. Maybe you sat around and got high with a bunch of your old college buddies. Yep, you wrote a jam song. Maybe you scored with 3 babes in one night and then rode a motorcycle into a fountain. Yep, you wrote a rock song. Maybe you got caught looking at the wiener of the guy who was peeing next to you in the bathroom. Yup, you just covered George Michael. You get the point.

The notes can pass by so quickly. Sometimes there are others that create great harmony with you...sometimes they create dissonance. Hopefully, they always resolve. Take time to notice these notes. Listen to other people's music. You're not a one-hit wonder. The analogies can go on forever. I guess this is an aspect I've always been attracted to about music. It's a philosophy I can understand. We all emit these vibrations. Like in the song "Good Vibrations" - no not by The Beach Boys. The Marky Mark song. He says, "Yeah. Can you feel it, baby? I can too." Ha-ha, no I'm just kidding! No, but really, later in the song, he says, "Making you feel the rhythm is my occupation. So feel the vibration." That's what I'm talking about...I think.

Top 10 Reasons Why I'm Not a Jerk

2008-09-13T20:34:00.000-07:00

There's been a lot of speculation out there that I might be a jerk, so I just wanted to clear my name.

10. I enjoy working with and being around children. I once came up with an invention that calmed kids suffering from attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder called Tranq-kid-lizers, that operated similarly to blow darts.

9. I love animals. When I was much younger, I teased my pet dog by dangling a Twizzler in my mouth. As he quickly snatched it from me, he took a piece of my lip with him. I didn't hold it against him.

8. I care about world hunger. When I sit down to eat, no matter how much is on my plate, I make sure I finish every last bite because I know there are starving people in Africa. Sometimes, I almost puke. But I don't...'cause, well, there are starving people.

7. I give great advice. A friend of mine was thinking about killing himself and I told him, "you shouldn't do that." Luckily, that's all it took and he's still with us to this day!

6. I give blood. I asked the nurse if there was any way they could specially store my blood so I would be the only one to use it in case I was in some horrible accident. She didn't honor me with an answer, but I still gave blood anyway.

5. I do volunteer work. An acquaintance asked me if I wanted to volunteer for an event that his organization was holding. I told him that since he was asking me, I wasn't technically volunteering to do it. He disagreed. After about 5 minutes of very intense debate, I conceded.

4. I respect the elderly. Whenever an old person is driving really slow in front of me, I don't honk. I might curse, tailgate, or illegally pass them as I flip them the bird, then cut them off, but I don't honk. That would be very jerk-ish.

3. I'm an environmentalist. The first thing I did when I moved in here was update my bathroom to make it "green." It was previously a boring white color and I can't deal with that in the morning. Plus, the green makes me think about the environment and the things I possibly could be doing to help contribute to help save our planet.

2. I'm sensitive. I cried a lot during this year's Olympics. One of the young Chinese gymnasts wobbled on the balance beam and fell off, thus ruining her chance at obtaining any sort of medal and shattering a dream she's been chasing for 4 years. When she did that little dance trying to maintain her balance, I laughed so hard, I cried. it was hysterical!

1. I never brag about all the reasons why I'm not a jerk.

2008-09-06T20:50:00.000-07:00

I think it would be interesting if....

the presidential debates were conducted in the manner of YouTube comments.

Kurt Cobain was still alive.

gasoline was illegal.

the whole world was blind.

the winds from hurricanes smelled like farts.

we lost the Revolutionary War.

Christina Applegate donated her boobies to the Museum of Natural History.

they made a sequel to The Princess Bride.

9/11 never happened.

at the moment of conception, a bell would ding.

people said what they really thought.

McCain and Obama arm wrestled.

television was never invented.

instead of a handshake, having sex was the customary greeting.

there was a cure for cancer.

Mr. T showed up at my door with balloons.

the government took away all of our current debts.

our world was half the size that it is.

I had a reality show.

Jesus comes back tomorrow, but he all he wants do is play Wii.

people actually got what they deserved.

you told someone about this blog.

Marshmallows, blinds, eye's popping out & old comedic heroes

2008-08-30T20:28:00.000-07:00

Today is National Toasted Marshmallow Day. I ate a Rice Krispies Treat that had marshmallows in it, but I guess it wasn't toasted. I'm going to go do this right, hold on. Ok, I just toasted a marshmallow on the stove and ate it. It was a mini-marshmallow. Hey, it's the best I could do. When I was younger, I thought it was marshmellow. Tomorrow is National Trail Mix Day. I'm not sure if I have any trail mix. I better get some.

I installed six horizontal blinds today. I'm a blinds master. I deserve a black belt in blinds. Ok, I get it. They call them blinds, because when they are closed up, you can't see out them. Did we call earplugs deafs? No. Did we call anesthetic numbs? No. Did we call noseplugs anosmias? No. Did we call...um, ...uhh, I don't know anything that takes away the sense of taste....OHH, did we call Taco Bell ageusias? No. I think blinds are a stupid name. [Yes I looked anosmia and ageusia up]

The weirdest thing I've heard all week: "Yeah, my dog's eye popped out once, but I massaged it, and it went back in." This was the whole extent of the topic. The conversation abruptly moved on after that. I don't remember what was said for the next several minutes, because I was so fixated on that statement. I was on the very edge of laughing, but I held it in. I had one of those, eye-watering, half-smile / half-restrained looks, with eyebrows raised & everything. The lady was oblivious. She was from my home town, where everyone knew each other. She had a son 3 years younger than me. She asked me how old I was. I told her I didn't want to say. I think I remember her yelling & chasing after me for doing God knows what one summer when I was much younger.

I think Laurel & Hardy were superior to The 3 Stooges. L&H's timing was way better. It wasn't so cornball like The 3 Stooges. I think there's a subtle artistry that was inherent with L&H that didn't exist with The3S. Plus, I like the visual balance of heavy guy, thin guy, straight guy, funny guy. With The3S, you got Moe, who's the angry, straight guy, Larry, the goofy nutjob, and Curly, the wiseguy. Yeah, their all different, but there's no day and night balance. It's like trying to invent a see-saw for three people. Hey, I'd debate this anytime, rather than the election!

Archive #3

2008-08-28T17:35:00.001-07:00

March 17, 2008 - Monday

Warmness

Spring starts on Thursday!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like I’ve been hibernating this whole winter. It’s time to wake Fontana up!

9:05 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

March 15, 2008 - Saturday

Being Busy

I understand being busy. Most of us lead very hectic lives and it’s difficult to find time to keep in touch with everyone. It’s sad sometimes. I wish it was a perfect world. I wish all the good people I meet - both online and offline - weren’t so busy. I wish communication was easier....and I say this not because clicking the mouse a few times and typing a few greetings & "how are ya’s" is so troublesome, but it’s so easy to just....well, forget.

There might be some other reasons, too, why the people I’ve met chose just to drop off the face of the earth. It may have something to do with me....something I’ve done, something I’ve said, a combination of both, or something that has changed in their personal life, family problems, sickness, etc. Maybe *I’m* the one who hasn’t dropped *them* a line in a while, and they are somewhat offended. I don’t know. I’d just hate for friendships to suffer because of something stupid.

This isn’t directed at anyone specifically. This is actually preaching to the choir, probably. This is more just a reminder that jobs, money, material things, & entertainment aren’t as important as friends. Cherish the good people you meet. Don’t let them go. They’re one of the few things that matter in this life.

8:33 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

March 13, 2008 - Thursday

The Pit

I was playing drums in a pit. It was pretty deep, but it had an entryway leading to it. I barely got the kit set up and the rest of the band started playing. I was being tested to see how well I played, although I’d never heard the song before. The previous drummer did it the same way...he just made it up as he went along. This is what I was supposed to do as well. Would I be better than him? Why am I in this pit? Why are people being lead on a tour in the back parts of the entryway behind me? I wanted to just stop right there and say this isn’t fair. I need to practice first. I wanted to give up. I felt frustrated. I’m not sure what happened after that. I blacked out. I woke up. I wandered. I wondered.

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March 7, 2008 - Friday

Music

Thanks, Mama. I wish you were still around. The right song at the right time can make everything clear. Your song helped me more than anything, even after so long.

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March 4, 2008 - Tuesday

Good Night

Sometimes you need to lose things in order to find things. What is it you're looking for? What will you let go of? What will life be like when you find it? Different. Life will be different. An easy trek yields little growth while a persevered journey reaps wisdom. Let go, but don't give up. Go forward and don't give in.

Good night.

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February 25, 2008 - Monday

EMO!

What the hell is emo...really? You could do a search for it online and find all sorts of definitions. I'm sure there are many blogs and sites that will detail it far better than I'm about to, but I'd like to humor myself. I'll give my perspective on it.

Emo can apply to people, fashion, music, art, etc. It's mainly used as an adjective. Of course emo is short for emotion or emotional. This doesn't really mean they are dramatic with everything. A lot of times, it's quite the opposite. However, they are "emotional" on the inside and express it through other forms, if not through speech or reactions.

Fashion: Anything black is good, whether it's clothing, make-up, jewelry, or accessories. Some color isn't against their religion (especially red or white), but black is a necessity somewhere in the equation. Hair is usually swept down, sometimes obstructing one eye & heavy eye makeup is very common. Fashion will sometimes include some emo art (see below).

Art: Again, dark colors and dark-themed. Some icons of emo include blood, hearts, tears, emo people/cartoons, death, suicide, words/phrases/quotes of dark themes, sadness, knives, sarcastic pessimism, etc. Poetry & music are common forms of expressing these images as well as normal, everyday issues.

Music: This one's tough, because there's lots of debate about it. It has it's roots in punk and goth, but with a subtle, modern flair. It started out as an underground scene, but it became popular and tossed into the mainstream. Now, it's not uncommon for many bands which were previously considered emo to disassociate themselves with the branding. Emo music has many of the same qualities of other genres of music, so it's no wonder there's debate. For me, emo is most distinctive through the singing style. The vocals are over-emphasized and almost pleading with the listener. They can range from whispers to screaming (screamo), but there's always a certain attitude involved. The music is usually upbeat, ranging from pop-punk to metal. I know, this description doesn't help it contrast with other styles of music much, but like I said, it's subtle and not even worth debating. It's like arguing if amber is more yellow or orange. Basically, if you think something might be emo, just call it emo. If the band disagrees so passionately, remind them that they are being over"emo"tional.

People: You are emo or have some emo tendencies if anything mentioned above applies to you. Remember, no matter which era you live in, there will always be a large group of people who feel like they don't fit in with normal society. You can call them hippies, punks, nerds, goth, emo, etc...it all serves the same purpose. I don't even think it's about being unique, it's just about creating a class of their own. It's a way of seperating away from what society deems standard.

So that's it...IMO.

Emo is like any other style. It'll go away, both in individuals and eventually as a whole. People change. They grow up and want to lead different lifestyles. People get bored. It'll run it's course (some say it already has). Someday, a new outcast class will come into existance and the same discussions will happen all over again. And when it does, I'm sure I'll blog about it....or zlog or hallographog or whatever exists in the future.

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February 20, 2008 - Wednesday

It Shall Happen....NOW!

There's a lunar eclipse happening right now, which made me think...

I bet the first guy who was able to predict an eclipse probably kept it a secret and used it to his advantage to wow the villagers. They probably thought he was God. At least that's what I would have done.

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February 17, 2008 - Sunday

I Feel Really Bad About This / But It’s Funny

Every once in a while I'll get an email that's meant for another person. Usually, I'll either ignore it or tell them they have the wrong person.

Recently, I got another one. It was from a web consultant discussing a spoken agreement on the percentage of commission he'll receive in exchange for maintaining and upgrading the client's website. I ignored it for a few days, but for some reason, I never deleted it. I think I mentioned it to a few people just as daily gossip. Someone suggested that I should reply back pretending to be the client. I did. Well, I'll just paste it below and you can see for yourself! It's in chronological order and I've omitted personal information for their privacy. Seems like I'm quite the persuader. ;-)

Bill,

Email from Feb 1st below...

----- Original Message -----
From: John Doe
To: Someone that's not me, but it got to me
Sent: Friday, February 01, 2008 3:40 PM
Subject: our website agreement

Bill/Tony:

10% commissions on business generated through the website works for me.

Our Agreement - 10% commissions in exchange for website maintenance/updates. That is my understanding of what we talked about over the phone the other night Bill.

Therefore, I have set things up so that both you and I will get a copy of any email from prospective customers that click on your email link or fill out your online form on the website. The only part you'll have to document is if someone finds the site and calls you directly because I will have no way of knowing that.

Thanks,

John

John Doe Web Consulting

----- Original Message -----
From: Me pretending to be Bill
To: John Doe
Sent: Friday, February 15, 2008 6:10 PM
Subject: Re: our website agreement

John,

I'm actually thinking that maybe we should start the 10% commission after a set amount of $500 is made per month. It shouldn't be too difficult now to update or maintain the site. I'm sorry for the last minute change, but Tony thinks we could have rendered your services for much cheaper. Would this be workable?

Bill

{GET READY FOR THIS REPLY!...}

----- Original Message -----
From: John Doe
To: Me
Sent: Friday, February 15,
Subject: Re: our website agreement

Bill,

The reason why I re-designed every web page of the site and continue to tweak the site for SEO was our initial agreement of 10% of retail business generated through the website. That is why I haven't charged for site redesign or SEO maintenance. I am a little upset that Tony said that you guys could have gotten my services for alot cheaper. I would agree with that if I only designed the website and did not produce any search engine results at all. There are businesses that pay thousands of dollars for 1st page results in Google and MSN.

=========================================================================================================================
For Tony:
I would advise him to get a quote from a few other SEO/Website Design Companies in our area and price the work I have done. Actually, here are 2 examples for him: http://www.janescomputersmadeeasy.com/webinformation.htm and http://www.scarletsweb.com/rates.html. Computers Made Easy would have charged a minimum of $750 just for a 5 page site then SEO ranging from $500 to $1,000 and up. So at best you are looking at $1,250 minimum not included hourly or monthly website maintenance or SEO maintenance fees. And as far as Scarlet's Web, this small web design business charges $75/hour. Their starter site package consist of up to 8 pages, up to 10 photos, contact form, sitemap, and Consultation - SEO, Navigation, Marketing and it costs $2,500 not including website or SEO maintenance fees. Your site has 5 pages, photos, contact form, sitemap and awesome SEO.

Google
(he puts various search engine searches here) - 5th out of 205,000
---- - 1st out of 599,000
------- - 8th out of 1,940,000
--------- - 10th out of 69,500
---------- - 1st out of 46,200

* All first page results.

MSN
--------- - 1st and 2nd out of 2,590,000
--------- - 1st and 2nd out of 2,610,000
--------- - 1st out of 125,000
---------- - 1st out of 292,000

* All first page results.
=========================================================================================================================

Back to you Bill...

How does this sound?

10% on retail business and 5% on wholesale business, with after $500 per month made.

OR

10% on retail only, no set amount per month made.

So we are both on the same page, the shop phone number will be removed from the site and consumers will be instructed to email their order to you so we both get a copy of the email message.

Let me know.

Thanks,

John

{I FESS UP :-( ...}
----- Original Message -----
From: Me
To: John Doe
Sent: Friday, February 16
Subject: Re: our website agreement

John,

I am so sorry. This isn't Bill. You must have gotten the wrong email by accident. I thought it might be funny to play a little prank on you and take advantage of your mistake. I also thought you'd immediately detect that it was phony and realize this mistake. Again, I'm so sorry if I've caused you any stress over my foolishness. I sincerely apologize.

I know it's none of my business, but I do admire your thorough explanation of your services and worth. If anything, let this mishap reaffirm that quality in you. The previous deal you made with Bill & Tony is more than generous. Don't make any sacrifices because it seems like you do your job very well and you should get paid for what you're worth.

Sincerely,
Not Bill

12:38 AM - 0 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit – Remove

February 10, 2008 - Sunday

Update

Man, I really thought this song would be finished by now. In my defense, I've been quite distracted lately. I have been working some on the music side, but I'm not sure if I'll record it to share on here. I think I only promised lyrics anyway. :-) I will be posting some pics eventually of another "project" I'll be starting. It's something I've been meaning to do for about 10 years now, so it's been a long time coming. I'm excited to start!

Hope everyone's weekend was swell. Valentine's in coming up, so watch out for Cupid this week. He's known for SAWI throughout the year. SAWI? Oh, that means Shooting Arrows While Intoxicated. His aim is all over the place sometimes. Mine was an e-arrow in a bingo chatroom. ;-) Cupid must have gotten hip to the whole internet thing from his cousin Lusty. Lusty hangs around all those adult web sites. (His arrows don't really work) Anyway, hug 'em if ya got 'em. And if you don't....well, Valentine's is just another stupid day. You can always hang out with Lusty. Cheers!

4:23 PM - 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

February 2, 2008 - Saturday

Art & Life

Art is about possibilities, not rules.

8:33 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

More Revisions

Moved some stuff around, reworked some sections, etc. It's coming along. Almost done. Music-wise, I have some chord ideas, with an uptempo beat. Lots of opportunities for word painting with the music, too.

Great, another hour's passed away
And there's nothing you wish to say
Old needleteeth lurks the alleys
Hiding out behind O'Mallie's
He knows me all too well
There's not a trick he couldn't sell
What is there left to do
When my lips are turning blue?

Why do I beat myself up
When I can't even stand up
Now stand up
Stand up
And take it on the chin

A right is thrown by Death
On one knee, I've lost my breath
Scratches drag down my heart
He says this is just the start
Dripping in the mud
It's only blood

Perfect, another day's been derailed
Another chance for me to say that I've failed
Even if the clouds weren't looming
I highly doubt I'd be blooming

Why do I beat myself up
When I can't even stand up
Now stand up
Stand up
And take it on the chin

A right is thrown by Death
On one knee, I've lost my breath
Scratches drag down my heart
He says this is only the start
Dripping in the mud
It's only blood

It's been a long, long night
Not sure if I can last another fight
Will morning wake up to spring
What hope will daylight bring

Gashes on my heart
This could be my new start
Spurting in the mud
It's only blood

The sun can pull me up

5:05 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

January 30, 2008 - Wednesday

Missing Something

Ever wonder where a lost thing goes? It still exists. You know it exists, but it's just out of your view. You feel the loss. You wonder if you'll ever see it again, though deep inside, you know the chances are slim. You go back and think about the times when you last had it. You can spend all day looking for it, devising a plan, retracing your steps, getting others to help you...and maybe you've already done all these things and turned up with nothing. You think, "it's gone for good." That phrase doesn't even make sense. It should be "gone for worse." You'll sit in bed, thinking about it, right up until the point where you can't hold your thoughts together and you start having trouble remembering exactly what you were thinking of in the first place. Then you fall asleep, possibly dreaming about you and that thing frolicking through the clouds, enjoying a blissful day in wonderland, only to awake the next morning with the same empty feeling in your soul. You become desperate and while in the shower, you let loose and start crying, pleading with the Man Upstairs to give you back what you long for. How can life be so unfair? Maybe you start to think of replacing the lost thing, but then catch yourself, scolding the very idea that it can just be replaced like that. It's priceless to you. You'll never come across it again. Nothing will ever be like it. You have the memories to taunt and haunt you. You never quite appreciated what you had until it was gone. Maybe that's why it's missing. You grew comfortable and let your guard down. It got away. What a cruel world we can live in. How can this be allowed to happen?

Seriously, if anyone's seen my sock, I'd be so grateful for its return. For now I will live with 33 socks...such an odd number. It doesn't have to be this way.

9:01 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

January 29, 2008 - Tuesday

Sickness

As mentioned in my previous blog, I was sick for a while....caught some sort of virus. I was getting better and then I got it again...even worse. I'm finally starting to feel normal again, but I'd like to share the symptoms I had so you can feel sorry for me.

Nausea
Fever
Body aches
Head aches
Severe chills
Sweating
Severe fatique
Diarrhea
Vomiting
Insomnia
Loss of appetite/thirst
Dehydration
Bloody nose
Dizziness
Slight Cough

I lost close to 5 lbs in a matter of a few days, too. I call it the South Barf Diet. I hear it's sweeping the modeling world. Did I mention I can't wait until winter is over?

I promise to resume the song experiment. To be honest, I've written some other things while away from the project...and I feel kind of guilty...but I will finish it, I promise.

8:08 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

January 17, 2008 - Thursday

Sick

Hope no one else has caught this latest bug that seems to be going around. It's a killer! Stay inside, wash your hands, eat right, and sleep right. You can wear one of those surgical masks, too. You DON'T want this. Trust me.

8:11 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

January 7, 2008 - Monday

session 2

I picked out a few lines from my last entry that I still like. I'm not sure if they'll make it to the end, but I'll work with it. Here are the one's I liked:

it's only blood
pristeen cotton is spattered with tar
draining the adrenaline from your wings
old needleteeth lurks the alley
the sun can pull me up

I guess it's a bit of a darker song with some hope at the end.

Perfect, another day's gone by
Another chance for me to say I've failed
You were pristeen cotton on cloud 9
A cloud with a shadow over my soul

Bordeaux, here we go

Draining the adrenaline
Raining -----
Scratches on my heart
Dripping in the mud
It's only blood

Great, another hour's passed away
and there's nothing you wish to say
Old needleteeth lurks the allies
Hiding out behind O'Mallie's
He knows me all too well
There's not a trick he couldn't sell
What is there left to do?
When my lips are turning blue

Bordeaux, here we go

Draining the adrenaline
Raining -----
Slashes on my heart
Spurting in the mud
It's only blood

Hey, wasn't the sun supposed to rise
No chirps, no alarm, no alibis
The days are gone, not gone by
My feathered creature said goodbye
In my drunken manner I protest
To the fact that no one had noticed

Gashes on my heart
Spurting in the mud
It's only blood

The sun can pull me up

-----
I'll stop right there...it's all pretty much crap, but as promised, I'm leaving it. It'll probably mostly be gone by my next entry. We'll see. The dashes are just placeholders...I couldn't think of anything to fill in there, but maybe next time. Hope this is somewhat interesting anyway. Sorry for taking some time off...I'm sure so many of you were hanging on the edge waiting for me to continue.

9:32 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

December 18, 2007 - Tuesday

Untitled

As with most songs, we'll start off leaving it untitled. The format of this set of entries will be kind of crazy. I want to keep a lot of the process written down, so for the sake of preserving the experience, I will not delete any ideas.
----

hidden or not existing
unseen unknown un-need
no one wants a broken heart but sometimes you need one
it's only blood
tears sting in wounds unhealed

a million soul mates to turn down
i'll decide on you, something they don't have
maybe not perfect, but perfect for me

let me be your playlist
everything you want, all in order
turn me on & turn it up
spin me around your world
just like mr denver
let me fill up your senses
just like julio
let me be your hero
read my liner notes
i'm not a one-hit wonder
i'm your greatest hits
You ought to know
i have some hidden tracks
A surprise at the end

pristeen cotton is spattered with tar
draining the adrenaline from your wings
toasting to our torture
old needleteeth lurks the alley

a breezy beach holds my key
a keyless door to which it belongs
felt more alive while parts of me died
died inside when all was done
regrowing, reforming, waiting to bloom
wilted petals at my feet
but the sun can pull me up
a long dark winter I've endured
you brought the snow I brought no shovel
a blizzard i was overwhelmed
then cold rain upon my head
waiting, waiting, waiting for the sun

Ok, that's enough for now. Lots of different ideas and contrasting moods. Some brainstorming and free-writing...I'll revisit all this later and see if i like any of it. Possibly nothing, maybe one or two ideas. Just waiting for a spark.

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December 15, 2007 - Saturday

Sick

Well, I'm sick. I hate being sick. The only thing I hate worse than being sick is when I'm sick on the weekend. While you guys are sitting comfortably in your homes, sipping some hot chocolate, I'll be here whining and complaining about my swollen, achy sinuses, stuffy nose, sneezing, coughing, sore throat, fatigue, and moments of surreal insanity. Cheers.

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December 12, 2007 - Wednesday

A 1st

Sometimes I sit here with a blank blog to fill out and minutes will go by. There are things I want to write, but then I realize that I probably shouldn't write them. At those points, I'll usually open up a Word document and write it there. It then gets tucked away in a folder and left alone for a long time. I'll revisit it years later and sometimes wonder to myself what rubbish it is. Occasionally I'll be in awe that I am capable of such poetic prose. It's funny how some writings seem to still hold true after so long.

Writing songs have been the same way. I have folders and folders of lyrics and chord changes. The only difference is that I've never shared a single song of mine to anyone. I've never performed or let anyone hear a song that I wrote completely by myself. Although I've blogged a few short pieces of poetry here and there, I've never blogged any of my completed lyrics. Why?

Well, most of my "demos" feature me singing. For those that don't know, I don't have such a stellar voice. I've never presented my song to the bands I've been in because I just didn't feel right about it for some reason (which I'm actually glad about in hindsight).

I probably still won't post any of my songs, but I'd like to post some lyrics...for the first time ever. And I figured, hey, why not a new song?

I'm sure this has been done, but I want to write a new song and blog each development I make, documenting the making of it from start to finish. I'll make edits, changes...perhaps even scrap the entire thing and start over. There's no time limit, so this could end up taking as little as a few days up to a few weeks to complete. You can see how a song can start out as an ugly duckling and metamorphasize into...well, another, bigger ugly duck! I'm not kidding. Sometimes a song just doesn't turn out well. Actually, MOST of the time, it doesn't become a gem, but that's the beauty of it. Sometimes, if you're patient enough and you write long enough, it becomes a swan song.

I'll start sometime in the next few days, so check back on it every once in a while to see how I'm doing.

8:42 PM - 0 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit – Remove

December 3, 2007 - Monday

The Light

I don't know how to fully explain this, but I'll try. I almost didn't want to post this, but I'll just do it. It was approximately 10:45pm tonight as I was stepping out the side door of my house to the car. As usual, the motion-sensored light came on. I noticed that it was snowing and looked up to admire the flakes falling from the darkness into the light. In that moment, a short, blinding light blasted from the sky. I'm really not kidding. I know what you're thinking...it was the outdoor light or that it was the light burning out, but it wasn't. It came from a different direction...more toward the open sky. And the outdoor light was still on through the whole thing. It was similar to a camera's flash, but also very different. It was sort of silvery and then intensified outward around me. I don't remember blinking. For the next few seconds I stood there, almost hypnotized. The weird thing about it all, is that I felt different. This is the thing I really can't explain. I don't know what emotion, if there is one, to say how I feel. It's not a bad feeling. I'm not sure if it's a good feeling or not, though. I do feel...hmm...lighter. Not physically, but mood-wise. I don't know. I knew I wouldn't be able to describe it. Anyway, I got into the car and started driving. The only thing I could think about was that light and what it could have been. I also tried to mentally articulate to myself what I was feeling beyond the peculiar nature of the event. I wanted to convince myself that it didn't happen and that I've seen too many movies. Also, no one would believe me anyway. I wouldn't believe myself, either, with all the stuff I pull. But this is different. This is no stupid blog trick. On the ride back to my house, there were rapid successions of thoughts going through my mind. For some reason, I couldn't stay locked on any one thought. It would happen in waves. I honestly don't know what the hell is going on or if my mind is playing tricks on me. It's been difficult enough getting to sleep lately. I don't need this making it worse.

8:30 PM - 1 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Week 4 Conclusion

Okay, so I failed the MySpace Friend add challenge of trying to get at least 70 new friends in 1 week. To be honest, I didn't really try too hard. I suppose I could have, but I wasn't really motivated this past week.

Any ideas for this week?

5:14 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

November 27, 2007 - Tuesday

Week 4 Day 2

This week's task: Get 10 or more new friends on MySpace each day.

Well, only 1 new friend so far! Thanks, Mollyy, btw. Two l's and two y's. I have my friends hidden, so there's no way of knowing if I'm succeeding this week. You'll have to trust me, I guess. I'm going to edit the tast a little bit. Let's just say 70 by the end of the week. Haha, I need some catching up!

7:51 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

November 26, 2007 - Monday

Week 4 Day 1

This week's task: Get 10 or more new friends on MySpace each day.

Well, I requested a bunch of friends. We'll see how many accept. I know blind requests suck, but oh well.

8:49 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

November 25, 2007 - Sunday

Week 3 Days 3-7

Obviously, I was unable to complete this week's task. I wasn't so thrilled about it anyway. So if I had to axe any of them, I'm glad it was this one.

Next week's task: Get 10 or more new friends on MySpace each day.

It'll be nice to try to increase my readership. Let's see how it goes.

6:47 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

November 20, 2007 - Tuesday

Week 3 Day 2

See "Week 3" blog for this week's assignment.

Random Numbers for today: 1, 37

1.
Random Words: Tasks & Inspect
Site: Click Here
Site Name: XML-Based Inspection Modeling for Developing Field Inspection Support Systems
Comments - Ugh, more dumb sites. Another research site for web stuff.

2
Words from previous page: Abstract & Technology
Site: Click Here
Site Name: [Abstract] Technology-based Research Agenda on the Data Protection Law
Comments: More research. This time, it's about internet privacy. NEXT.

3
Words from previous page: Privacy & General
Site: Click Here
Site Name: Privacy Guidance
Comments: Ohhh, this is from the White House's website! It has a bunch of files about privacy acts and such. I wonder if the White House has a MySpace. That would be killer. I'd friend them.

4
Words from previous page: Office Sharing
Site: Click Here
Site Name: BAMAsharingchecklist.pdf
Comments: This is an outline for lawyers looking to share an office space with other lawyers. It's interesting, if you were a lawyer, looking to share an office with other lawyers...but even then, I somehow doubt it.

5
Words from previous page: For & Some
Site: Click Here
Site Name: And Justice for Some - Page 1
Comments: It's a research paper about how biased our judicial system is toward ethnic minorities.

Once again, no interesting sites worth delving into. There's always hope in tomorrow. It's pretty convenient, since I'm tired. Sorry for any misspellings in this blog, I'm not fixing anything tonight. See ya tomorrow.

Sharing general privacy for office technology, some inspect abstract task.

Type all those words in Google and I get the Department of Homeland Security General Contact Lists! Hahah. Oh, shut up. I'm trying to find an internet vortex.

7:04 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

November 19, 2007 - Monday

Week 3 Day 1 - Garbled Relationships

See "Week 3" blog for this week's assignment.

Random Numbers for today: 76, 52

1.
Random Words: Relationships & Garbled
Site: Click Here
Site Name: JSTOR - The Scholarly Journal Archive
Comments - This is some sort of place where you can search for articles or something. I think it's for school research. Not very interesting. The page I brought up had an article named "Sociological Analyses Confront Fashionable Racial Fallacies." So not interesting.

2
Words from previous page: Available & Participating
Site: Click Here
Site Name: Qwestwy.pdf
Comments: It's a PDF file that's says: WESTERN STATES CONTRACTING ALLIANCE PARTICIPATING ADDENDUM. I really thought the last one was boring, but this one beats it. I think this week is going to be rough. First of all, Wyoming is involved. I almost forgot that was a state. Secondly, Qwest Interprised is involved. What's an Interprise? I've heard of Enterprises. Interprises must not be as cool as enterprises.

3
Words from previous page: Executing & Which
Site: Click Here
Site Name: DataHandler
Comments: From the main site of this page: Jython is an implementation of the high-level, dynamic, object-oriented language Python written in 100% Pure Java, and seamlessly integrated with the Java platform. At least this is made from pure java...none of that artificial crap.

4
Words from previous page: Mappings & Particulars
Site: Click Here
Site Name: Guidelines for User Needs Mapping
Comments: I tried to read this document, but I fell asleep....twice. I still have no idea what mappings are, nor do I care. I think this experiment is bombing. Let's hope for a good final page at least.

5
Words from previous page: These & Users
Site: Click Here
Site Name: Flash Storage: what it did for these users, what it cost
Comments: The main site is computerworld.com. The article talks about flash drives versus other types of computer storage, and how it's still too expensive to compete, although some are dishing out the big bucks for it's advantages. Somewhat interesting, but I'd have to say that this first day was horrible. I hope tomorrow brings us better sites....really. Let's try to throw all the words together and make a stupid sentence.

These available particulars executing, which these mappings participating.

Haha, it sounds like our article in 4!

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November 18, 2007 - Sunday

Week 3

168 Hrs. Task 3: Randomized Rendezvous

Each day of this week, I will use an online word generator to give me two different, random words. I will then use an online number generator to generate 2 random numbers between 1 & 100. I will enter the two random words, seperated by a space, into Google and visit the first site on the search return. Then, starting from the first word on the page and using the 2 numbers from the generator, I will count the words until I reach those 2 numbers. These two new words will be entered into Google again to restart the process until 5 sites are visited. The same 2 numbers from the number generator will be used for each of the sites just for that day.

These 5 sites will be listed in the daily blog with a brief description of the site along with my comments.

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Week 2 Conclusion

I enjoyed checking out new music this week. I normally do it anyway, but not so random as this. I liked the concept of having a theme. I might continue doing the reviews, but probably not on a daily basis.

Scale of 1-10:
Difficulty: 2 - It was my pleasure finding the music and it wasn't difficult at all.
Fun: 7 - Found some good music and not-so-good music, but either way, it was fun.
Affect: 3 - It didn't affect me so much because I'm around new music so often.

Conclusion: This week allowed me to listen to music I would never have bothered looking for in the first place. There are many songs with days of the week in the title that are immensely popular. I'm sure there are also many that are dreadful as well - which is why we've never heard them! I'll be revisiting some of the artists I've found from this week. I'd love to check out more songs by some of them and browse their websites and profiles a little bit more. This experiment also allowed me to test the waters of a recurring blog element for the future. So far, I think I will at least try to continue some sort of themed music element. I might not give in-depth reviews, but at the least, I'll have them added to my profile and perhaps give a little blurb or two.

I'll be posting next week’s installment soon.

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Week 2 Day 7 - Minibike - "Sunday Sun"

This week: Each day, I will find a song that has the corresponding day of the week in the title, listen to it, and critique it. It has to be the first song I find for that day, and it cannot be something I've heard before.

Sunday Sun takes 2 cups of blues, a handful of rock, and a dash of country. Mix thoroughly, then roll it out and let it cook at 1000 degrees. You'll know when it's done when the whole house has burned down.

Kidding aside, today's track has some appealing elements, but I don't think I'd order it off the menu. Their headline on MySpace does a much better job at describing them than my rambling critique could ever accomplish. Simply stated, it says, "Truckstop Rock."

AJ's vocals have some character and the music has some sophistication to it, although the production isn't so great. That might work in its favor, because the grit almost works for them. I mean, come on. They aren't exactly looking to have Phil Spector produce them. Instead of a wall of sound, it's more like a crumbling tower of sound. Toward the end of the song, when AJ starts screaming a bit, it reminded me a little of Maynard Ferguson's voice. After I made this realization, I thought Minibike sounds like Tool if Tool formed in Alabama. I think with a little more direction and character, he could seriously front a very competent band.

The hook was okay. I wouldn't revisit this song soon, but there's enough musicianship to respect so I wouldn't write Minibike off yet. The name isn't doing much for me. Having "mini" in your name can't exactly be good if you're trying to make it big. But then again, who knows what bands these days want out of their music.

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November 17, 2007 - Saturday

Week 2 Day 6 - Whigfield - "Saturday Night"

This week: Each day, I will find a song that has the corresponding day of the week in the title, listen to it, and critique it. It has to be the first song I find for that day, and it cannot be something I've heard before.

Yesterday was Friday Night, and tonight is "Saturday Night." Whigfield takes us deep into the city for a sweaty, club-raving, dance track. I know, Whigfield is a known artist, but that doesn't exclude her from this week's blogs. Although this track was pretty popular, especially overseas, I still have never heard it. Apparently, it was the only debut single to immediately go to number 1 in the UK. To make the pot even spicier, there's even some controversy to the song. There have been a few plagiarism lawsuits which were eventually thrown out and many fans have also accused Sannie Carlson (Whigfield) of pulling a "Milli Vanilli." Audiences started this speculation because she lipsynced during her live shows and her speaking voice was drastically different from the record. Oh well.

Keep in mind this song is from 1994. From what I've read and from listening to the song, this is basically the UK cousin of the "Macarena." It doesn't have much substance, just a lot of sugar, over-repeated hooks, and a beat. Oh, and it has a dance routine. I could go into detail about the structure, arrangement, production, etc, but I think that would defeat the point of the song. It is what it is and when you listen, you'll understand. It's just a fun song that millions of British people should be ashamed of owning.

Here's the dance steps in case you want to try it in front of the computer. I highly recommend it.

* Both arms bent at 90 degrees, elbows held at waist, both pushing to the right then to the left
* Left arm stationary, supporting right elbow, right upper arm twiddles. Then reversed.
* Bend over forwards rolling arms around each other
* Hands on waist, step forwards then backwards
* Four jumps, whilst rotating body gradually by 90 degrees.

The end of the cycle is marked by a clap, and leaves the body facing 90 degrees from the beginning.
If you need any help with the dancing, like I did, use YouTube. There's no shortage of people willing to make fools of themselves there. At least I do it in the privacy of my own home and have the sense not to broadcast it.

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November 16, 2007 - Friday

Week 2 Day 5 - Unsearchable Riches - "Friday Night"

This week: Each day, I will find a song that has the corresponding day of the week in the title, listen to it, and critique it. It has to be the first song I find for that day, and it cannot be something I've heard before.

It's Friday night!!! No, I mean the song is "Friday Night" and it's by Unsearchable Riches.

I just got done listening to it and so far, it's my fav. Makes me wonder, since Friday is also a popular day, if this song is good because it's about Friday. ORRRR, if I just like it so much because today is Friday and I'm in a better mood than if it were Wednesday. Which came first: the song or the day? The day. So you know what that means? Um, I don't know.

The song starts off with a jangly piano progression. Drums kickstart the song and the rest of the band enters. The vocals remind me of Polyphonic Spree. Jeremy keeps the lyrics and melodies easy and fun, just like the song. The verses are upbeat and loud, but then the pre-chorus has a nice contrast, with a softly sung, lighter arranged section.

The chorus explodes soon after and delivers the goods. It's as if someone was funneling pure cane sugar into your ears. Nice. I picture cells in my body grabbing other cells by the nuclei and doing some fast ballroom dance, kicking out their legs and doing flips and stuff. The ending, which deconstructs the tempo, is a nice, zany way to finish what they had started. Ahh, Friday nights.

Unsearchable Riches are a Christian band, but the lyrics don't shove it down your throat or cheeze up the song at all. This could easily be a crossover, as the lyrics could be interpreted several ways. Hope you guys enjoy this one. I'll post the lyrics below.

Friday Night
Music by Jeremy Sorensen
Lyrics by Doug McKelvey, Jeremy Sorensen, Dave Corbin

It's Friday night, the house is packed
The stage is set to have a blast
Admission's free, but there's no guarantee
You'll ever get your money back

So hey now kids in the jigsaw crowd
Do you feel like you belong?
Will you lose yourself in the world beat
Or find your freedom in this song?

Pour down rivers of grace
Fill my empty space
Catch me in Your arms when I fall

Let this party crash
Let the love of God invade your past
I just wanna see you in the light
when we hit the world's last Friday night

A dance is done, they clear the floor
You know you won't be coming back
Is this the party you were looking for
or do you want the one that lasts?

Pour down rivers of grace
Fill my empty space
Catch me in Your arms when I fall

Let this party crash
Let the love of God invade your past
I just wanna see you in the light
when we hit the world's last Friday night

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November 15, 2007 - Thursday

Week 2 Day 4 - Asobi Seksu - "Thursday"

This week: Each day, I will find a song that has the corresponding day of the week in the title, listen to it, and critique it. It has to be the first song I find for that day, and it cannot be something I've heard before.

Asobi Seksu is the band. "Thursday" is the song.

The song opens up with a highly reverbed and muffled-sounding synth. It plays a beautiful, ear-opening phrase, and then you fall into the arms of this dreamy cacophony. The drums enter, hypnotically pounding the beat. Yuki's vocals are dead on with this style of Indie Pop-Rock. During the verse, the instruments pile slowly on, layering and building to the chorus. The hook sounds very Japan-Pop to me. Maybe it's the melody, or maybe it's the timbre or inflection in her singing, I'm not sure. All I know is that I like what I heard. Perhaps the layers get too bunched up at the end, but the ruckus is still somewhat appealing. The ending of the song finally releases the noise with a final, climatic chord, punctuated with a crash. I felt as though I was underwater this whole time, exploring the depths, chasing mermaids, being buzzed by weird sea creatures, engulfed by bubbles, roaming through caves, seeing yellow submarines, and then finally, I suddenly burst through the surface of the water into the sunlight and am allowed to gasp for air....air I had completely forgotten I even needed while the song was playing. I think I might dive back under very soon.

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November 14, 2007 - Wednesday

Week 2 Day 3 - Gina DeLuca - "Wednesday Morning"

This week: Each day, I will find a song that has the corresponding day of the week in the title, listen to it, and critique it. It has to be the first song I find for that day, and it cannot be something I've heard before.

I thought finding a Wednesday song might be difficult, but it didn't take very long at all. Today's entry is actually a live video from Gina DeLuca entitled "Wednesday Morning." You can watch it from my profile.

It's just Gina up there with her guitar. I click play and watch. She beings with a simple finger-picked pattern. For any music theory fans out there, it's a I-vi-ii-V progression throughout the song. The guitar tone was a little tinny for my taste, but I actually enjoyed the uncomplicated arpeggios and progression. Her voice enters and she doesn't sound bad at all. It's not really a song that would highlight anyone's voice too much, but she managed to find a decent melody.

The chorus was actually pretty good, too. Very memorable. Her upper range transitioned nicely. It made an excellent contrast to the verse. Speaking of the verse, it was very smart of her to keep the 2nd and 3rd verses shortened. The repeated last chorus drives the hook into your head even further, like a fish who took the bait. Nothing to really complain about here. Give it a few listens and let it sink in.

For just an acoustic guitar and vocals, and also being live, I must give her credit for doing a pretty good job. Most times in this setting, I scan the room for the nearest sharp object in the event I must gouge my eardrums out. Thanks, Gina, for leaving my ears in one piece...er, or two pieces...well, you know, the way they were.

Gina's MySpace can be found at: www.myspace.com/ginadeluca with more songs including some that are produced, full band arrangements.

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November 13, 2007 - Tuesday

Week 2 Day 2 - Alex Nackman - "Tuesday"

This week: Each day, I will find a song that has the corresponding day of the week in the title, listen to it, and critique it. It has to be the first song I find for that day, and it cannot be something I've heard before.

Today's song is simply called "Tuesday" and is by an artist named Alex Nackman. You'll have to click this link to visit his page since he doesn't allow users to add his songs.

Some jangly, coffeehouse guitar starts this laid back tune. I've been to many coffeehouse performances & enjoyed very few of them. To me, they all sound incredibly the same. Open mics aren't necessarily a breeding ground for hot talent, but every so often you get wowed. Alex's vocals don't knock me out here. When you have fewer instruments to work with, the voice has to be strong or at least have deep character. Also, the lyrics must really shine. In this setting, they don't have the comfort of being distracted by layered synths, distorted effects, and teenage trendsetters in tight pants and hair in their eyes.

Just when I thought I was about to fall asleep in my coffee, some harmonies and a shaker enter. It was nice, but certainly nothing I'd remember to tell my friends about the next day. Nothing much is added later in the song except a few distant backup vocals. The song really needs a more melodic line and, well, a hook. It's too bad.

The lyrics I didn't find very creative or interesting, which in a bad way, went with the song. Artists either have to tell a good story, or be very poetic, or a little of both. This song does neither for me. The lines seem scattered and misplaced. Take a look for yourself.

"Tuesday, the day that I had fallen down
One tear, I thought I squeezed the last one out
My dear, New York is now asleep, you've left me
My mind, thinks I've disappointed you this time

Oh broken eyes, I've had these days
Can't turn you off, that easily

Thursday, for once I've seemed to skip a day
And I see, the pulling strings are in my back
And I feel, I haven't had a moment's rest
Relax, but each part is distracted now

Oh broken eyes, I've had these days
Can't turn you off, that easily

Oh broken eyes, I've had these days
Can't turn you off, that easily
Oh bitter rain, is in my mouth
Can't find my way
Can I wear something, something new"

Tuesdays aren't known for being popular days. Maybe Alex should have written a song for Friday night.

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November 12, 2007 - Monday

Week 2 Day 1 - mondays menus - "Monday"

This week: Each day, I will find a song that has the corresponding day of the week in the title, listen to it, and critique it. It has to be the first song I find for that day, and it cannot be something I've heard before.

I'll be adding each song to my profile for the day and most of the following day for you all to listen. (I've had thoughts about doing this on a daily or weekly basis with various themes, so we'll see how it goes)

mondays menus - Monday

Our first song is by Swedish artist, (or group?) mondays menus. I'm not struck by the name, but at least it's alliterative. Jens Möller is the songsmith, and he categorizes the music as alternative/indie/rock. I've heard a lot of great stuff come from that part of the world lately, so I was actually pretty excited to listen to his song "Monday."

The song starts off with some rhythmic clicking, which appropriately set the mood for what was to come - a musical appetizer, if you will. Toe tap or bob your head at this point because, well, you'll have no choice. But don't get settled, because the guitar riff comes in and obliterates where you thought the beat was. A nice surprise. It's good to not be so predictable.

The main riff was VERY, I repeat VERY, derivative, but I'll compare it to bad chocolate cake. Why? Because even bad chocolate cake is good. My Sharona called up No Doubt's "Spiderwebs" and said, "Um, I'm pregnant and I'm calling the baby Monday." All comparisons aside, I ordered my glass of milk with my cake.

Now, for the single, most important 2 seconds of any song: the entrance of the vocals. If a song is a woman, the entrance of the vocals are the boobs (if women are reading this, replace "boobs" with face or smile). The voice enters in this song, and I wasn't too horrified. This says a lot. The production didn't make his voice shine as much as it could have, but at least it fit the style of the music. The verse melody kicks off with a nice ascending line filled with attitude, climbing back down to finish the phrase. The harmonies come in right here also, which I thought was a mistake. I would have saved them for the second verse, but that's just me...me getting spoiled by The Beatles.

The drum machine knocked my appeal down a notch when it kicked in. The programming wasn't too bad, but its stiffness was disappointing. Some of the sounds and mechanical nature took away the edge of what could have been a much better indie rock song.

The chorus was pretty good, which is also very important in the song...let's call it the ass of a woman (again, women reading this, substitute "ass" for personality or something). The chorus is sing-a-long-able. I deem a chorus good if I can hum it 10 minutes later after 1 listen....or if I can picture myself singing along to it in my car going 80 mph. This one was passable. Nice harmonies and backups. At this point, I also want to note, I'd have to say Jens is probably a bassist first before other instruments.

I liked the augmented last chorus and ending the song with the clicks again, which actually never really left. Good, yet a bit safe, choice. It caps the song well. Nice job mondays menus!

I was planning on rating the songs, but I'd rather just let the critique do that. At the end of the week, though, I'll pick my favorite. I hope tomorrow's song is as good or better than this one. Come back tomorrow night to find out!

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November 11, 2007 - Sunday

Week 2

168 Hrs. Task 2: "Musical Days of the Week"

Each day, I will find a song that has the corresponding day of the week in the title, listen to it, and critique it. It has to be the first song I find for that day, and it cannot be something I've heard before.

After the Fontana Water Torture task, I decided to make this one a little more fun. Although, I am quite aware of how horrible some music out there can be, so it might not be as great as I hope.

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Week 1 Day 7 Conclusion

Yesterday was the easiest day of drinking 64 oz. of water. However, I did make 1 accidental mistake. To my defense, I was completely distracted...

Last night, I attended a concert at the brand new Prudential Center in Newark, NJ. The All-American Rejects opened up for Bon Jovi. The tickets were luxury suite seats, which included a buffet-style lounge located directly behind the actual seats. They were located toward the center, 2nd floor up, and to the right of the stage. The free food was very good and included salad, hot dogs, gourmet hamburgers, wings, an assortment of snacks, and your choice of water, soda, and beer. Staff came in every so often to restock and clean. There were a few high tables and stools as well as a counter where you could sit and mingle. Two flatscreens were also up on the walls, where you could watch a Devils game or flip to several other channels.

I enjoyed both acts. AAR was very tight and Tyson's voice really shined. He kept the crowd riled with his dramatics and constant yelps of "Jersey!" The arena was about half-filled and continued to grow throughout their set. BJ reaffirmed their well-seasoned status with a whirlwind set mixed with classics, newer material, and self-indulged/crowd-pleasing covers for encores. Overall, the lighting was well done, but nothing I haven't seen at other arenas. The sound wasn't anything to rave about, with occasional feedback problems and slight mixing problems (I doubt most fans even noticed/cared). When the concert was over, there were cookies waiting for us in the lounge as we left. Nice! I'd recommend seeing an event here, though I'm still not sure about the whole parking situation they have going. I hope the new park that connects to Newark Penn works out.

Anyway, my accidental slip was due to me drinking a can of Sprite. I didn't even realize it until it was too late. I was so impressed with everything, the last thing I was thinking about was drinking water! It was merely out of habit and indulgence because I knew this was a special ocassion. For the record, I did drink the required 64 oz, most of which was consumed before the show.

I'll be posting next week's trial later today, but here are the results so far for this week:

Drinking 8 glasses of water every day. (64 oz.) - SUCCESS

Scale of 1-10:
Difficulty: 4 - Fairly tough, but come on...it's just drinking water.
Fun: 2 - Deprivation of sweet fluids is not fun.
Affect: 6 - It affected me some for the better.

Conclusion: Although the task wasn't too difficult, I did learn a lot about water through the research and first-hand experience. I truly think that I had more energy because my body was thoroughly hydrated. I will seriously try to drink more water as a result of this experiment. On the other hand, I am very happy to welcome back my voluntary selection of tasty beverages!

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November 9, 2007 - Friday

Week 1 Day 5

Well, I paced myself today and finished all my required water. I must say that overall, so far, I've felt like I've had more energy. I mean I wasn't super-hyper, but I never got fatigued this entire week. I recently read that water does lead to increased energy levels. It was interesting to discover that the most common cause of daytime fatigue is actually mild dehydration. I know a lot of people that suffer from being tired so much, maybe this is a simple and easy solution. It certainly is the safest possible remedy worth trying. The only drawback is frequent trips to the bathroom. During one of my 5 daily trips today, I thought about something ironic, in a way. (Many epiphanies, great ideas, and such seem to come from the bathroom for some reason.) I thought about all the extra water I was wasting by drinking extra water. What I mean is that everytime I flush, it's using more water. I mean I'm flushing more than double than what I once did. That's like 200% or something. I hate percents, why did I even attempt that?

Well, I still have 2 more days to go. I will be announcing the next week-long trial on Sunday, so be sure to visit back.

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November 8, 2007 - Thursday

No no no

I just realized how that last entry might be misconstrued. The profanity was meant as an adjective, NOT, repeat, NOT as a verb. That would be some seriously messed up experiment.

I just chugged 2 bottles of water, and now I'm going to bed. Gee, what could go wrong? My last, agonizing swallow was taken 2 minutes before midnight. Tomorrow, I will try to even it all out over the day. After this week is over, I probably won't drink water for a year. I might even start showering with something else. Maybe cherry Kool-Aid? I'll be red, but I'll be happy.

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November 8, 2007 - Thursday

Hatred

I hate fucking water.

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Week 1 Day 4

Yesterday was close. I almost didn't finish. I wound up drinking a whole bottle of water at 11:20pm. You can guess what I was doing in the middle of the night!

I ate a Payday and I got that lump in my throat again. Someone suggested to me that I might be mildly allergic to peanuts. Hmm, very weird. But, possible, I suppose.

Did you know Andy Warhol died from too much water?

Warhol died in New York City at 6:32 a.m. on February 22, 1987. According to news reports, he had been making good recovery from a routine gallbladder surgery at New York Hospital before dying in his sleep from a sudden heart attack. The hospital staff had failed to adequately monitor his condition and overloaded him with fluids after his operation, causing him to suffer from a fatal case of water poisoning.

Water poisoning is a potentially fatal disturbance in brain function that results when the normal balance of electrolytes in the body is pushed outside of safe limits, ironically by that which makes up the majority of it - common water.

On January 12, 2007, Jennifer Strange, a 28-year-old woman and a mother of 3, from Rancho Cordova, California, was found dead in her home by her mother hours after trying to win one of Nintendo's Wii game consoles in KDND 107.9 "The End" radio station's "Hold Your Wee for a Wii" contest, which involved drinking large quantities of water without urinating.

In a much-publicized case of fraternity hazing, four members of the Chi Tau (formerly Delta Sigma Phi) House at California State University, Chico pleaded guilty to forcing 21-year-old student Matthew Carrington to drink excessive amounts of water while performing calisthenics in a frigid basement as part of initiation rites on February 2, 2005. He collapsed and died of heart failure due to water intoxication.

Will I be next?

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November 6, 2007 - Tuesday

Nuts

Well, I finished my water for today. And now I have to pee again. On a completely irrelevant note, I ate something with peanuts in it, and now I have that lump in my throat that won't go away (drinking water obviously didn't help). It always happens with peanuts. After some intensive Googling, I found that eating a scoop of creamy peanut butter might help. If that isn't the best irony you've heard today, then my name isn't Fontana. Well, seriously, if you had better irony, let me know, but I get to choose my new name. I'll try the peanut butter right now, hold on...

No, it didn't work. Damn. Any other ideas?

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Week 1 Day 2

4 trips to the bathroom. It's 9:52pm and I still have 2 more glasses of water to drink. Looks like I'll need to guzzle it soon or I might not make it. Yesterday, it seemed very easy. Today, more temptation. Our house was just restocked with an assortment of soft drinks and flavored waters. Plus, there's a cider mix that I had on Sunday that was really good. Although I can't drink too much regular milk, we have Lactaid now, which in my opinion tastes exactly like milk. Looks like I picked a bad time to do this experiment. Grr.

More reasearch:
To function properly, the body requires between one and seven liters of water per day to avoid dehydration; the precise amount depends on the level of activity, temperature, humidity, and other factors. Most of this is ingested through foods or beverages other than drinking straight water. (Looks like I'm overdosing on water! more on this later)

For those who have healthy kidneys, it is rather difficult to drink too much water. (I agree!)

The myths such as the effect of water on weight loss and constipation that have been dispelled.

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November 5, 2007 - Monday

Week 1 Day 1

One day in, and so far, the task of drinking only water hasn't been too difficult. I drank half of it at work today. It's 7:42pm and I still have another 2 1/2 glasses to go. The only major change so far has been...ahem...a longer stay at the toilet. I did have more energy than normal, too, yet I'm not sure if the water had anything to do with that. I guess I'll see if the energy stays up for the rest of this week. Oh, and I was tempted (offered) a soda today, which I had to regretfully decline. I know I'll miss my hot tea at night, which I like because it warms me up. I suppose I could just have warm water...um, no.

Interesting Water Trivia:
Humans drink an average of 75,000 liters of water throughout their life.

Water regulates the temperature of the human body. If you have caught a fever you should drink lots of water.

Water leaves the stomach five minutes after consumption.

A person can live about a month without food, but only about a week without water.

There are almost 800 different brands of bottled water for sale in the United States.

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November 4, 2007 - Sunday

Accident

Ok, I know I haven't even begun the first task, but I just wanted to post this. After a brief period of research, I discovered that the whole drink 8 glasses of water a day is widely considered to be an urban legend. Nutritionalists aren't quite sure where this originated and that this amount is treated more like a rule of thumb and not a bare minimum. We must consider that a lot of our water intake comes along with foods we eat as well as other fluids which contain water. Basically, when you feel thirsty, you should drink. Regardless, I will continue the task as planned.

On another note, I also wanted to share another thing. A few months ago, I wrote a blog about an accident I saw on a highway that I frequently traveled at night. If I would have been a minute or two early this one night, it could have been me. The car was so badly mangled, there couldn't have been any survivors. Well, it happened again.

This time, the highway was shut down in both directions. It was also at night. I knew it had to be pretty bad. It happened right by a very curvy section of the highway. First of all, I have never seen so many flares in my life. As all the traffic was slowly being diverted to the exit, I looked over the flares and took notice to where a few police officers stood. Upon closer inspection, there was a white tarp covering what appeared to be a body. At the exit, the yellow and black barrier was shredded and crushed. It must have been where the accident originated. Click Here for the brief article about what happened. I snapped this photo as well, although you can't really see much. The red circle is about where the body was resting.

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Week 1

168 Hrs. Task 1: "H2OHNO!" Drink at least 64 ounces of water every day. Do not drink anything but water. (No flavored, carbonated or enhanced waters)

This might be easier stated than done. I guess we'll see. The 64 ounces comes from the popular belief that drinking 8 glasses (8 oz each) of water every day is good for you. I know from experience, that when my house isn't stocked with drinks, I tend to drastically cut back my fluid intake because of how difficult it can be to just drink water. I hope I don't wind up guzzling 5 glasses of water right before I go to bed!

Tasks will start every Monday and continue until the following Monday, where a new task will take its place. New tasks will be announced every Sunday.

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Let the Games Begin

The first few weeks of my new blog will be a bit staggered with ideas, so bare with me. Eventually, I'll have everything in place each week.

I'll start the first segment. The working title is 168 Hours. The concept is that I will be presented with weekly tasks that I must try to adhere to for the entire week. Throughout the week, I will post facts about the task, how I'm dealing with the task, and the effects it has on my normal routine. I'd love to see this idea expand with readers submitting ideas for various tasks they'd like to see me attempt or even having the readers try the tasks along with me. For now, I'm going to start with something easy just to get my feet wet. The goal of this segment is really just to have fun, but hopefully it'll allow me to experience something new or see life in a new perspective. It'll be interesting, because I know, even small things can sometimes change a person for the better. Wish me luck! See the next entry for my first 168 Hours!

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November 1, 2007 - Thursday

Don’t Read This Yet.... OK, Now You Can Read This

I'm still fleshing out how I'm going to set up my blog, but I have a few ideas. It should be fun for both the readers and me, so I'm looking forward to it. I promise, I'll be adding more to my profile soon. I added a pic at least! Sorry about the title of this entry. It's an inside joke. It's so inside, that only I think it's funny.

Anyway, I hope everyone is having a good November so far. Don't be afraid to drop me a message here. Well, it's late. I should probably get some rest. Sweet dreams.

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October 29, 2007 - Monday

I’m Back

Sometimes, art is hidden in emptiness. It can be as simple as a reflection of the artist. Picasso had his blue period. I chose an empty period. This is the best explanation as to why my profile has been so bare lately. Not that I even need to explain, because I'm sure most of you get it.

If a painter decides to leave the canvas alone, it's still a work of art. It could have been so many different things. But of all these things, it was left blank on purpose. The canvas was allowed to breathe. It almost has a suspenseful edge to it. Will it ever be stroked by the brush? Which medium will be used? What color will it be? Which direction? What type of brush? etc. If you look hard enough, you'll see the splashes of color. If you stare long enough, you'll see images and brushstrokes. If you imagine, you'll see the masterpiece.

Life can be as complex as you want it. It also can be as simple as you want it. It's your canvas.

It's nice to be back. I feel refreshed in a way. I look forward to regular blogging again. I'll be adding things to the profile, bit by bit. For now, this short message is all I have to offer. I hope you all have your smocks on. Things could get messy.

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Archive #2

2008-08-28T17:28:00.000-07:00

Big chunk of cheese
You can feel lonely, even among crowds. You can feel hurt, although nothing's wrong with you. You can be elated while in debt and tormented while rich. There are rules, but they'll be broken. There are eclipses in the day and moonlight at night. Extraordinary things happen to normal people. You're time can run out and run off without you. You can win with fewer points. Nothing is impossible, so something is definite. Success isn't measured in victories, it's measured in recoveries.

These aren't just clever contradictions or odd oxymorons. It's just a reminder that not everything needs to make sense. Actually, most things shouldn't make sense. Life is versatile if your mind is versatile.

You can learn a lesson from an axe murderer. A dog can help you find religion. A flower can save a life. A hello and a smile can make a difference. You can lose all that you have and still have something to give.

You can also get caught up in life and forget that each moment, each breath you take, each word you speak, each step you take...is your life. Don't get caught up in life. Catch up with life. Feel it. Make the best of the most you can.

Why do I write these sort of blogs? I don't know. I just start writing. I don't care if it sounds philosophical or cheesy. I figured that most of my blogs are about normal everyday things, but under a microscope. Do these things need detailed analysis? Probably not. This blog, I guess, is about just that. 99% of your life is spent doing "normal" things. These things are your meat and potatoes, so why not learn to enjoy them? If you're that unhappy with your current state of "normal," either change your perception or change your life. Be a story teller. A story teller of your own stories, where you are the main character. Tripping on a piece of celery and stubbing your toe might seem stupid and annoying and not worth recounting, but to me, it's called a blog entry. I'd read your blog every day if you had one whole blog entry devoted to tripping on a piece of celery.

Well, there I am again...off track. Off-roading...but then again, why not? Let's all make our own roads. I'll leave it at that. A big chunk of cheese for you.

nothingness yet somethingness
My cat likes to look out the sliding door windows. There are long vertical blinds there, so everytime I try to open them, I have to fix all the blinds that she messed up while trying to look out the window.

I had a brutal dental experience yesterday. The hygienist (did i spell that right? because I don't want to look it up) really did a number on me. First of all, she almost poked my eye out with the metal instrument thingy when she went to wipe something off my face. Then, she used the water pic thing and the pain was incredible. The water splashed all over my face. I felt like I needed a towel to dry off. My little dental bib was covered in blood. Looked like I was in a fight and lost. She handed me the little baggie with the free toothbrush, paste and floss with a grin, and I wanted to smack her in the side of the head with it.

I know I'm disgusting sometimes. You know that nasty picture of those pieces of skin from my feet I posted a few weeks ago. I don't know why, but the pieces are still on my computer desk. I'll admit, I've eaten at my desk a few times with it there.

I harvested a bunch of my sunflower heads to dry out so I can eventually get all the seeds. I put them in a plastic bag, tied it and put it under a picnic table. I came home today to find the bag open and hundreds of empty seeds. &*)'n squirrels!

I went this whole week with the gas light of my car on. Granted, I think my car's light comes on early. I've never seen the needle so far below the 'E' while still running. I got gas on the ride home today, but I felt like it was such an accomplishment.

Halloween is almost here. I'm still bitter about what happened 2 years ago, when I turned my back to go inside and left the bowl outside for 2 seconds and a bunch of kids emptied it into their bags and ran away. And last year, some kid took my doorbell buzzer. I found it days later across the street, all battered up. I'm worried about what this year will bring.

I don't get hungry anymore. It's very weird. I mean, I still eat and everything, but only because I know I need to. Plus, I'll get headaches eventually. But, you know that feeling in your stomach you get when you haven't eaten? That hollow feeling? Yeah, I don't get it. About a month ago, I tested myself. I went 24 hours with no food, and still no hunger. I don't understand it. I've been meaning to research it, but keep forgetting.

Leave Britney alone!

Someone put the toilet paper roll on backwards this week. Next time this happens, I'm going to turn everything in the bathroom backwards. The soap containers will face backwards. I'll put the towel rack on the outside of the door. The mat will be upside-down. The curtain will be reversed. I'll even hook the hot water to the cold faucet and vice versa!

I had fun talking like a pirate on Internation Talk Like a Pirate Day this week. I love any day where saying "wenches" in front of my bosses is acceptable. Arrrgh!

Have you Googled yourself 2day?
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19 Sep 2007
this is for you
what will it take to motivate you? are you stuck in a routine? it's comfortable, isn't it? yet, you still crave something more. you have potential, but you don't know how to use it. something needs to be the catalyst in your life. it doesn't take a near-death experience to get you to change your perspective. it doesn't take a life-changing experience to change your life. you have the power already. you can alter your mindset. life is okay for you, but it's not great. this blog won't be the catalyst. i can't help you. hell, i don't even know what it is that you really want. i doubt you know exactly either. time ticks by slowly and quickly...slow enough to make you think you have enough of it, fast enough to know it's running out. don't be afraid. the things you've always wanted to do will take risk, but the experience, whether you succeed or fail, is the crucial part. make room for you. stop everything and start something. it's time to use your time wisely. don't routine yourself to death. don't regret. take a death breath, commit yourself, and live. now.
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15 Sep 2007
GO BOY
Never had this candy before, so I tried it. I thought it was just candy, but it turned out to be gum. I realized this after I swallowed the first few pieces. I know I should have read the front as it clearly states that it's candy first, and then it turns into gum! But really, I only blame my eagerness to try the product.

Oh well. Anyway, I was disappointed because I didn't get ANY red pieces!! The ones that look like red in this photo are actually orange. And as you can tell from my evidence in front of the wrapper, there weren't many green ones either. I know some machines that package these products with multiple flavors can be random, while others have a bit of "controlled randomness" as is with the case of M&Ms, and yet others completely control their flavor count as well as the order, like Life Savers. But I was really hoping to taste the red flavor here and I feel like I got gyped. I'm going to write them a letter about my disappointment and post the results.

This worked a few years ago when I dropped a large container of butter and it broke, spilling all over the floor. I documented it one of my old blogs, posted the letters, and their response. The result was that I basically had free butter for a year! Hope this one turns out as well. I'll be posting a letter later today or tomorrow on here.

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little piggies
I think I posted something about this last year or so. Every time I play street hockey, I lose pieces of my toes. Here...look.

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13 Sep 2007
25 Skills Every Man Should Know
Popular Mechanics published this nice list of skills that every man should know. And I'm now publishing how skillful I am as a man....

1. Patch a radiator hose
-never did it. my last car died because the radiator cracked open, though. It was fun! Water went spraying everwhere! I held up traffic and people honked at me.
2. Protect your computer
-I have GoBack, Norton, AdAware, several pop-up blockers, 2 firewalls, and about 5 other lesser known virus/malware/spyware scanners installed on it.
3. Rescue a boater who has capsized
-nope, plus i get sea sick. Technically, if i had a boat, it would be pretty easy just to pull the boat up and tell him to get in. I'll say this one is possible, then.
4. Frame a wall
-i thought you just frame pictures? I have no idea what this means, so no.
5. Retouch digital photos
-oh, definitely. i'm even better at deleting all ugly pictures of myself.
6. Back up a trailer
-yes, not a big deal.
7. Build a campfire
-never have done it, but it seems easy, so yes, i could.
8. Fix a dead outlet
-i don't do much with electric, which explains the 4 dead outlets in my bedroom.
9. Navigate with a map and compass
-yes, as long as it a good compass and I don't have to refold the map.
10. Use a torque wrench
-yes, not much to using these
11. Sharpen a knife
-i've sharpened using a stone as well as various sharpening gizmos
12. Perform CPR
-i'm not certified, but I do know how
13. Fillet a fish
-again, never have done it, but i've seen it done and know how if i had to
14. Maneuver a car out of a skid
-yes
15. Get a car unstuck
-yes
16. Back up data
-floppy, zip, Flash USB, CD, DVD, online storage, additional drives, backup servers, um, I guess that's a yes.
17. Paint a room
-brush, roller, power roller, spray, you name it.
18. Mix concrete
-Never did it, but I'd follow the instructions.
19. Clean a bolt-action rifle
-Never even held a gun
20. Change oil and filter
-I've actually never done this, but does it count if I know how to schedule an appointment to get this done? no? ok, then no.
21. Hook up an HDTV
-I've never because I can't afford an HDTV, but I think you just need to hook up the cable from the TV to the reciever. Possibly.
22. Bleed brakes
-haha, i know exactly how to do it, since my brother showed me when he did each tire about 5 times! But no, I've never done it.
23. Paddle a canoe
-you've got to be a moron if you don't know how to paddle.
24. Fix a bike flat
-yes, my dad taught me.
25. Extend your wireless network
-i know you can tweek it in the settings, also buy a booster, or just upgrade the harware, so yes.

Final tally:
Yes, I have and can: 13
Never, but know how, so probably could: 7
No, I'd need to research it or be taught: 5

I guess that looks to be about average....um, right?

Feel free to share your experiences with the above or help me out with skills that I'm lacking.
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11 Sep 2007
091101&on
sept 11, etc.

thought i'd freeform my feelings on 9/11 and other stuff. just spewing, sorry for informality, but it's how i'd like to express this.

evil spoke up on this date. many are uninformed of other countries. not just uniformed US, but a cluelessness of all in regard to eachother. there are places where people genuinely believe a false history because of tradition. those who brainwash only brainwash because they've been brainwashed. the root lies at the stem of lies from those who held early power. vendettas are set in motion that lead to catastrophes that won't occur for years. powerful people never seem to realize the full potential and long term results of words and actions.

what i fail to comprehend the most, what boggles my brain, what intrigues my imagination is how anyone can kill or harm another human being and feel good about it like it's an accomplishment. no remorse, no bad feeling inside? it makes me sick just to hear about other people doing it. hatred is taught. love is taught.

for me, today is not a lesson, it's not a holiday, it's not a time for sadness or anger. i don't feel sorry for the victims because I know they don't want to be felt sorry for. the waves of effects that stem from this day are as incomprehensible as the limits of the universe. to see a young girl cry because her dad is gone now becuase of this churns my stomach. to see a young boy sobbing because he doesn't know why mommy won't come home because of this breaks my heart. but i'm completely shattered inside when i realize that it's not just one or two children, it's hundreds and hundreds of children who feel this way. also family members, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, etc, etc, etc etc, friends, even those like me who didn't know or was related to anyone. i'm affected.

people haved asked me my opinion on Bush several times. here's all i'll say...he's not the worst president and he's not the best. i know his office didn't make many popular decisions and his approval is low, but that doesn't mean those decisions weren't good decisions. how he's still sane after all this is beyond me and i doubt many people could handle that kind of power.

i don't have any answers or hard opinions on the matter because, well, because i don't think the general public is well informed. no matter how many websites you visit or articles you read, or "facts" you learn from people, or quotes that may or may not have been taken out of context, most of the time you never know agendas or biases from the sources of this information. simply put, how can you base 100% into what you learn unless it's very well researched? i am sad to say i will never feel well-informed. it stuns me sometimes how vehement some people are with their opinions and i realize that they base their anger and knowledge upon a few sketchy sources. i think some, when seeking truth, are already biased, and only wind up finding information that already lends to their side of the matter.

now, do people and the general public have a say? of course. just be careful and do the research. and don't just go with someone's word because they sound convincing. politicians make a career out of sounding convincing. do the actual research. find the facts. find the lies. the old saying, knowledge is power. if you didn't do the research, don't be so cocky about your opinion.

if you know me, you know i don't like violence. if someone asks me about the current war, i'll find the quickest exit to end the conversation or merely agree with whatever the person says. i understand the strategy of war and why it is employed. i am one that believes war can be a useful tactic. i also understand that the timing of war and how it's fought is also crucial. the length of war and it's effect on the home country must also be considered. is what is being gained worth the complete sacrifice? there are soldiers who are proud to be fighting and I'm proud of them. but there are soldiers who want to come home and think the war is bs. don't forget the number of dead soldiers which will continue to rise, the number of soldiers who will come home completely changed for the worse, psychological problems, post traumatic stress victims and the effect they will have on their families and friends and communities. on the other hand, the enemy seems determined and unchangeable. war may be the only choice, and perhaps a good choice if it is fought intelligently. but fully understand the full sacrifice. it's difficult to rationalize with uneducated or misinformed masses and countries. sometimes there are few options to consider. somewhere in all of this mess, peace needs to bloom. the underdog known as peace doesn't speak as loudly as the battlecry of war in the short term, but in the long term, the underdog shall continue to reverberate well after the last droplet of blood is shed.
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10 Sep 2007
Crash
Saw the aftermath of a horrific multiple car accident on one of the highways nearby. Basically, all that was left was a blackened, crushed and battered frame of a car which was bent into a guardrail and facing the opposite direction of traffic. I saw a bunch of ambulances leaving the scene. There was no way anyone in that car lived. If I would have left my house 30 minutes earlier, that could've been me. Thank you.
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Huh?
Why are you here?! Doctor Kazoo's blog is where all the action's at! Be a hep cat and mosey on over.
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cochlea
My cochlea will never be the same.

Some rules for the songwriter:

1. Do not use a Casio keyboard's rhythm loop in your song...for the whole song. It's not cool. It never was.

2. Pre-requisite for all: look up the word chorus or refrain and write the definition 100 times. Google the word. Wiki it. Make it your mantra.

3. If you can't sing, don't. If you don't know that you can't sing, listen to your one crazy friend that actually has the guts to never lie to you.

4. If an "intro" is longer than a Ramones song, it's too long. All a long intro does is give me a chance to hum a melody line that's probably better than yours when it eventually comes in. It will only disappoint me further.

5. The 80's were 2 decades ago.

6. If you've ever asked someone about your music online and they take a long pause and then type "WTF?!" ...it's time to just stop making music.

7. You can't sing just any notes behind lead vocals. Research harmony, or if you're too lazy, just don't worry about backups.

8. Drum loops are okay sometimes, but sometimes, well, sometime they just aren't okay. And pressing the "Fill-in" key on your Casio won't make it better.

9. While we're talking about drums, if you have a live drummer, randomly throw bricks at him during rehearsal. Eventually they become aware that they are part of a group and hopefully stop doing their sloppy fills every bar and a half.

10. Don't make my ears bleed.
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ups
Thought these were funny... btw, Does anyone else call them not by the letters, but by the word: ups (like the opposite of downs)? I know, it's not that clever, but still.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,
and then pilots review the gripe sheet before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here
are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS' pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that
has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
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Jihad
This song is climbing the charts in the Middle East!

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01 Sep 2007
Experiment 1
Let's try an experiment. Make me a promise that you'll try it, no matter what! Be a guinea pig. You only have to do it once and if it sucks, then come back and write a reply about how much it sucked and how much you hate me for wasting your time.

Go to this website and have it generate 1 random number from the following 7 days of this month. For example, today is the 1st of the month. So I entered from 2-8, and it generated the number 6. It turns out to be a Thursday. Write your day down or mark the day on your calendar with the word "Experiment."

You need to set aside time for the experiment. It doesn't matter what time you start, but if it involves getting a babysitter or missing part of your routine for the day, then so be it.

On this day, you will grab your keys, maybe some money and exit your house. Do not even begin to think about what you are going to do. Don't have a plan. You may decide to just start walking in a direction. Or maybe you'll decide to drive or ride a bike. It doesn't really matter. Do not try to rationalize a decision. This isn't about what you want to do. Use your intuition and then just start going somewhere.

Once you get started, something will happen. It's life - something always happens! Unless you are deprived of all 5 senses, you will experience something! Try not to stop somewhere you've been before. You don't even have to stop, but if you do, stop someplace randomly. The point is to do something you normally wouldn't do. Perhaps you'll wind up going for a stroll in a park, visiting a new store, talking with someone at a bus stop, or simply walking down a street you've never been down before. The possibilites really are endless. Heighten your senses. Look around you, listen, touch things, sniff the air. You might even buy a brownie from a sweet shop on some corner. Taste life.

When your experiment is over, come back here and tell me what happened. What did you experience? Even if you just walked around the block, got bored and came back home, tell me! I want to know.

It appears I'll be doing my experiment on Thursday, so if no one winds up doing it, I'll still share what happened on my day. Have fun, my lab rats.
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27 Aug 2007
Plus, there’s no air there

Let's try this again since my last player kept messing up! I know I can't carry a tune in a bucket, a box, a cart, a bag...or even if I had 10 arms. But that's not the point here. I recorded this song for a child I read about on the internet. His story was heartbreaking and affected me in a way that still makes me shudder when I think about it. He was battling cancer. I know he was in excruciating pain at times. I wanted to meet him just to cheer him up and tell him how brave he is. I never got the chance because he unfortunately passed away. This song is dedicated to him and all the courageous kids who are cheated out of life undeservingly.
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21 Aug 2007
Full
I am full.
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20 Aug 2007
the long and winding road
Hear me out on this one, it's good! I'm so tired, but I had to write this. I want to tell you that I have more investigating to do, but I think I've stumbled upon something profound. The Beatles have had their share of mystery and intrigue, especially after they broke up. Paul without shoes on the Abbey Road cover, hidden clues in Revolution 9, Yoko Ono, and Ringo's secret camel pornography dungeon (ok, I made that one up)...well they all have nothing on this mystery I discovered! Don't pass me by on this one. I'll get you to believe.

It all starts with a kangaroo. Wait! Wait! Wait! Please, I URGE you! I'm serious this time. Hear me out. It won't be long... I promise, there's a big payoff! This might even break into Rolling Stone if I'm lucky. Ok, so the kangaroo. Check out this connection. A kangaroo is a marsupial. Marsupials are mammals in which the female typically has a pouch, right? Well, that doesn't matter because we're talking about the male. The male, amazingly, has a two-pronged you-know-what which corresponds to the female's two you-know-whats. It's twice the fun! Who needs to buy love when you've got a doubled-pronged hooha? Anyway, that has nothing to do with what I'm talking about, but it was too awesome not to share. Okay, so the male kangaroo usually boxes. No, not with gloves. Stop for a second and be serious. They use sparring mittens. Nah, I'm just kidding! I don't even think they exist. YOU started this silliness. Stop getting me distracted.

The male kangaroo boxes with other males for fun, dominance, or....competing with a mate. We all know that George Harrison and Eric Clapton had a secret feud for Pattie Boyd. (That girl had the devil in her heart.) They were "boxing," if you will. Mike Tyson boxes, right? What's Mike's nickname in the ring? Iron! Yes, "Iron" Mike. That was just an easy one to throw at you...the real connection is Muhammad Ali. He boxes, too. He met the Beatles back in February of 1973. Paul told him that he wants to hold his glove. I've got a feeling that he wasn't serious. Now do you remember that infamous photo of Ali punching George to the side of the head?? He was a bad boy. Go google it. Look VERY closely in that photo. Notice something out of place?? Yes, Ringo is the only one wearing a shirt that says something on it. What does it say?? You'll have to download a good copy of the photo and zoom in on his shirt. You might even have to fix it up so it's readable. Ok, when you find out what it says, let me know, because I'm dying to find out.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.. back to the mystery. Where was I? Oh yeah, Muhammad Ali! He boxes and you know who else boxes? "Iron" Mike Tyson. YES!! The guy that makes the chicken! Yummy! So Mike Tyson boxes, but you know who else boxes in a way? George Harrison and Eric Clapton!!! YES! Over Pattie Boyd. But not anymore, because George is dead and that whole thing was settled a long time ago. They were "boxing" in competition for her just like kangaroos do!! Did I mention the thing about their wangers? That's awesome, isn't it? I know what you're thinking, we just made a big circle here...he hasn't proven anything...what a waste of time. Oh, but wait, it gets better.

Kangaroos can be nervous mammals, especially when frightened. I guess any mammal is nervous when they're frightened...what kind of statement is that?? I'm sorry, I stated the obvious, but I digress. When they are in this state of being, they are in haste. Now follow me on this one. You know the song "Let It Be?" Well, you should just let this be, because it ain't going anywhere! No, just kidding! What's the first word of that song? LET! And what's the last word of that song? BE!! Kangaroos are in haste when they are in the middle of things!!! That is the trifecta!!! IT ALL COMES TOGETHER!

Don't you see now?! Don't you understand?! I've unraveled it all for you! The Ultimate Beatles Mystery Unsolved!

What?

You still don't get it?

Ok. Let me spell it out for you. The word that's first is LET, "haste" is in the middle, and BE is the last word. Put them together: LET HASTE BE!

Do you get it? Ask me why I did this, and I'd say I'm looking through you.

P.S. I love anagrams

The end
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18 Aug 2007
What is irony? It’s how a blonde describes the weights at a gym.
I've actually been thinking about these for a while now and decided to compile and share them.

Sometimes, there are times in life where unfortunate circumstances unravel fortune at the same time. Just as this is true, we also find times of harmony riddled with treachery. These are what I like to refer to as convenient inconveniences (or inconvenient conveniences). They surpass your average case of irony. The metaphor: What do you do when you see the cup is half full, but it's not filled with something you want to drink?

Feel free to reply with your own! Here's 10 of mine that I could remember:

Falling, but while on the ground, you notice a ten dollar bill.

Spilling a drink on paper towels.

Injuring yourself inside a hospital.

Scoring a goal after the ball hits off your face.

Waiting in a long line at a convenience store.

Getting a papercut from the band-aid wrapper.

Being allergic to Kleenex.

A murder in a morgue.

Tripping over crutches.

Getting stranded on an island with Tom Hanks.
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16 Aug 2007
Not much time...I’m sorry.
Well, I don't know how to say this. I don't even know why I'm writing this in a blog. Today is officially the worst day of my life. A few weeks ago, at the request of my doctor, I had some tests done at a nearby hospital because I had some lingering dizziness. It wasn't anything major at the time and I thought it was probably just from not eating right or not getting enough sleep. I felt fine when I took the tests, too. Days went by, and I still had a little bit of dizziness, but definitely manageable. Well, I got a phone call today. I was told to come in so I could speak with the doctors. I got really nervous because I figured that's only when they have bad news to tell you. But you know, I'm young. I feel invincible. Surely, nothing's wrong with me.

To cut to the chase, the doctor told me I have what's called oligodendroglioma. Basically it's a malignant brain tumor. I'm still in shock and I don't think any of it registered yet. The doctor rambled on about treatments and wants me to come back for a consultation with a specialist. I've been in a daze ever since. I'm sorry to drop the bomb on everyone this way, but I just wanted to let you know so you no one worries about why I'm not around much now.

Also, one more thing before I leave.

I actually don't have a tumor. I lied to prove a point that the feeling you had when you were reading this, whether it was feeling sorry for me, maybe wanting to help me in some way, maybe wishing you had written or stayed in touch with me more often, maybe thinking of others that you love but haven't spent much time with...that feeling of being at a loss when you feel like you could've done more...this is your chance to grab someone you love and tell them that life is uncertain, but your love and appreciate for them IS certain. Take the time to reach out to someone who might be in need - a family member, a friend, a MySpace friend, someone you haven't spoken to a while. Don't let time slip away. Please, for my brain's sake.
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EAP
What is there to say about Elvis that already hasn't been said? Not many people have impacted our world in the way that he did. A perfect amalgam of timing, talent, and tuna fish put him into our hearts forever. Okay, maybe not the tuna fish, but the other two "T" words, definitely. Today marks the 30th year after his death. Notice I didn't use the word anniversary. That words connotes a feeling of celebration, and it seems inappropriate to celebrate someone's death. Anyway, here's to you, King. At one point today, sway your hips in memory.
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Bag of blood
I gave blood. It was weird seeing my own bag of blood hanging there. But I got free fig newtons and cranberry juice! I also got a red water bottle that says "Be the type that cares. Be a blood donor!" Finally, I got this nifty bandage that matched my shirt. BONUS!

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14 Aug 2007
Free cookies
I'm going to give blood tomorrow because blood is most often in short supply during these summer months.. Everyone tends to think it is stored all over the world in hundreds of blood banks and the supply will always be readily available. The truth is that this is not so. The supply is shockingly low. It is constantly being used and the number of donors is quite small. If a horrible tragedy occured and blood was badly needed by a large number of people, we might not be able to provide help. And donating during or after a time like this would be too late.

Giving a pint of blood saves up to 3 lives and takes roughly 45 minutes of your time (4-15 minutes for the actual donation). And keep in mind that you can donate about once every 2 months. If everyone that was eligible donated every 2 months for 1 year, that would be...um, a lot of blood! ..maybe enough to use in a Sam Raimi film!

Some benefits (borrowed from Wiki):
Donating blood may reduce the risk of heart disease for men and stimulate the generation of red blood cells.
Anecdotally, elderly people in good health have reported feeling invigorated by giving blood on a regular basis.
Other incentives are sometimes added by employers, usually time off for the purposes of donating. Blood centers will also sometimes add incentives such as assurances that donors would have priority during shortages or other programs. Other incentives may include prize drawings for donors and rewards for organizers of successful drives.
It'll make you feel good about helping out.
So, if you're like me, and don't have much of the green stuff, donate the red stuff!

This PSA was made possible through The Feed the Vampires Foundation. Dracula is hungry.
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12 Aug 2007
fontana in motion
I mean let's face it. ANYONE with a blog is a little self-centered. I'll admit to it. I think I'm important, whether anyone realizes it or not.
On that note, I'm going to start a weekly video blog here. I think it would be fun. I'll try to make it interesting, but I hold no promises.
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11 Aug 2007
10 yrs. ago & Mars Attacks still rules!
..digging through some vintage files of mine and found some gems here. This one is from 10 yrs ago, so I guess the lock and seal on it has expired. It's now declassified! It is a log I kept toward the end of my relationship with my girlfriend at the time. I was at a point where I couldn't resolve any conflicts with her through verbal means, so I started keeping a record of our disputes and her insanity (some of which were downright hilarious in retrospect). I tend to think I'm a very easy person to get along with, but no matter what I did or said to her, it was disasterous! I've dashed out all names and businesses to protect the innocent. I apologize for the shorthand and spelling. Oh, and in case anyone was wondering, we split shortly after the last entry...surprise, surprise.

Here we go...
Thought I lied about my money [tried to talk to her, didn't care about understanding what I had to say, just how she thinks I lied]
Beach-jellyfish-didn't go in the water [apologized, and suggested other things to do, ignored me, and said "then why the hell did we come here for?"]
Didn't watch Mars Attacks [tried to explain that I wanted to watch it with her, and I thought it was rude to start a phone conversation and then watch another program on tv when we made these plans to watch it, but I don't think she cared because she got to watch what she wanted]
Won't talk to me for unknown reason-spent all day at work, ignored me,
went jogging by herself, went out with ------- [tried really hard to find out what was wrong, what did I do wrong, but she didn't want me to touch her, speak to her, or even be in the same room as her. - still never found out why]
Brought up money thing again, presumed I didn't look for job [tried to explain that I didn't lie about the $ again, but now she wears a smirk feeling that she has this on me now that I lied / told her that I spent a good part of the day looking for a job, and found a good possiblity that I can be hired at ------, but she didn't comend me for any of it, still just looking for the things I do wrong so she can have a reason to be upset]
Presumes I didn't call [possible new job] [told her I called, she left it at that]
Tries to make me lie to ---- to cover for her when she is very strict about me lying in general [tried to explain how obviously that didn't make sense, but she still tried to put up a defense]
Continues to fib, lie (whatever) to friends about me, her, etc. (told ---- we went out and missed her call, when she just screened her call Then turn the things I did that she orignally got extremely upset at into a funny matter to friends. - dropping fish (and still blames me for it)
Upset over not spending time with her as soon as she comes in - ? Then tries to make plans with -----. Finally decided for me that I'll go play basketball while her, ----, and my mom go out to the pet store (which we originally had planned to do together), take a $20 from me, and go buy a tank, gravel, and possible other stuff. Leaves upset when I told her how I felt, but she obviously made new plans (excluding me) , so I told her that she shouldn't break anymore plans and to just go without me. For some reason, she didn't want me with her.
Uses phone, and has friends from ----- call late night, wakes me up, asked if she could have them call before 11 or 11:30 so as not to wake me, or if she could talk to them on the weekends - she got upset saying "these are my friends, I should be able to talk to them whenever I want, they don't have that much free time where they can talk to me" So she continues to have late night conversations.
Gets mad because I talked to ---- and ----- about her in ------ drinking at a party because ---- brought up how he doesn't like how ------ does it. She didn't want me talking to them about us, yet she later says when the carnival- -----&----- fight happened, that we need friends to talk to when this happens-conflicting with her getting mad at me for talking to my friends.
She said that I shouldn't work at ------ because it didn't pay enough for the apartment and everything else, I understood, but told her it should be enough, but if it wasn't I'd get another job as well. As for now, I'd look into busing jobs. She got upset anyway, threatening to go home because we can't have the apartment. I said that we could get help from my mom with laundry, food, phone bill, and anything else, but she said whats the point of getting an apartment? Later, after talking to dad, says she was being selfish, and her dad would give her $150/mo. to help - The same idea as mine but with my mom! She said my mom was already doing enough.
Hits herself and makes a loud noise while I'm sleeping, I ask what happened, she yells saying, "You don't even care if I'm allright?", Later she thought I was making fun of her and not asking what happened. - no apology.
Forget it! I can't keep up with all this! Why wash shit off of myself when I know it will be right back on me again?
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10 Aug 2007
Which Beatle Song Character Am I?
Don't know if I agree with this, but here it is anyway...
My score on The Beatles Song Character Test:
The Walrus
(You scored 35 shyness, 16 bitterness, 45 moral, and 43 eccentric!)
You are the Walrus, from Magical Mystery Tour! People may think of you as something of an oddball. In truth, you like confusing people. You are playful and mischevious. "Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come. Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday. Man, you been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long. I am the eggman, they are the eggmen. I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob." - 'I Am The Walrus'
The Beatles Song Character Test
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09 Aug 2007
Einstein’s Error
Einstein's Stupid Idea:
Gµv – ?g = - ? (Tµv – 1/2gµvT)

THE COSMOLOGICAL CONSTANT: LAMBDA In 1917 Einstein published an equation that described an expanding universe. But he inserted a fudge factor called lambda to allow the equation to describe a static universe. In 1929 Edwin Hubble found that the universe is, in fact, expanding. See? Einstein had a stupid idea. Everyone knows that lambda doesn't exist. He probably just made it up. What the hell was he thinking?
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08 Aug 2007
2 more
67%
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Pointlessness
You have nothing better to do than read my blog? Seriously? You are sitting there, reading this because it is your no. 1 priority? I can't believe it. Are you really that bored? You really care what I have to say? Are you actually still reading right now even after all this? How much longer will you continue reading this? There must be a trillion websites out there and right now you are focused on my stupid little blog. Do I feel special? No. I'm shocked that you are still reading. Are you a curious person? Need to know what I write? Maybe you don't really care about this blog and you are reading it by accident. It sucked you in because you're addicted to blogs? I could write anything right now and you'd keep reading. I could insult you if I wanted and you'd just keep going, wouldn't you? What? Do you think just because I'm not addressing anyone in particular that it's not YOU that I'm personally insulting? Well, think again. I am insulting YOU and not the person that read this before you or after you. YOU are the idiot still reading this. You are ugly. There, I've said it. Yes, it's true. Ugly as a dog. Go look in the mirror. Doesn't it make you cringe? How can you live with yourself. Still here? Why? Why are you stalking me? Do you think I write these blogs specifically for you? I don't. Am I here to entertain you? Once, I was at the store and this lady dropped a can of olives. The olive jar broke and spilled the olives all over the place. Then, out of nowhere...NO, this isn't a story. It's just further proof that you'd read anything even if it was made up. Don't think that just because you've skimmed over some of this that it doesn't make you any less ugly. Am I taking this blog too far? I don't care. Maybe I do and I'm just saying I don't. You never know on the internet. Ok, ok. I'm sorry. I DO want you to keep reading. I'm sorry I called you an idiot and a dog. I really didn't mean it. I was upset. Well, honestly, I didn't have anything to write and I didn't want to disappoint anyone, so I started writing. That's how pathetic I am. I'm the ugly one. I'm woofing right now. I'm craving attention. Please, I hope at least one person is still reading. Oh no, I hope people still read after this one. I need to make the next one really good. I was thinking...I don't like how you can always tell when the end of a blog is coming because you can see the end. You can see the empty space and your eyes know it's coming. Maybe I should just loop some of this blog so you don't know when it'll end until you realize that it's a loop. Yes, I'm experimentally blogging. Leave me alone, it's not a stupid idea! Whoa, my first exclamation mark! OH, another one! And another! Will I use one at the end of THIS sentence! YES! YIPPEE! Now I'm wondering if I'll use more exclamation marks that questions marks! What do you think!? Whoa, I used both!! TWO that time! What? Isn't this stupid? Well, Einstein had a lot of stupid ideas. You just don't hear about them. Maybe that'll be my next blog. I'll report back to you about one of Einstein's stupid ideas. I wonder if he'd blog if he were still alive. Now I'm wondering if I'll use more exclamation marks that questions marks! What do you think!? Whoa, I used both!! TWO that time! What? Isn't this stupid? Well, Einstein had a lot of stupid ideas. You just don't hear about them. Maybe that'll be my next blog. I'll report back to you about one of Einstein's stupid ideas. I wonder if he'd blog if he were still alive. Now I'm wondering if I'll use more exclamation marks that questions marks! What do you think!? Whoa, I used both!! TWO that time! What? Isn't this stupid? Well, Einstein had a lot of stupid ideas. You just don't hear about them. Maybe that'll be my next blog. I'll report back to you about one of Einstein's stupid ideas. I wonder if he'd blog if he were still alive. Now I'm wondering if I'll use more exclamation marks that questions marks! What do you think!? Whoa, I used both!! TWO that time! What? Isn't this stupid? Well, Einstein had a lot of stupid ideas. You just don't hear about them. Maybe that'll be my next blog. I'll report back to you about one of Einstein's stupid ideas. I wonder if he'd blog if he were still alive. Now I'm wondering if I'll use more exclamation marks that questions marks! What do you think!? Whoa, I used both!! TWO that time! What? Isn't this stupid? Well, Einstein had a lot of stupid ideas. You just don't hear about them. Maybe that'll be my next blog. I'll report back to you about one of Einstein's stupid ideas. I wonder if he'd blog if he were still alive. Now I'm wondering if I'll use more exclamation marks that questions marks! What do you think!? Whoa, I used both!! TWO that time! What? Isn't this stupid? Well, Einstein had a lot of stupid ideas. You just don't hear about them. Maybe that'll be my next blog. I'll report back to you about one of Einstein's stupid ideas. I wonder if he'd blog if he were still alive. Now I'm wondering if I'll use more exclamation marks that questions marks! What do you think!? Whoa, I used both!! TWO that time! What? Isn't this stupid? Well, Einstein had a lot of stupid ideas. You just don't hear about them. Maybe that'll be my next blog. I'll report back to you about one of Einstein's stupid ideas. I wonder if he'd blog if he were still alive. Now I'm wondering if I'll use more exclamation marks that questions marks! What do you think!? Whoa, I used both!! TWO that time! What? Isn't this stupid? Well, Einstein had a lot of stupid ideas. You just don't hear about them. Maybe that'll be my next blog. I'll report back to you about one of Einstein's stupid ideas. I wonder if he'd blog if he were still alive. Now I'm wondering if I'll use more exclamation marks that questions marks! What do you think!? Whoa, I used both!! TWO that time! What? Isn't this stupid? Well, Einstein had a lot of stupid ideas. You just don't hear about them. Maybe that'll be my next blog. I'll report back to you about one of Einstein's stupid ideas. I wonder if he'd blog if he were still alive. Now I'm wondering if I'll use more exclamation marks that questions marks! What do you think!? Whoa, I used both!! TWO that time! What? Isn't this stupid? Well, Einstein had a lot of stupid ideas. You just don't hear about them. Maybe that'll be my next blog. I'll report back to you about one of Einstein's stupid ideas. I wonder if he'd blog if he were still alive. Now I'm wondering if I'll use more exclamation marks that questions marks! What do you think!? Whoa, I used both!! TWO that time! What? Isn't this stupid? Well, Einstein had a lot of stupid ideas. You just don't hear about them. Maybe that'll be my next blog. I'll report back to you about one of Einstein's stupid ideas. I wonder if he'd blog if he were still alive. Now I'm wondering if I'll use more exclamation marks that questions marks! What do you think!? Whoa, I used both!! TWO that time! What? Isn't this stupid? Well, Einstein had a lot of stupid ideas. You just don't hear about them. Maybe that'll be my next blog. I'll report back to you about one of Einstein's stupid ideas. I wonder if he'd blog if he were still alive.
Ok, you've obviously scrolled to see if this is the end, and it is. Bye.
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07 Aug 2007
Anything
If never finds a way to be
And forever falls on your lap
If emptiness sprouts you life
Where dreams become a map
If impossible was finally cracked
And yesterday was rewound
If nothing was all we lacked
The silence would now resound
If death moved out of the way
And the sun beamed through the dark
If our desires were granted today
Our souls would imprint our mark
If finally were to become now
And the seas all stood still
If the moon and stars would allow
The void, our hearts would fill
Everyone will dreams their dreams
Believe, until it's what it seems
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Heights
Few videos have the ability to make me queasy. This was one of them.

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05 Aug 2007
Status Quo
A lot of people ask me how I am. My usual response..."I'm doing good." Rarely, I've actually gone into some detail about how I'm really doing, which I think throws people off. Sometimes I don't think they necessarily wanted to know. Of course, the question is an ice breaker meant to lead to more conversation. It can be awkward to start a conversation with something too specific. For instance, you'd never walk up to someone and say, "Hey, you do look like Matthew Modine!" You'd have to ease your way in, set it up, think of a segue, then bang it out. Example: "Hey, how are you doing? I haven't seen you in a while. Yeah, I'm doing good, too. Oh, we were talking about you last night. We were watching this movie with Matthew Modine in it, and we all agreed that you do look like Matthew Modine!" Intelligent conversation can be exhausting, but nonetheless, it is an art.
Anyway, the real reason for this entry is to address how I'm really doing...physically. I'll take this time to note here what's ailing me. What pain am I experiencing? What am I currently doing to treat it? Maybe those reading can help me. Maybe you have some home remedy that could be the cure to my disease. Maybe I'll have fun rubbing garlic powder behind my ears and jumping up and down on rock salt with one foot. Who knows?
I guess let's start with the most problematic and work downward from there. There's not much, but here it goes:
1. I have chronic pain in my right shoulder that's been lingering for about a year and a half now. I'm not 100% certain how I got it, but my best guess would be the lugging of my very heavy cymbal bag to hundreds of gigs and practices for the past 12 years. The shoulder strap dug right in where the current pain exists. The constant pain is tolerable, but the flare ups can be a bit too much. I've tried hot packs, cold packs, rubbing it, and avoiding strenuous lifting with it. Nothing seems to work. Acupuncture might be a possibility. Is it expensive? Does anyone think it would work?
2. Currently, I have a sunburn, but that's my own fault. It's on my arms, shoulders, face and back. I'd say of all the sunburns I'd had, I'd rate this one a 6.5 or 7. I'm treating it with an aloe gel. (Maybe accupuncture wouldn't be an option for 1 for a little while.)
3. I have about 12 or so mosquito bites in various areas on my legs and arms. I'm using a lotion called Calahist to treat it.
4. I have allergies. For the most part, they're under control now, but it's something I've never really had all my life. A few month ago, it was fairly bad whenever I did the routine yard work. I don't take anything for them because the symptoms usually don't last very long. I'll have a sneezing attack, then I'll splash water on my face and about a 1/2 hour later, I'm fine.
5. As mentioned in a previous blog, I have a blood blister on my left hand. It doesn't hurt at all. It just feels like a callus now. Mostly, it's only a superficial injury, but it is annoying to look at.
Well, that's honestly all I can think of for now. Oh, when I eat bananas, I get an itchy throat for about 20 minutes. Does that happen with anyone else? Yeah, so that's it.
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Cells
My rants on cell phones:
1. More people have them than really need them.
2. How come most of the time, when you call someone's cell, they don't answer?
3. Text messaging is overrated.
4. When someone cuts you off in traffic, it's frustrating, yet when you find out they are on a cell phone, frustration becomes rage.
5. How come people with the most annoying ringers have the volume up to the max?
6. I bet more people have recorded videos of fights with them than using them in an emergency.
7. If you see a 5 yr. old with one, immediately find the parent and slap them.
8. I bet the vibrate function is more popular with women than with men.
9. Eventually, I think there will be more cell phones than humans.
10. If Beethoven was still alive, would anyone tell him how horrible the sound quality of his ringers were?
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04 Aug 2007
NOT the father of Jesus
I'm a big fan of Maury's "Not the Father" episodes, so this was too hilarious to pass up!

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03 Aug 2007
Growing Up
There once was this small boy who grew up in a small town...a town VERY similar to the one I grew up in. He's was a boy I knew quite well. He was quite shy. He got nervous any time the focus was on him, yet he wanted to be popular. He enjoyed sports and being active. He was a cute kid that all the older girls giggled over, yet the girls his age didn't pay much attention to him.
One day, he was riding on his rollerblades around town. He was on a mission, though. There was this one girl he really liked. He didn't have a solid plan, but he was going to keep riding back and forth in front of her house. Maybe he was hoping that she would notice him and perhaps talk to him. He also brought a secret weapon: his camera. If she didn't talk to him, he wanted to at least get a picture of her so he can have it forever and look at her whenever he wished.
He rode back and forth in front of her house a few times. He was trying to look cool, jumping up off the curb and doing little tricks. Finally, he looked up and saw the door to her house creak open. He got soooo excited! Finally, after all this time. She didn't say anything while he passed, so he got into position to take the picture. He strolled up onto the sidewalk.
Just then, I jumped out from the bushes and punched him right in the face and said, "Stop stalking my girlfriend, bitch!"
Good times.
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Thanks, Jack.
"When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven and pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, ummmm, boy!"
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02 Aug 2007
MyCatSpace
Finally! My cat let me on the computer. She wouldn't let me on because she was busy building her MyCatSpace page.
Click Here to view it.
There's also one for all you dog lovers: MyDogSpace
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01 Aug 2007
Stunt Driving and Smog

This accident happened in front of the house I grew up in. The town is one of the smallest in New Jersey and the streets are all 25 mph. The roads are narrow and winding, so most people actually go the speed limit here, or sometimes less. This lady was obviously speeding and not paying attention. I didn't think it would be possible to flip a car in this town, but I guess I was wrong!
Speaking of cars, my car seems to be working for the time being. However, it's always unnerving to hear "so if this thing comes loose, you'll all-of-a-sudden have no brakes." Nice. Plus my wipers stopped working again, so on rainy days, I'm the idiot pulling the string which is connected to the blades. There's a long list of other problems with my car, too. Before my brakes were "fixed" (boy, if there was ever a perfect use of quotes, that was it), I was prepared to ride my bike the 5 miles to work. When I was searching for a job, I made sure it was fairly close for that particular reason. I know I'm on borrowed time.
Not much else to say today. There was an air quality alert today, which is a nice way of saying there's too much smog - stay inside. So I decided not to go jogging...but I still might go just before sundown. I might see if those kids are playing baseball again and pay them a visit. I should carry a tennis ball with me and show it to them and smile. That would be great!
Anyway, thanks for listening.
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31 Jul 2007
Hey, Woman, Running...
Yes, I was referred to as a woman.....again. I was jogging my normal route as usual. I start to pass this school which has a sunken court where a bunch of teens were playing baseball with a tennis ball.
The hunched over pitcher looks intently at the eager batter. There's a fire in his eyes mixed with deep concentration. A bead of sweat drips from the tip of his nose, falls in slow motion and splashes onto the sizzling hot asphalt. I could hear the sloppy chewing of bubblegum from the girls on the side who should have been wearing way more than they were. The smell of barbeque from the house across the street must have been tormenting the players from deciding whether to finish their game or run home to devour their mom's cooking.
The pitcher has finally decided the pitch that will end that batter's turn. He achingly begins his windup and in less-than-perfect form he hurls the dirty, green, fuzzball straight down his line of sight. A better pitch? Yes, it could have been thrown. But for these kids, it was all they had. The batter took a monstrous swing with his eyes closed, throwing all his weight into the ball. There was a small thud when the ball made contact with the bat, yet the whole crowd swore they hear a loud CRACK! The ball reversed directions and then curved a beautiful arc right over the side fence. With no regard to the parked cars, the battered fuzzball bounced off an SUV and an old, rusty Honda falling out of view by the curb.
And then I heard it. "Hey, woman, running. Get the ball!" I heard mumbling and slight laughter. Yes, I have long hair. Yes, I've wanted a haircut for about 6 months now. But wait. Do I have manboobs, too? Do I really look like a woman? Or was this "foul" kid just being obnoxious. I continued running without acknowledgement. Then the left-fielder tried another approach. "Excuse me, could you get our ball right there." I continued to ignore them. Besides, I was still contemplating my manboobs. I didn't even see the ball anyway. I heard them start to get angry. Their mumbling soon faded away though as I trekked down the sidewalk.
I looked in the mirror. I don't think I have manboobs. But you know what? It's definitely time to get a haircut.
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30 Jul 2007
Fire at Fontana’s
I have a blood blister at the bottom of my ring finger on my left hand. I researched blood blisters because I don't recall ever having one before. Two articles tell me two opposite things. One told me NEVER to pop the blister because of infection. The other tells me to pop it to drain the blood out. Did I research for a third article?? No. Of course not. I went with my intuition and left it alone. But now it's been about a week or so and it's still there. It's annoying. Go away, stupid thing.
I got it from using a mattock. I was trying to remove a very large tree stump from my yard. At the same time, I thought it would be good exercise as well since I'm still without a weight bench. I hacked away not making too much progress but enough to want to continue. I figured it would take a few weeks of daily chopping to get it grinded down where I want it. Anyway, when I decided to stop, I look at my hand and notice the blood blister there. Did I wear gloves?? NO. Of course not.
But let's go back before the mattock. There I was crouched by the stump pouring lighter fluid on it. I strike a match and poof! It's ablaze! I thought I'd just burn the hell out of it until it was brittle enough to chop up. The flame slowly became less and less. So, I squirted some more lighter fluid. POOF! All of a sudden, I hear a cry from across the street, "Oh my God! A fire over there!" I quickly popped up and waved over to my neighbor, "No, no! Just me!" I lifted up my fire extinguisher to show him that I brought safety, too. He yelled back, "I was about to call the fire department!" Good thing I caught him because I didn't have a fire permit. The flame died away again and I gave up. No progress at all, just a blacked spot where it burned a little. If the firemen came, I would have just said it spontaneously combusted and I ran out to use my fire extinguisher on it. Weird thing (as I kick the lighter fluid behind the bushes).
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Who goes to discos anymore, anyway?
The title of this blog was chosen because it was in my autocomplete and I have NO memory of ever typing it. But memories aside, it does raise a good question. First of all, its full name: discothéque. An awesome word. Is it French? I don't know. I could Google it. I could Google anything, really. My suspicious would lean toward....no. No, it's not French. But I bet that é was thrown in there just to confuse people. It's a trick. The word is English-derived. At least that's my non-Google opinion. I'm sure someone will Google it for me and tell me, but really, I'm perfectly okay with not knowing for sure. Well, part of me wants to know. Okay, so if you want to, go ahead. Ok, let's get back on track. The definition: a nightclub for dancing to live and recorded music. Hmmm. Am I the only one that assumed that discos must play disco music? I mean it doesn't HAVE to have the flashing, colored floor tiles or the disco ball. But I did think that the only prerequisite would be having disco music. I was wrong. So now the ultimate question: Who goes to discos anymore, anyway? I guess a lot of people do because the definition states that discos are just dance clubs. Yet I still ponder about the existance of cult discoers who refer to a true disco as a club that plays disco music. If this is so, then who are these cult discoers and why are they still going to discos? If you are one of the people or know someone who is, please let me know. We need to get to the bottom of this mysterious autocomplete anomaly immediately.
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Archive #1

2008-08-28T16:53:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, December 27, 2005
crescent moons
Current mood: excited

I make lists. Lists work for me. If I need to get things done, I just write it down. I like to search for answers to stupid things. For example, one day I was just sitting around. I glanced down at my fingers and started to really take a close look. I wrote down on my list: Crescent moon fingernails.

This item on my list reminded me to look up what exactly are those little markings on each of your fingernails that look like crescent moons.

The 'moon' or 'lunula' you see is actually the leading edge of the matrix (someone tell Neo), which is where the nail plate cells are born. The moon is most prominent on the thumb nails and can be seen on the index fingers and the middle fingers, but is rarely seen on the ring fingers and (almost) never on the pinky fingers. This is natural!

If one has very thick natural nails, the moon will be more prominent as it developes more nail plate cells the longer it is and the more visible it is. If the nail plate is thin, one will rarely see the lunula (moon) on any of the nails.

If one sees a change in color of the lunula, it can signify an internal disorder that will require a physician to diagnose. Otherwise, not having a prominent lunula does not signify a 'health related' problem.

So, there ya go. Who knows, maybe someday this information I've passed on could make you sound brilliant in a future, random conversation with friends. Or maybe it could even save a life.

Crazy Person of the Day: There was this crazy guy at the diner today. He was quite particular about his slice of cake he was getting to go. A little too particular. But in the end, he was a very happy customer. I guess he'll have his cake the way he wants it....and eat it too.

Check Out Track of the Day: Beatles - I Will

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Sorry
Current mood: busy

Ok, so I didn't post any blogmas blogs like I said I would. I apologize. I just wasn't motivated to log on and write anything. I was seriously considering taking down all my blogs on here. I still might do that. We'll see. For now, I'm signing off. Who knows what will be next.

Sincerely,

Bob

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Monday, December 19, 2005

Blogmas
Current mood: chipper

Hello, I am back. I'm not sure how many people actually have subscriptions to this blog, so I'm not sure how many people will actually read this. Sorry I haven't been writing much lately. Now that it's cold out, I haven't been jogging, so it's difficult to get into the habit of writing about my adventures. But I feel the crazies are still out there. So I will do my best to track them down. I'll never cease observing the interesting (crazy) in the mundane.

This week, I will post my 7 days of Blogmas. Starting tomorrow (Monday) and going all the way up through Christmas, I will enter a blog each day about something peculiar that has happened in my day with some sort of holiday twist. So as you're sitting back, nursing an egg nog or two, log on and enjoy.

Crazy Reindeer of the Day: Cupid - he fell in love with an elf and made a hybrid ReinElf that every kid in America now wants as a pet.

Check Out Track of the Day: Visit my Hero for a festive instrumental.

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Thursday, November 10, 2005

There Goes My Hero

My hero has updated his site. Visit and explore.

Updated Hero

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Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Wilma
Current mood: enthralled

It's a new record! 882 mb

This just in: Florida just crapped its pants.

Crazy Person of the Day: Those guys that fly into these hurricanes to get measurements. I don't even want to know what kind of turbulence they experience.

Check Out Track of the Day: Scorpions - Rock You Like a Hurricane

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Saturday, October 15, 2005

Leonardo's Katana

A 21-year-old Green Bay man was arrested Wednesday after he pulled out a katana-style sword when he was thrown off a tour bus outside the Riverside Ballroom.

The man was trying to give some compact discs demos to members of Twiztid (If anybody can find me their site, I'd be really happy), the venue’s headliner.

The man got onto the band’s bus, but was told to leave. When he refused, members of the band’s security team removed him from the bus, Hemes said.

Once outside the bus, the man pulled a sword from the front of his pants and began swinging it around. Police at the scene said the sword was almost as long as the man’s leg.

Someone in the crowd disarmed the man and attempted to hold him at the scene, according to police. The man escaped from security, but was stopped by police as he tried to drive out of the parking lot about 10:10 p.m.

The suspect was the only person injured in the fray, as a result of being detained by security.

The man was jailed on an outstanding warrant and cited by Green Bay police for disorderly conduct and carrying a concealed weapon. He could be fined, but does not face jail time.

Crazy Perso.....oh, is it really not that obvious?!

Check Out Track of the Day: Sonics - "Have Love Will Travel"

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Friday, October 14, 2005

Pink
Current mood: apathetic

This year, an estimated 211,240 new cases of breast cancer will be diagnosed among women in the US. An estimated 40,410 women are expected to die from it in the US. Close to 2.5 million women currently have it right now. New Jersey has the highest death rate from breast cancer than any other state.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Advancement in detection and treatments are essential in fighting this war. Donations, grants, and volunteer work are all we have. Even pledging $1 could make a difference. Scientists are very close to developing a cure, so why not help be a part of this breakthrough and make it happen sooner. Don't let it take a relative of yours to have cancer before you start your contribution because time is running out for a lot of women.

There are several stores, including Payless ShoeSource and Saks Fifth Avenue, that are asking for customer donations. You can also make a donation at BreastCancer.org

Crazy Person of the Day: Non-donators

Check Out Track of the Day: Guided By Voices - "Motor Away"

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Thursday, October 13, 2005

I Feel Just Like Dylan's Mr. Jones
Current mood: working

Try to see it my way.
Do I have to keep on talking till I can’t go on?
While you see it your way,
Run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone.
We can work it out.
Think of what you’re saying.
You can get it wrong and still you think that it’s alright.
Think of what I’m saying.
We can work it out and get it straight, or say good night.
We can work it out.
Life is very short, and there’s no time
For fussing and fighting, my friends.
I have always thought that it’s a crime,
So I will ask you once again.
Try to see it my way,
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong.
While you see it your way,
There’s a chance that we may fall apart before too long.
We can work it out.

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Wednesday, October 12, 2005

We Can Do It
Current mood: optimistic

We can do it.

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Sunday, October 09, 2005

Go Fish

I go downstairs to do the laundry today. There I am, carrying the dirty clothes to the washer. My eyes gaze up. I spot the biggest silverfish I've ever seen just hanging out on the far wall.

I have a slight fear of spiders. I like to exaggerate it a lot because it makes for good humor. Nonetheless, I do have a fear of them. The only insect that I'm more fearful of that is common to this geography are indeed silverfish. My first time ever seeing one of these creepy crawlers was fairly recently back in college. I remember going into a seldom used closet to retrieve some music education materials and I noticed it on the ground. It moved very quickly and it's odd silvery color freaked me out.

When something moves that quick that you're afraid of, you do this sort of awkward jump in the air. And while you're in mid-air, you briefly think that somehow you can just float there in safety. And when you start coming back down your legs start doing this funky, gravity-fighting, kicking dance in an effort to find some possible way of avoiding the same space that possibly could be occupied at any second by this lightning quick, alien, killer bug thing. No doubt, whatever you are picturing in your mind is exactly what it looks like for real.

Anyway, this giant silverfish in my basement is just stuck there on the wall giving me the staredown. First of all, I had no clue that they could even cling to the wall. Now, they are even creepier in my book. Secondly, I read that they are quite nocturnal. Why, when I turned on the bright lights to the basement, didn't this thing run off under some darkness where it belongs? This only leads me to believe that this silverfish had superinsect powers.

Well, I won't disclose the ending to this story, but it involved a lot of screaming, cringing, awkward jumping, and finally a few fearfully tense moments as it fell to the floor and tried to make a getaway until it eventually was dead in a pool of insect spray.

Crazy Person of the Day: Exterminators - they're crazy, but God bless them.

Checkout Track of the Day: Johnny Maestro and The Brooklyn Bridge - "Welcome Me Love"

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Dropping Like Flies

On my computer cabinet, I have stickers everywhere. Most are from local bands. Over the years, after playing so many gigs with other bands, going to see friend's bands, going to music conferences, you end up with a lot of stickers. Their cheap, easy, good promotion. So I take them and stick them on my cabinet. It's a good way to remind myself, maybe months later, to look them up on the internet and check them out again.

I once had a good amount of stickers. I'd say about 50 or so. After a few years, I stopped sticking them on because it was getting ridiculously crowded. I also couldn't keep up with looking at all of their websites.

But I noticed something. A lot of the bands that I tried to look up, no longer existed. And I'm a pretty good searcher too. There was no official website, no mention of them on their indie label, no links directing me to ANY evidence that they are still playing or writing. So with these bands, what should I do with the stickers? Of course! I'll take them off. I thought it would be funny to see the percentage of bands that break up.

Well, months later, when all was said and done I was left with 6 bands! Feel (no label), Todd Agnew (Ardent Records), Lorraine Ferro (no label), The Blood Brothers (ARTISTdirect), Engine Number 9 (no label), and Pillar (Flicker Records).

Now my cabinet has a lot of empty spaces and places where the adhesive of the sticker was too strong so it tore off the faux wood wallpaper.

This little experiment proves that most bands don't stay together for as long as you'd think. I'm sure a lot of the bands break up, maybe reform in another band, or maybe just change names, etc. But it shows how it's difficult to find a group of like-minded, dedicated musicians that will stick it out through thick and thin.

Crazy Bug of the Day: As I was walking with a friend down a sidewalk we saw this crazy looking bug dashing away from a bunch of evil ants that were trying to kill it. The ants were ganging up on it and attacking it from all sides. I stopped and asked, "Should I save it?" With the green light response, I started stepping on all the ants. They quickly backed off and the crazy bug got away. I think I made a difference in that bug's life. I hope he uses this second chance to make a better life for himself. (In reality, after we walked away, the ants probably came back and ate him...but let's try not to be so pessimistic.)

Checkout Track of the Day: Michelle Shocked - Anchorage

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Thursday, September 29, 2005

Saving Lives
Current mood: awake

It was a typical Monday early evening. There was a slight drizzle coming down. I was driving home from a drum student's house of mine. I get to the corner of the block and I make a right turn. I look down the road and see a puppy trot across, barely escaping the wheels of a runaway box truck. I pull off to the side of the road and look to see if there was an owner running after it. Nothing.

I then begin a series of debates in my head about what to do. Most people don't do anything. Even in cases of robberies, people just look out for themselves and try to avoid the situation. I mean, you always hear about heroes on the news....about some guy tackling some violent criminal to the ground and saving the day....or some guy diving into the frozen lake to save a kid....but in reality, most people do nothing.

And I'm no different usually. I just mind my own business. Sometimes I see an old lady walking with grocery bags in both her hands. And it's obvious that she's struggling and has to walk a distance - not just from her car to her house. I think to myself, I should offer to carry the bags for her. But in the end, I just pass her by and seconds later it's forgotten.

This time, when I saw that puppy, something changed. I pulled off to the side of the road and got out. I tried to go over to the dog, but it didn't seem to respond to me and kept trotting away. I got back in my car and almost gave up, thinking, "oh, it'll probably just go back home on it's own." But no, I persisted.

I put the car in reverse and neandered myself through moderate traffic about 2 blocks. A few people honked, but I didn't care. I looked back and the dog was still further down. I had to back into a driveway and make a U-turn. I pulled up near the puppy. I noticed that across the street, an older woman was walking her dog. She noticed me and we both asked eachother questions at the same time. I said, "Do you know whose dog this is?" And she asked, "Is that your dog?" The answer was no to both of them. Then, the puppy made a startling decision. It stepped off the curb and back onto the street.

The traffic that was flowing was a sure deathtrap. The lady tried to motion with her poopy bag to shoo the puppy back onto the sidewalk. I finally called it over, but then it got scared again and walked down the sidewalk the other way.

I persisted. I got back in the car and drove right up next to it. I slowly got out and calmly called it over to me. It finally came to me, sniffed me, and seemed really happy to be petted. I noticed it had a tag on. I was in luck. It had an address! And better yet, I knew the street. It was only about four or five blocks from where we were.

I opened my car door, slid the seat back and ushered the puppy onto the floorboard of the passenger side. As soon as I closed the door though, it jumped up on the seat. Oh well, it's okay. It even sat down, panting, and looking excited about the ride. Before I could even get into the driver's side, it started to come over to me. Looks like I made a friend.

I drove the 1/2 mile or so to the address on the tag. I left the puppy in the seat as I approached the house. A man was getting out of his truck in his driveway. I asked if he had a dog. He said something like, "yes, do you have him." I ran back to my car and took the dog by the collar and guided him to his owner. The man called to it and I let go of the collar. The puppy ran into the yard and the reunion was quite a reward.

The man thanked me and I was quickly on my way. The whole experience made me remember Beechy, a dog that lived on the corner of my block that got lost. I used to greet Beechy every day before I went for my jog. We became very familiar with eachother but I never met the owners and I never actually knew it's real name until I saw the flyers. The owners put them up all over town. I even went searching for her a couple of days, but couldn't find her. Eventually, they called off the search. Soon after, they sold the house and moved out.

Anyway, this dog I rescued did change me in a way. I think I'm going to be more assertive when it comes to getting involved with things. I'm tired of being passive. I want to do things. I want things to happen and I want to be a part of it. The puppy also didn't have a name. I nicknamed it Meta. I thought about how it was partially responsible for my metamorphosis. Another connection I saw was how I found the puppy on Division Ave and how I was at first divided on whether I should save it or not. Also, on a side-side note, about 5 minutes after I returned Meta, a cat darted out in front of my car. I would have struck it if I wasn't paying attention. Luckily, I slammed on my brakes. Not sure if it counted as one of it's nine lives, but I'd like to think it was another life I'd saved.

Updated Crazy Person of the Day: While in DC this past weekend I saw a guy playing the guitar and singing anti-war songs in the ampitheater. That's all fine and dandy, but it was the most wretched thing I've ever heard. Sometimes, you have to just stick to holding a big, hand-made, sign.

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Thursday, September 22, 2005

Katrina's Evil Step-Sister
Current mood: excited

"Nothing can come between us,
When it gets dark I tow your heart away."

"Lovely Rita" by the Beatles

I think we made Rita jealous with all the attention Katrina was getting. 170 MPH sustained winds, 200 MPH gusts. Every hurricane season, I like to track them as they come. There are several dark fascinations I have. One of them is tracking deadly storms. When I visted out west, I had a brush with a tornado warning. Now keep in mind, this is different than a tornado watch. A warning means that rotating clouds are spotted in the area. Since there was no storm cellar or basement, I reluctantly had to crouch into a closet and hold the door shut with my hand... all the while listening to the TV weather reporter, hoping the power didn't go out. It was frightening, but exciting.

I even get excited when a simple thunderstorm passes by. I don't know why. Well, when I was younger and living with my parents, my dad instilled some of the excitment / fear. You see, my house was blanketed with antennas. Radio, TV, CB, you name it. I think we even had some SETI antennas up there. So of course, when a bad storm would come, my dad would sometimes make me and my brother get our shoes on because of the risk of lightning hitting one of the gazillion rods targetted at our house. Keep in mind, this was usually really late at night and the odd feeling of having your sneakers on with just your Knight Rider pajamas was a bit off-setting to a youngster.

So be it a tornado, thunderstorm, hurricane, blizzard, or just the freak wind storm....I get excited. Of course, I don't want to see anyone get hurt. I don't find anything interesting about that. I do know that floods are the biggest killers. It's not lightning, or debris. It's water. People always seem to underestimate the strength of water. I remember one time, trying to drive home from work when the streets and parts of the highway were flooded. Even I, of all people, tried to drive through high waters that I probably shouldn't have driven through. By pure luck, my car didn't stall out. After carefully negotiating my way through a snaking alternate route of dry land, I eventually made it home in about 2 hours (which normally took 15 minutes.)

So now we have Rita. The bitch tornado. Projected models of her path indicate that she should hit the northern seaboard of Texas. They also say that she should weaken a little bit before hitting land. I'm carefully looking at the pressure though. If there is any one indicator of whether a hurricane will strengthen or not, it's the pressure. Right now, she's steady at about 897 mb. For those that don't know - this is REALLY low. The record for lowest pressure ever to hit the US is 892 from the infamous Labor Day Hurricane of 1935. So that would make Rita 5 mb away from the record. In other words, this is a monster that we haven't seen for 70 years.

Crazy Person of the Day: I was watching the news today about a family that was butchered to death in a neighboring city of mine. However, the 9-yr old managed to dial 911 after he too was stabbed multiple times. He's still alive and pointed out that a relative was possibly to blame. At the end of the news segment, they interviewed a few people. The Crazy award goes to this dude that said his peace of mind, but then abruptly cut in with his final words: "What else is there to say? Now go catch that Bastard! Aight?"

Oh lord I wish I had TiVo.

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Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Gettysburg Ghosts
Current mood: morose

When I was a kid, I was fascinated by UFOs, aliens, ghosts and the paranormal. I guess in many ways, I still am, but I've grown to be less of a believer. As years go by, I think about how I've never witnessed or experienced anything I would consider proof to myself that these things exist. I still, however, like to entertain the notion. I love watching those kind of documentaries on TV that try to hunt ghosts or provide proof of UFOs. I'm not so much into those TV shows about them....except for maybe X-files...but that was a long time ago. I also own almost every issue of a local magazine called Weird NJ, which recounts our state's legends, tells of people's weird encouters, and points out spooky places to visit. It's very entertaining, but of all the sites I've visited, nothing bizarre has ever happened.

The only thing I can say that spooks me out is that I have recurring dreams about UFOs. Usually, it revolves around me spotting one in the sky and somehow - telepathically I guess - realizing that they are aware of me being aware of them. I also have vague memories of contact with aliens in my dreams. I know some would venture to even say that it may actually have happened and they've erased my memory of it.

I've seen the ocassional object in the sky. Most of the time, it's a plane. Recently, there was a helicopter that was hovering right above the highway with a searchbeam pointed downward into a group of buildings. At first, I had no idea what it was and it freaked me out (almost wrecked). But upon closer inspection it was disappointing. The other objects I've seen could very well have been a blimp or something like that. I've never seen anything that moved in a manner that didn't seem like it was man-made.

As far as ghosts...I've never had anything happen to me that I couldn't provide a possible explanation for. I once had a television that changed channels on me automatically. I was spooked for a while until I figured that one of my neighbors probably had the same frequency remote as mine and the ocassional strong beam pointed in the right direction would trigger it. I've heard "noises" at night. But that could just be what every parent refers to as "the house settling." Actually, at night, when the temperature drops, it affects the supports of the house, usually causing it to slightly squeak every so often.

So as you can tell by now, it's hard for me to believe because of my experiences...or lack of experiences shall I say. And when people try to tell me their unexplainable ghost or UFO stories, I entertain them with my utmost interest, but deep down inside, I'm just thinking, "Oh, they're just more gullible than I am."

Last Saturday, I found myself in Gettysburg, PA. It seems that everywhere you look in this town, you can find a Ghost Hunt, Candlelight Tour, or Midnight Walk. Whatever they call it, they promise you a paranormal tour of Gettysburg's haunted reputation. Ok, fine. Even if I don't see or hear anything, it should be fun.

So off we go. Our tour guide was a nice lady, but she reaked of bologna. No, not the actual deli meat. I mean, bullshit. She played up ANY little thing. If someone felt a slight draft, she would say it was a ghost and go into some story about a dead kid from the Civil War. I listened with a smile. I took a bunch of pics with my camera at each site. We visited an old Civil War church that was once used as a living morgue. She said the bodies were piles so high that they would reach to our necks. We then went to a few other houses. I also did some voice recordings and tried to contact the dead. I asked such questions like, "If there are any spirits, please speak now" and "Are you from the North or the South" and my favorite, "This is your last chance to say something into the microphone."

Our tour guide was also taking a million pictures. It wasn't too spooky because there were about 15 of us - most were taking pictures with really bright flashes. Now I know why so many people are seeing "orbs." They're not energies - they're just LIGHTBULBS! Everywhere you look, DOTS! The guide let us listen to her voice recordings which had ghosts on them. We would all listen, and at the point where she said she heard something, there was nothing I could hear. Some where like, "OHHH, yes, I heard it! It said, Let me out!" I think it was just someone shuffling their feet. The tour guide is supposedly going to email us her pics that have ghosts in them. I'm thinking of Photoshopping a really comical looking ghost into one of my pics and sending it back to her.

Ok, so we finally get to our last "most haunted" spot. It's a grove, lined with trees and a woodsy area at the end. She took us through the grove and by certain trees. She warned us that the ghosts like to touch the women. They like to brush their hair and touch their ankles. I swear on my grave, about 6 or 7 people in the group claimed to have been touched. I'm not saying it didn't happen, but I didn't experience anything. I personally think that the power of persuasion played an important role. But honestly, it did make it more entertaining.

The climax of the tour was and the end of the grove. It was by far the spookiest place because of how dark it was. Here we all are in this dark field. At first, nobody wanted to go up to the trees to do a voice recording. So I bravely walked up and did a few. There was also this cool, hollowed out tree. I took a pic inside it and did another voice recording. Maybe when I review the evidence, something will mysteriously be there.

So that's my trip. I checked some of the pics I took for ghosts or "orbs." Nothing really stands out. Some were really scary-looking, but that's just how I look at night. I haven't checked the voice recordings, but if I discover anything unusual, I'll be sure to post it.

Crazy Person of the Day: There was a dude that drove past our tour group that yelled out of his window, "You're wasting your money!!!!" It was pretty funny.

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Friday, September 16, 2005

Battle
Current mood: bored

Check out GoogleBattle. It's a site where you see which of two words is more popular on the internet.

For instance, I battled "Bob" vs. "Joe." Bob came back with 296 million results and Joe came back with only 174 million. I win!

Crazy Person of the Day: Kanye West. Bob hates stupid people.

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Friday, September 16, 2005

spider on my arm
Current mood: crazy

I just got bit by this spider. I didn't see it, but I have 2 bites on my arm. It started out as 2 small itchy dots. But now they've swelled to about the size of half-dollar coins. They're red, hot to the touch, and sore.

I'm feeling dizzy and I think I'm hallucinating. If you don't see a blog in a while, I may be incompacitated or dead.

Crazy Person of the Day: There's a monkey in a red straightjacket trying to eat a banana with his feet sitting in the corner of my living room. That's pretty crazy. Someone make it stop.

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Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Goonies 2
Current mood: nostalgic

There have been rumors for the past 4 years. It's something that has been talked about for almost 20 years. Yes, that's right. The quintessential 80's movie, The Goonies, may still have a chance for it's sequel to be filmed.

I know some very priviliged information. But all I can release to the public is that the script has been written, the directors are willing, the old cast is willing, and locations are currently being scouted, including the original location in Astoria (Oregon?). There are, however, a few hangups, and filming probably won't start for a long time. But keep your fingers crossed.

Never Say Die.

Crazy Person of the Day: Chunk

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Monday, September 12, 2005

BK
Current mood: weird

I went to Burger King today. I haven't been there in a while. Honestly. Actually, today was my third day without meat. To tell you the truth, I feel great. I've been eating a lot of fruits and veggies, and a lot of other things like jello, crackers, Chex mix, peanuts, bagels, waffels, etc. Anyway, so I'm in line at Burger King.

I order my food and get it to go. I take my cup over to the fountain. I'm still cutting off caffeine, so I opted for the Orange soda. I was thirsy, so after I filled it up, I drank 3 large gulps and proceded to fill it back up to the brim again.

Except when I released the button, orange stuff kept coming out. And I say "orange stuff" because it wasn't the consistancy of orange soda. It was thicker. It was just the syrup without the carbonated water. So the remainding inch or so of my cup was filled and mixed in with just the syrup. Ok, fine, it'll taste a bit sweeter...not a big deal.

I remove my cup from the fountain and notice the syrup just gushing out automatically without any button being pressed. I inspected the button to see if it was jammed, but it was fine. I looked around to see if anybody was watching this to see if maybe they could help. Nope, I was on my own.

I resorted to what every man does when something doesn't work. Yes, I hit it. And with one fell smack, the square, plastic label of the Orange soda fountain flung off into the lids. Soda was slightly spraying everywhere.

Only me.

I looked around again for help and encouragement. It was like the Twilight Zone. Did I even exist? Was this happening?

You know what? I said, "I'm just gonna leave." And I took my food and sugary soda and briskly exited the establishment.

What a wacky day.

Crazy Person of the Day: Laura Bush, for her instantly insincere speech to Alabama victims of Katrina when she TWICE referred to it as Corina.

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Millionaire Result!!!!!
Current mood: anxious

Ok. I'm writing in real time here. Well, I guess I'm always writing in real time....what I mean is, I'm writing this blog as things happen...except for this next part....call it the intro:

INTRO:
Ok, so I go out to get the mail. I'm sorting through it all. Junk, junk, neighbor's, junk, neighbor's, coupons (junk), postcard from Millionaire, junk.....WAIT, POSTCARD FROM MILLIONAIRE!

And it just so happens that I was looking at it with the address side up. So the note telling me whether or not I will be in the contestant pool is on the other side.

REAL TIME:
Ok, so it's right in front of me now. I'm looking at it. I still haven't seen the other side. My name and address are in a sloppy cursive. I don't feel too hopeful. I would think that if I was going to be on Millionaire, I'd get at least an envelope with a letter explaining directions on the details of being on the show. But then again, the guy at the audition said, you'll just receive a postcard. If it says YES, you're in. But then I couldn't remember if the people would get a NO if they're not in. Damn it! Maybe he said if you're not in, you won't get anything. Or maybe it was you'll get a postcard that says NO. I DON'T REMEMBER!

Ok, the sides of the postcard is kinda ripped. It doesn't look like a winner to me. Or maybe it got a little ripped in the mail. Maybe it was the mailman's fault.

Alright, I think I'm ready to turn it over and discover my fate. A small side of me wants it to say NO because I'm nervous about doing bad on the show. Ok, here goes nothing........

Ok, I chickened out. I bent over the top half of the card just to reveal the Millionare Logo and the words "Valleycrest Production LTD." Ok, here's the real deal......

......

......

Thank you for your interest in being a contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire." You have not been selected to be a potential contestant. We appreciate your continued interest in the show and thank you for taking the time to audition with us.

Well, there you have it, folks. It's a no go.

Crazy Person of the Day: {in a sulky voice} Whoever it was that was responsible at Millionaire for rejecting my appearance on the show. Surely, they must be crazy.

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Saturday, September 10, 2005

Millionaire Update
Current mood: hopeful

Yes, it's true. I might appear on the gameshow Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Which is why I need your help.

I need you to message me ANY stupid trivia you have. It could be about entertainment, sports, literature, geography, world records, or ANYTHING you specialize in. Even if it's dumb, send it to me. You never know what might appear as a question.

Crazy People of the Day: All the people who perpetuate that STUPID Applebee's gift certificate e-mail hoax. I can't believe it's still going and I can't believe how many stupid people are out there.

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Friday, September 09, 2005

GasDaq II
Current mood: contemplative

I'm having a special on gas today: A Going Out of Business Sale. Come by my garage and get it while supplies last.

Instructions: Knock 3 times on the pane of the garage door. Loudly state, "I am not the police!" Then for every gallon you wish to purchase, knock that many more times on the pane.

Gas prices have peaked and are slowly coming back down. I still have a bunch of gas that I bought several years ago when it was only $1.44. Everything must go. The sale is $2 a gallon. No credit cards accepted.

Check out this graph

I'll be inside my garage waiting for you. Knock loud, because I'll be welding a huge hole I made in the bottom of my car. The Flintstones were geniuses. But it looks like I might be able to afford gas again.

Crazy Person of the Day: Celine Dion, who recently said it was okay for people to loot stores in New Orleans because there are poor people who have never touched nice things like that before. Canada called, they said to stop bothering us Americans and get back home.

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Wednesday, September 07, 2005

fjasldkfjasdl;kjfl;as

As funny as the subject line is, I'm sure it's been used before. This is in reference to my jury duty.

I arrive early at the court administration building to find parking. Even on their notice, they say they HIGHLY recommend public transportation. You can't park at a meter and if you find a spot, more than likely it will require a Zone 2 permit, which you have to obtain inside the building. Retarded.

I parked far away in a free spot. So I walked about 10 minutes.

I get inside the building, go through security, and wait in line for a few minutes. The lady tells me I can't be in the jury today because they didn't recieve my form in the mail. fjasldkfjasdl'kjfl'as

Now, she makes me fill out another application to request another date. I decided to go with the hardship excuse this time and get out of it all together. I return it to the lady and she calls me on it. She told me I'd need the appropriate W-2 forms and whatnot. Then she noticed I was a teacher, so finally, after a brief discussion, we postponed the date until late June. I'll be getting another form in the mail. This will be the fourth time I will have filled it out. I'm so mad.

I wasn't leaving empty-handed though. I stole the pencil she gave me.

The walk back to my car was longer somehow. I think I invented new combination of curse words. With my luck, I expected a ticket on my window, or my stereo stolen. No luck this time, but I am running out of gas. The court should compensate me for the $3 or so it took me to get there.

Crazy Person of the Day: Weird, old Japanese man wearing a gi and stretching out on the sidewalk. I thought he was going to karate chop my neck as I passed him.

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Monday, September 05, 2005

Jury Duty
Current mood: working

I've been summoned. My call to serve my country has come. Yes. Jury Duty. I am officially Juror No. 0430. I go in tomorrow morning. It should be interesting...at least noteworthy for a blog. I will be sure to take notes and disclose as much information (as much as I'm allowed, of course) in my next blog.

Projected Crazy Person of Tomorrow: The Accused

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Sunday, September 04, 2005

Who Wants Me To Be On Millionaire?
Current mood: excited

Well, I auditioned for Who Wants To Be a Millionaire recently. Here's basically what I went through for the audition:

I arrived at the ABC building and filled out an application / survey. The questions were along the lines of "What would you do with a million dollars?" and "What's the most interesting thing about you?" I tried to answer as creatively and humorously as I could.

Next, we waited on line for a while. I suppose there were about 60 or more of us. They then lead us across the street to a dining room inside a bar to take the test. The test consisted of about 30 questions. We had 10 minutes to take it. For the record, the guy across from me totally cheated off me. Loser.

We were then lead back across the street where we stood in line for about an hour. And of course I find the most annoying person in line to stand next to. This guy and his wife were chain smokers like you wouldn't believe. He smoked at least 10 cigarettes in that hour. The guy had one of the most annoying personalities ever. I literally stood about 10 feet behind them to get away.

The line grew as audience members arrived. We all then shuffled past security into the building and onto the set. It was pretty cool. They had this warm-up guy come out to keep us entertained and enthusiastic. He was really good. I don't think I was bored 1 second.

Meredith came out and did two tapings of the show. It was fun. At the end of the show, the warm-up guy came out and announced the people who passed the test. My name got called. Whoo hoo!

The 16 or so of us that passed were told to sit in a section while the rest exit the building. We then got our pictures taken and handed in our applications / surveys. I then was briefly interviewed - about 3 minutes - for them to get a sense of my personality. It went fairly well. I tried to stay animated and exciting. I think I was the only young person there. No offense, but the others looked pretty boring. The kicker was that the guy who cheated off me was there too. Grr!

We then left the building. They said they would send us all postcards in the mail to let us know if we were in the contestant pool for a future taping. I'll be sure to announce it on my blog when I find out.

I'm kinda nervous now, because I don't consider myself that smart. I have a lot of categorical weaknesses in trivia. My history isn't all that great...geography sucks....literature is down the tubes. If I get picked, just pray that I get a lot of entertainment questions and dumb trivia.

Crazy Person of the Day: The guy in front of me in the line outside ABC. His name is David Wittman (I peeked at his application). I overheard he has a PHD in Psychology. Seriously. I can't make stuff like that up!

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Thursday, August 25, 2005

Chord Analysis and Crazies
Current mood: geeky

Air Supply's "Every Woman in the World To Me"
with selected chord analysis by me.

Intro: F# - B - F# - E
V - I - V - IV (V/A)

Verse: A - D - A - D - bm - E - c#m - f#m - D - A - E (Repeat)

Chorus:
A E
[Girl..you're]

A - A/G# - D - bm - D - E
A - A/G# - D - bm - C#sus4 - C#
I - IV - ii - V/vi (V/V in B)

1st Reprisal: F# - B - F# - F
V - I - V - (V/Bb)

Verse 2: Bb - Eb - Bb - Eb - cm - F - dm - gm - Eb - Bb - F

Chorus 2:
Bb F
[Girl..you're]

Bb - Bb/A - Eb - cm - Eb - F
Bb - Bb/A - Eb - cm - Dsus4 - D
I - IV - ii - V/vi (V/V in C)

2nd Reprisal: G - C - E - F#
V - I - III (IV/B) - V [III is the chromatic mediant pivot used to modulate]

Chorus 3: B - B/Bb -E - c#m - E - F# (Repeat to fadeout)

Crazy People of the Day: While I was jogging, a old man made his hand into the shape of a gun and pretended to shoot me (with sound effects) and said, "Got ya!" Bizzare. Next, I was at a park and this homeless man that was waving an American flag at traffic came over to us. I think he called us assholes and commented to the old man on a bike behind us to "Run'em over. Put a tire up their ass." Bezerker.

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Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Moog

Robert Moog - rhymes with vogue - inventor of the synthesizer, has passed away on Sunday. His instruments have been featured on everything from The Beatles album, Abbey Road, to artists such as Yes, Pink Floyd, and later acts such as Nine Inch Nails, Sonic Youth, and Phish. Basically, if you're a musician, you know the word "Moog." And if you're a keyboardist, you use the word on a daily basis.

RIP

Crazy Person of the Day: Any person willing to put the word "Pink" in their band name.

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Thursday, August 11, 2005

Hosed Down
Current mood: shocked

Ok, I know I normally put the Crazy Person of the Day at the end of each blog, but not this time. This short entry is entirely devoted to today's lunatic. A nutzo that could very well be your next-door neighbor.

This morning, I got up and went for a jog. At about the 2 1/2 mile mark is where I make a turn and go up a ginormous hill. Some days I slowly jog up it as a challenge. Other days, I just don't want to deal with it and resort to walking. Well, today, I decided I would push myself. It's funny to see some of the looks I get from the passing cars, which are also having some difficulty driving up the hill. Some give me the look like, "What? Is this kid crazy?" Others, especially policemen and mailcarriers give me the "Are you sure you're okay?" look.

This time, I got about half way up. Everything was going good. Then, out of nowhere, I'm getting doused with water. I'm not talking about a little sprinkle. I mean, I was SOAKED. I turn my head and spot an old man spraying me down with a garden hose and laughing at me. Apparently, he was watering his lawn and thought I could use some cooling down.

I don't know how, but I managed to keep jogging. I didn't think it was very funny at all. I gave him the sarcastic "thanks alot" wave, and continued on my way.

So, yes, the Crazy Person of the Day is this psycho who thinks it's okay to hose people down whenever he feels like it. I'm jogging on the other side of the road tomorrow.

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005

New Mexico
Current mood: gloomy

Next Monday, August 15, we celebrate something called VJ Day. Well, we also celebrate it on September 2nd as well. You see, the first date, back in 1945 was when we celebrated victory over Japan in World War II. The September date was when Japan formally surrendered. I guess you don't have much choice when 2 atomic bombs are dropped on your country.

Some quick facts from the 2 bombings in case you didn't know: About 300,000 were killed / missing - most were killed instantaneously, but many also died from radiation exposure over the next few days, months and years; over 6 sq. miles of populous city space was leveled; the so-called reason for dropping the first bomb was to end the war and save an estimated 200,000 - 1 million American lives, which would have perished if they continued the war; there was no logical reason for dropping the 2nd bomb.

2 days after the 1st bomb hit Hiroshima, leaflets were dropped over Japan that read the following

"TO THE JAPANESE PEOPLE:
America asks that you take immediate heed of what we say on this leaflet.
We are in possession of the most destructive explosive ever devised by man. A single one of our newly developed atomic bombs is actually the equivalent in explosive power to what 2000 of our giant B-29s can carry on a single mission. This awful fact is one for you to ponder and we solemnly assure you it is grimly accurate.
We have just begun to use this weapon against your homeland. If you still have any doubt, make inquiry as to what happened to Hiroshima when just one atomic bomb fell on that city.
Before using this bomb to destroy every resource of the military by which they are prolonging this useless war, we ask that you now petition the Emperor to end the war. Our president has outlined for you the thirteen consequences of an honorable surrender. We urge that you accept these consequences and begin the work of building a new, better and peace-loving Japan.
You should take steps now to cease military resistance. Otherwise, we shall resolutely employ this bomb and all our other superior weapons to promptly and forcefully end the war."

The VERY next day, we dopped another bomb on Nagasaki. Talk about giving them a chance to surrender!

Anyway, going back to the testing of the first atomic bomb....It was first tested in a place called Trinity, New Mexico, on the White Sands Missile Range. After finding it on a map, I looked for how close the nearest substantial town that exists today. About 50 miles east from the the site of the test bombing is a town called Carrizozo, which has a little over 1,000 people. You can Click Here to visit the site for this town. It's funny to see how they make NO mention of the test bombing.

So, this coming Monday, and then again on September 2nd, we will celebrate our victory. Doesn't it seem gloatingly wrong to set aside 2 days (let alone 1 day) of celebration that we killed so many people, many of which were children and innocent civilians? Is it something to really be proud of? Maybe we should just look at it as something that worked out in our favor, saved many American lives, but wasn't necessarily the wisest option we could have asserted. It makes you wonder in amazement how the timing of atomic technology and the timing of a major war crossed paths as they did. What would have happened if the A-bomb wasn't discovered or couldn't be developed for another 10 years after 1945?

Well, I know this particular entry has probably been a boring blog. I don't know why I'm fascinated by the bombs. I guess I'm just bewildered at how we could make the decision to kill so many people in a split second. It kinda makes 9/11 look wimpy in some respects. True, terrorism sucks worse than war, but war also sucks.

Crazy Person of the Day: Me, for looking up and finding a website that shows a map of probably nuke targets for the eastern seaboard. It's the ONLY time I wish I was in Kansas or some other box state.

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Monday, August 08, 2005

Shuttle Explosion Delayed Until Tues.
Current mood: devious

I know a few people will probably think my heading was a little harsh, but come on. You KNOW this will probably be a record setting tune-in because people want to see if the thing blows up.

This event has all the makings of a Hollywood movie. And now, we get a chance to watch it unfold without spending $9.50 for a ticket. You have the first shuttle up since the Columbia disaster; another piece of insulation that falls from the shuttle during liftoff; other little anomolies; an adventurous, first ever space walk to repair a piece of filler, which if left alone could cause another disaster; sudden, cliffhanging delays because of weather....the list goes on.

Ok, to make things straight, I don't WANT it to explode. I'm just emphasizing that this will be on everyone's mind while watching it return. And if another disaster does occur, our space program will essentially be dead for a long time. Space exploration is cool, and we don't want that to happen. We wouldn't want all those billions of dollars that we basically pay for to go to waste.

Andy Rooney from 60 Minutes also brought about the point of how much money our overextended military spends on hundreds of war machines that we don't ever or will ever use. Since when could our government just throw around the word "billion" like it was nothing? Let's got back to that point and throw up our hands or make a hissy fit or something. Andy suggests that we cut back the budget and give the extra money to teachers. I guess that sounds fair, but if things were fair, we wouldn't have much to complain about. If things were fair, our 1st Amendment privilage would be as useless as a microphone at an Ashlee Simpson concert.

Anyway, back to the Discovery mission. With a name like that, I'd like to know all that was discovered on that mission. For all that time they weren't repairing their own folly, what did they actually do? What were the experiments? What did we learn? I think all they really discovered is how badly NASA sucks at making a shuttle launch safe. Come on, it's not rocket science!

Crazy People of the Day: Conspiracy theorists who say that the Columbia shuttle never really exploded and they are still up in space.

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Sunday, August 07, 2005

GasDaq
Current mood: infuriated

I have gas.

No, really. Back when gas was only $1.44 and 99/100 cents a gallon, I bought like a whole bunch of it and stored it in containers in my garage. I think it's illegal. Anyhow, since the lowest price anywhere near here is about $2.20, I'm selling. And I'm selling it a bit cheaper than those gas stations too. I call it The GasDaq. People are lining up at my house. I'm serious.

With the money I'm making, I'll invest it into alternate power vehicle companies. Screw oil. Screw the Middle East. And yes, I'll say it, screw Texas....and Alaska just for the fun of it. We don't need them anymore.

The conspiracy has lasted long enough. Just like the cures for diseases that we have but aren't making known to the public because pharmaseutical companies are making too much money with their expensive "treatments." Yeah, throw hospitals and HMOs in the mix too. This is bad. It's like Deep Throat pt. II. I think JFK was involved with it too and when he turned and threatened to go public with it, things got ugly.

On second thought, I don't even want the money. I'm going to make those millions and then put all the bills into a paper shredder. And whatever change I have I will melt down in a superheated vat. This will cause the biggest deflation in history. Now, milk will only be 75 cents like back in the day. Candy bars will be 5 cents. And champagne will flow like water. I will be The Inflator Eliminator. Mr. Gas Ex. The Oil Spoiler. The King of the Crusaders.

Alright, you called me on it. I don't have any gas.

Crazy Person of the Day: Jed from the Beverly Hillbillies

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Thursday, August 04, 2005
Relaxing Day at the Local Pool, Right?....WRONG
Current mood: sick

Every Tuesday and Thursday I work as a counselor at this summer program in my town. Thursdays we go to the local pool. All I basically have to do is swim around with them, have them follow the rules, and make sure nobody drowns. We usually just play tag or something of the sort.

Well, today's pool day started out very typical. The lifeguards there are very strict and use any chance they can get to blow their whistles. I guess it could get boring otherwise. But if a kid even looks like he's going to jump in from the side, or if someone's hanging on the ladder, or if someone's splashing too much, or if someone's running, the whistle comes out in full force. God forbid anybody loses their wristband in the pool - no one's allowed in the pool area without a wristband. So if someone finds one floating around, it becomes a big deal. One lifeguard will yell out, "Ok, everybody raise their wrists so we can find out who's missing a wristband." And of course, in my town, many people don't speak or understand English very well. So it's not uncommon to see confused faces when they see everybody raising their hands. Then they'll raise the wrong hand, thinking, oh we're just raising any old hand. It literally takes about 5 minutes to crack this mystery.

The guards also like to make announcements throughout the pool session. For instance, "Tomorrow the pool will be closed for a brief time period...", or "Attention everyone: It is now pouring outside and anyone who left their bike outside should bring it in so it doesn't get rusted."

After about an hour and a half, they blow that golden whistle again and make everyone get out of the pool. Once everyone is out, they make the announcement that everyone has to stand behind the green line. Once again, confusion. Eventually, hand gestures usually get the job done. At this point, one guard goes around the pool's edge to pick up any debris, like band-aids and small pieces of trash. Two other guards will also dive in from one end and do a spot check of the pool's bottom, looking for more debris.

We all became familiar with this routine by now. We even joked about how rediculous it seemed to be that meticulous over things. But it's probably just standard procedures and, hey, it won't hurt to be extra cautious to keep the pool clean.

Well, we may have thought it was a rediculous procedure until today. Usually, they'll just find tiny, insignificant items on the bottom, pick them up and toss them out of the pool. But today, we noticed some sort of commotion. You could tell that they were trying to keep it on the down low, too. Me and another counselor saw that they had to go get the Latex gloves out in order to retrieve something. Ut oh. They never had to do this before.

One of the guards dived down, got the item and then things got weird with this final announcement. "Attention everyone: Unfortunately, for your own saftey and health, we are going to have to close the pool down for the rest of the day due to something we have found at the bottom. We will have to flush the water and wait for the maintainance crew to arrive to remedy the situation. We apologize for any inconvenience."

As we were leaving, we tried to get the lifeguards to tell us what, exactly, they had found. Their reply was, "You don't need to know." We said, "Well, we were swimming in the pool. We do need to know." They said, "No, you don't."

Of course, we had a fairly good guess at what it was. We saw them throw the item and gloves into the garbage, but I don't think any of us wanted to look. I don't think I really wanted to know what it was anyway.

So, two showers later, here I am typing this blog. Next time you think you just have to worry about little kids peeing in the pool, think a little bit more creatively...and I'm sure you'll come up with what happened to me today.

Crazy Person of the Day: Ian Thorpe and whoever left that nasty surprise at the bottom of the pool today.

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Saturday, July 30, 2005

10th Planet
Current mood: cynical

Astronomers claimed to have found a 10th planet. It's beyond Pluto and bigger. Others dispute whether it should be considered an actual planet because there's a ton of objects orbiting out by the end of the solar system. Heck, back in 1930, when Pluto was discovered, people argued over whether it should be a planet or not because it was so dissimilar to the other 8 planets. Anyway, they've catalogued this new one as 2003UB313. Wow, I bet this will screw up that pnuemonic device kids memorize in school! It's all semantics to me. I don't really care if it's a planet or not. I won't live to see any thorough exploration of it.

I was hoping they'd name the new one Donald or Mickey, thereby starting a new trend.

Crazy People of the Day: The Internation Astronomical Union, responsible for officially determining whether something can be called a planet. I'd give my left nut to hear these discussions.

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Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Amish Amore
Current mood: thirsty

Just wanted to briefly say how I'm somewhat envious of the Amish lifestyle. I think I've become so addicted and excited about technology that I probably won't ever give it up. When you really think about it, all our little gadgets that make daily life easier aren't really all that important. Sure, life would be hell and everything would take 10 times longer to do. But in a way, periodically taking the time to think about these differences gives you some sort of clearer perspective on life. However, I do believe either way, we as humans take anything we do repeatedly for granted. I think we take electricity, communication, entertainment, toys, etc for granted, but I also think that the Amish would also lose a bit of the perspective by doing their daily tasks over and over. My point is that you need to see and experience (not just imagine) all or as many perspectives as you can in order to better realize or appreciate life. I know no one asks for the life they're given. We can't control the places we settle or the upbringing we have. We can't control the religion, mores, traditions, heritage or blood we are born with. But we do have a choice to venture away from "home" and explore the different viewpoints of the lives of various ideologies. Unfortunately, with the vastness of varieties that do exist, it's blatantly impossible to even skim the surface of half of them. But how could you not want to know what's behing these doors? How can you not be tempted to turn the doorknobs and take a peek inside as many as you can? Sure, you might not like what you see or you might not understand it, but you have two feet....you could just walk back home or to the next door. Not that I have any plans on becoming Amish - like I said, I'm too far gone - but I'm willing to research and listen. I'm willing to experience things I haven't tried before. I'm willing to listen to things I don't understand. I'm willing to make mistakes and learn. I'm willing to fall down because I know if life was too easy, it's no life at all. Ok, I guess I'm getting too philosophical, but there's a point in there. I'm not looking for the silver lining or Fountain of Youth. I'm just looking for whatever might be out there. I'm looking to find it, hold it in my hands for a while, and move on while taking a piece of it with me.

Crazy People of the Day pt. 2: Hermits

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Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Something Interesting
Current mood: nostalgic

Random interesting things in my life:

College Highlight: I once played a French percussion solo with piano accompaniment by Simone Ple where I used 21 different percussion instruments.

Worst Gambling Misfortune: I once sat right next to a person that won $25,000 on an electronic bingo machine.

Vacation Highlight: I once did a half-drunken backflip off a pirate ship in the Carribean Ocean.

"What Was I Thinking? Moment: I once ran through a busy intersection dribbling a soccer ball while yelling at cars through a megaphone.

Most "Pimpy" Moment: While I was a teenager, I once had my arms around two older women who were escorting me to their car. We drove to their house where I discovered that they were "exotic dancers" who worked at an "adult entertainment" business.

Brush With the Law: Backtalking a police officer when I told him off for flashing his highbeams in our eyes during a bad snowstorm. I said he could have killed me. He then proceded to tell me to get out of the car and gave me a long, nasty lecture.

Crazy Person of the Day: Frank Gorshin, who played the Riddler in the original Batman series on TV. An outfit THAT tight...he must have been crazy.

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Friday, July 22, 2005

Jaws
Current mood: sore

Ok. Just so you know, most of the time my memory is hazy at best. I forget names easily, I can't remember faces well, I forget a lot of precious childhood moments, and of course I can only remember stupid mundane things - although my version of these memories are probably very distorted anyway (it's kinda like when you play that game where you whisper a sentence down a long line of people to see if the last person says it the same).

So every few years, I tend to forget how badly the sun burns me if I stay out too long. Well, it's not that I forget. I mean I always tell people how white I am and how easy it is for me to get burned. But I guess it just becomes surreal or legendary in my mind.

It's been a few years since I've been to the beach, so when the option came up, I went for it. But of course, I didn't give the sun due consideration. I plainly underestimated it once again. First of all, I didn't put the lotion on before I got in the car. I got lazy and ignorant. The label even says, apply generously 1/2 hr. before you're exposed to the sun. Nope, I waited until I was out on the sand, already simmering from the car ride and slow walk down to the beach. I was probably already slightly burned by then anyhow.

I gooped it on, making sure to get everywhere evenly. Then, I went out into the water. The waves were violent. I think it was very borderline on whether they were going to close the beach. The lifeguards were only allowing a very small section for the few people that were crazy enough to battle the waves. And yes, I was one of them.

It's all about timing really. You have to wait for a slight break in the waves to swim out a little bit, past where they are breaking the most. Otherwise, you'll get slammed repeatedly. There were a few kids that got tossed around like ragdolls. Most of them eventually retreated back to their towels after a few minutes. And of course, there were all the others, mostly girls, standing way back where the water will just barely surround their feet. They had that look on their faces like they wanted so badly to enter the water, but couldn't get past the ferociousness of the sea. Sometimes a few of them would get too near and get pushed over on their back, while others run for their lives back to the dry sand.

I made it out to where it was fairly safe. You see, you want to be at a point where you have options. My 3 options were: ride the wave, dive under the wave, or just float above it. It all depends on where it's breaking in regard to where you're located. It was fun for a while. The trick is finding the right time to get back to shore without getting pounded.

I took a few breaks, but when I noticed a pack of "2-pieces" giggling by the water's edge, I decided it was time to go back in and show off a little. Yes, watch the manly man brave the viscious waves. I am a sea man. I battle the ocean. I conquer nature.

I got out there and did my thing for a while. I really don't think anyone was impressed, but I pretended like I was the surf king anyway. And during my obnoxious display, I failed to get out at the right timing. BOOM I was slightly battered by a medium-sized wave. I was still standing. I tried to make out a confident chuckle although, I think it was more like a frightened chuckle. I scrambled around to see if I should either go back out and be safe or kick it in to high gear back to land. And in that moment as I pondered the choice, I froze as this towering body of water slammed into my face, knocking me backwards and into the ground underneath the water. My knee and leg were dragged across the rocky, jagged shards of broken seashells. Sand was entering places sand should not go. Salt water was being swallowed. Yes, I was finished.

I quickly crawled back to land, and stumbling, I regained my stance. Even after all that just happened, I still tried to walk confidently back to my towel. I didn't dare look down. I knew my knee was probably bleeding, I just prayed it wasn't gushing. My goal was to make it back, but not make it appear like I was defeated. Nope, I just had enough, that's all. I'm gonna take a break.

I was half-expecting the sun to kick my ass, but being double-teamed that day wasn't in any of my plans. In the car going home, I could feel parts of my skin already starting to sting from the sun, not to mention the sting of a hundred little scrape marks left from my dramatic stumble.

So, I've learned another lesson....well maybe just for another year or two. Sometimes, you just can't help history repeating itself.

Crazy Person of the Day: Me, but not because of sunburn or the fall. I wore this vintage Jaws t-shirt to the beach thinking it would be funny. Little did I know, a shark should have been the least of my fears.

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Friday, July 15, 2005

My Trip
Current mood: exhausted

Things of interest that I did in Oklahoma:

#1. I played golf for the first time. I even got to ride those cool golf carts. It turns out that I have a wicked drive. My putting isn't too bad either. My weakness is definitely technique, which can cause me to be wild, especially on the medium range shots. I think I shot a 113 on a 72 par. I almost made a birdie on one hole and wound up hitting par only twice. I know I've mocked golf before. It wastes a lot of land that could be used for other purposes. It's not a physical sport...more like a coordination sport, like billiards, darts, or bowling....unless you count carrying the golfbag, which I didn't even do. Anyway, it was surprisingly fun to play and I think I'll play again soon.

#2 . I ate sushi for the first time. I really didn't want to, but someone I know just became a sushi chef, and whenever there's a chance to do something new, I'm tempted to do it. Verdict: Not as bad as I thought, but I probably won't get it again any time soon. I got to sample many different kinds of rolls. Some where even cooked a little, one had chicken in it, and the others were fishy. One of the rolls had this red caviar on it too. Not too great tasting, but it was different and I'm glad I tried it.

#3. I held a police-issued tazer. It was cool. It had a laser on it too. My friend, who's a policeman, told me all about it. He even got tazered to see what it felt like. I'm sure if I'd asked him, he would have let me tazer him right there, but I probably couldn't do it. I'd feel too bad. And I sure as hell wasn't getting jolted. I'm afraid to get too near electrical outlets!

#4. I fed a goat. He ate the bark off of a twig I held in front of him.

Yep, that's it. I'm glad to be back. Oh and speaking of goats, come out to the next Shamra show this Friday, 7-15-05 at The Dancing Goat in South Orange, NJ at 8p. If you come, I'll even feed you a twig.

Crazy Person of the Vacation: Jay, the policeman who voluntarily got tazered.

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Sunday, June 26, 2005

OK
Current mood: rushed

I'm leaving for Oklahoma to visit family for a few weeks. I'm not sure if I'll be able to, but I'll try to write a blog or two while I'm away. I'll be back around July 11th, 3 days shy of Henry's birthday. He's the notable rhythm guitarist of the buzzing band, Shamra. Henry and I have been in the same band for just over 10 years now. That's crazy. Hey, while I'm away, visit Shamra at www.shamra.net.

Um...that's it. Wait..............yeah, that's it.

Crazy Person of the Day: A random Oklahoman.

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Saturday, June 18, 2005

Turtles, Caffeine, and Cell Phones
Current mood: contemplative

Ok, today brings us many missions; or myriad mindsets; or a menagerie of meaning; multifarious miscellaneousness; a manifold of mixes. Ok, let me close the thesaurus before I get out of hand with these alliterated, redundant synonyms.

A trifold of topics (last one I promise): reptiles, drug addiction, and the evolution of communication.

While I jog, I sometimes get snidbits of conversation from people I pass. Usually it's two people, and I'm able to get anywhere from a few words to a few sentences, depending on two factors: how fast I'm running and how fast they're speaking. Granted, on occasion, I will come across the lone person talking to him/herself. I find it fascinating that these people can do that. First of all, most people think this is a sign of insanity or weirdness. I think it's brilliant. If I wasn't so worried about what people think, I'd do it. For some reason, talking out loud to yourself is more stimulating and interesting. Most of the time, that little voice inside your head is sooo monotone that you could be at high risk of falling asleep - while your walking! Oh, and those people singing out loud when they're all alone on the street (in a car doesn't count)....that takes marbles the size of churchbells. I've even seen people take it a step further. I've seen people all alone, singing AND dancing on the sidewalk. Those people are in a weird way, my heroes.

Ok, I've done it again...back to my point. I was jogging today and as I passed two youngster leaving school, I overheard two self-redeeming sentences that relate to my previous blog, Dead Fish. I think one was holding a turtle and the other a fish in a bag. One of the kids said, "At least you can hold a turtle. You can't hold a fish." If you haven't read my Dead Fish blog from a few weeks ago, do so now.

I wanted to turn around and give the kid a hi-five, but I was afraid I might be getting a ride back to my house in a police cruiser. Picture a 9-yr. old kid getting approached by a running, beet-red-faced, sweating, scruffy guy with his hand raised up toward him. Yeah, that's why I didn't do it. I probably would also have made him drop the fish bag.

Topic 2: Yes, I am addicted to drugs. Well, a drug. Caffeine. I've recently read about how caffeine affects your body and now I'm trying get off it. The article said it's like a 3-5 day withdrawal with bad headaches, depression and many other annoying symptoms.

Let me try to quickly try to explain how caffeine works, from memory. First of all, it is extremely addictive and over 90 percent of Americans consume it every single day. It basically affects your body like a MILD dose of cocaine or heroin. When it enters the body, adenosine receptors (responsible for grabbing adenosine, which makes you sleepy) grab caffeine because it looks like adenosine. Because the receptors grab all the caffeine, they can't see the sleepy stuff, therefore cells speed up, blood vessels constrict (which is why headaches are relieved), and increased neuron firing in the brain. The brain thinks it's an emergency. It releases adrenaline, which causes a plethora of more stimulating symptoms. Dopamine, the chemical that stimulates your pleasure center (no, not sex, but sex releases dopamine too, which is why both caffeine and sex can be addictive) is released. Once the caffeine starts to wear off, you become really fatigued, depressed, achy, etc. Which is why your body either subconciously or consiously wants more caffeine - thus continuing the horrible cycle.

Ok, that was too long. I guess I remembered a lot. Anyway, they say caffeine, or at least too many mgs of it is bad for you. Thus, I am trying to kick the habit and be in the 10 percentile of Americans. Plus, I'll feel less like a conformist, which is basically me in a nutshell. Although, I can sometimes outwit myself and try to be anti anti-conforming, which would just make me like everyone else again. But at least in my mind, I feel like I've put some effort into it. And now that I'm trying this break of habit, I've realized how many things have caffeine in it! I accidentally drank some today and ruined my 2-day streak. I had Sobe's No Fear Super Energy Supplement drink. I'm so dumb. On the back it even says, and I'm not kidding: Not recommended for children, pregnant women, or people sensitive to caffeine. So, back to square one.

And lastly, cell phones. I'll make this short. I think people use cell phones too often. True, our advancement in technology and communication has made our world a safer place. But I hesitate in thinking it has made our world a happier place. Maybe it is easier to talk to mom, who lives in Florida now. Maybe it's kinda cool to have the convenience to talk to people whenever you want without having to find a grimy phonebooth and choke up 35 cents or whatever the charges are now (shows you how long I've stayed away from these bacteria traps). But has it made our world a happier place overall?

Do 10-yr old kids really need to be taking cell phones to school? If I recall, generations have made it through the day without having a portable phonebooth in their pocket. And generations weren't afraid to walk 5 miles home in the snow without shoes because they couldn't make a phone call.

And worst of all: The master of disaster. The devil of all acoustics. The breaker of all things peaceful. RINGTONES. Just google the word ringtone, and you'll see how obsessed we've become. Well, the least I can say is that at least Beethoven isn't rolling around in his coffin AS MUCH now that there are more ringtones....or as a professor once described him..."decomposing." Har Har.

Go ahead ask me. Yes, I do have a cell. I hate using it. And when I do use it and call other people's cell phones, I usually get their voicemail. So basically, it's just as bad as cell phones not existing, perhaps more annoying. Also, sometimes I'll be out of range OR I'll get choppy signal from the person on the other end, OR the battery will die or be dead. I'm sure this happens to everyone. I have no ringtones. I always use vibrate. I like the unexpected mini-message I get. So, in summary, until we can somewhat perfect this technology, I won't wear the gigantic foam #1 hand with the words "cell phone" on it. It seems America likes to rush technology on the market to exploit our "right here, righ now" mentality. So I don't expect a product ever to come out without many little annoying bugs. And we need cell phone laws. When this many people have them and are using them in annoying ways (like in a quiet restaurant or in school or in church, in the movies [God, I'm sick of those turn off your cellphone announcements - if you have to be told, you shouldn't have a cell in the first place]) there needs to be some laws to control our insensitive behavior.

What have we learned today? Turtles are superior, caffeine is the anti-Christ, and I hope frequent cell phone use does cause cancer....ok, I went too far, just kidding about that last one. But if you own a pet fish, consume caffeine every day, AND overuse your cell, why not take this time to heed my 1-step solution to eliminating all 3 of these nasty indignations: the toilet.

Crazy Person of the Day: You, if you've successfully read through this entire blog without slightly agreeing with me.

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Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Skin Grafting

Television is dangerous sometimes. For example, one day I was flipping around the channels. I don't normally watch much television, but it can be relaxing at times - I usually watch Jeopardy!, reruns of Seinfeld, an occasional episode of Cops, those extreme/amazing videos shows, and of course the news - but back to my blog. I'm a fairly fast flipper. I pride myself in having the ability to determine whether a channel is interesting or not in about .346 seconds...on average. But I have an unusual quirk. I'll flip fast for a while, but then I'll randomly stop on a channel and give it an extended evaluation. If it doesn't hook me in those 5 or so seconds, I off and running again.

Oh, and let's not forget commercials - the evil nemesis of any couch potato. I have no patience for them. True, some of them have managed to be funny, but in the end, their the devil. I'm proud to boast about my high skill of finding a heirarchy of 3 different channels that I will watch at any given time, flipping between them during commercials. You see, with 2, you run the risk of having commercials on both channels. And while the average Joe Potato might throw his hands up and scream, "How is that possible? It figures! Now what am I supposed to do?" I, on the other hand took the process a step further with what I call, the The 3-Step Sidestep." Give it a try, but be forewarned beginner potatoes: it's not an easy task.

Ok, please, now. Let me get back to my blog. Where was I? I think I was flipping and then I randomly stopped on a channel. That channel was the Discovery Health channel. I happened to stop there long enough to see something that made my stomach literally vibrate with fear. It was a surgery with a guy's face completely removed!!! How the hell can they show that in the middle of the day?? After I picked myself off the floor, and scambled to change the channel, I couldn't believe what I just saw. It was tattooed on my brain. A faceless head. It was worse than most horror films I had seen.

Now I understand surgeries of this nature take place. The doctors who perform these things are true heroes. Reconstruction of the body takes a lot of skill. Perhaps more skill than the 3-Step Sidestep. And don't get me wrong, it is interesting. But when you aren't prepared for what might pop onto the screen next, it can be a shocking experience. You know? I mean, I was flipping through things like Blue's Clues and Philsbury Doughboy commercials, and then a faceless head!!!!

On a similar note...recently I was surfing the channels again and came up to the Discovery Health channel again. Lo and behold, I witnessed a machine that doctors were using to graft the skin off of a man in order to place it over his severe burns. It was like a cheese slicer! After that, they take this rectangle of skin and press into another machine which turns it into a mesh so it can stick onto the damaged area. Geez!! The story of the poor guy was that he was on fire and tried to stop, drop, and roll. But when he rolled, the carpet melted onto his skin. They don't teach you these sort of what-if's in school. Like, maybe, you shouldn't stop, drop, and roll if there's broken glass all on the floor. Or maybe, [Insert your own what-if's here].

Well, for all you blog readers out there who also like to watch tv, I give you this blog-warning. You may be able to master the elusion of commercials. You may be able to get a grasp of the 3-Step Sidestep. You may even be able to program a TiVo. But no matter how prepared you may think you are, the faceless man just might come to haunt YOU one day.

Crazy Person of the Day: Hannibal Lecter.

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Friday, June 10, 2005

Beechy
Current mood: discontent

When the sun is beaming and the marshmallow clouds are drifting by, I have a strong desire to be outside to enjoy the inherent optimism it brings. I'm 100 percent sure that when it's sunny out, people's spirits are much higher. I think I've read somewhere that there is a direct corellation of high suicide rate and places that have higher than average rainy/cloudy days.

Anyway, to break up my cycle, I decided to go for a bike ride instead of a jog today. I opened my garage and retrieved my bike, which was covered with a fine layer of green pollen. Of course, I must do the spider check. It seriously takes me about 2 full minutes to be satisfied that there aren't any creepy crawlies lurking about.

After the inspection, I set off down the sidewalk. When I go jogging, I usually walk up to the end of my block where I like to pet this cute dog. I've even developed a routine. As I'm approaching the gate, I start to jingle my house keys. She's come to associate the jingling with me and gets all excited now. I never once spoke to the owners, so I eventually gave her my own nickname. I thought about Pavlov, but it was too obvious. So, I called her Beechy because I live on Beech St. and she also has sandy-colored hair.

Anyway, as I approach the house on my bike, I dig into my pocket and get my keys. I start jingling them but notice that she didn't come to the gate. She's normally always out at this time, but I thought perhaps it was too hot today. I finally reach the gate and I notice a flyer that had been posted: LOST DOG.

Oh nooo! Not my Beechy! I was absolutely crushed! I knew then, my mission was to search high and low all over this town for my friend. I grabbed my cell and saved the phone number that was posted in case I did indeed find her. It was also revealed that her true name was Amber.

Off I went on my bike, jingling my keys every so often. I felt so confident that I'd find her somehow, despite the odds. I began asking anyone I came across if they had seen a stray with her description. Finally, a crossing guard gave me my first lead. She said she did see a dog yesterday at a certain location in town. It took her a while, but finally she gave me the intersection. I quickly thanked her and pedaled down the street, still jingling my keys.

I slowly came to a stop at the aforementioned intersection. I was feeling hopeless at that point and then I looked up. On the telephone pole was the same flyer I saw earlier about Beechy. And right below that flyer was another one that read: FOUND It also had a picture of the found dog, but it wasn't quite Beechy. It was a very similar looking dog, but definitely not Beechy. This could have been the dog that the crossing guard saw.

I took a turn down the intersection all the way to the edge of town. I thought I'd try my luck at the park. Dogs like open spaces. Maybe she was there. No luck. The day was wearing thin, and the sun truly took a beating on me. I had to return home empty-handed and heartbroken.

Tomorrow morning, I will take my car around town again to see if I can find her. I'll also check with the local animal shelter to see if they've found her. So if anyone lives in or near Kearny, NJ, be on the lookout for a medium-sized, sandy-colored female dog, possible a mutt of some sort, who either responds to Amber, Beechy, or the jingling of keys.

Crazy Person of the Day: Alex Trebek. Sometimes the things he says when he's talking with the players on Jeopardy! after the first commercial break lead me to believe that he is nothing but completely insane.

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Monday, June 06, 2005

I Rode a Camel
Current mood: accomplished

True story. I rode a camel today. His name was Lenny. I was laughing the whole time. I thought to myself, "I can't believe this! I'm riding a friggin' camel!" I sat right on it's hump. It didn't feel too comfortable, but the absurdity of the situation numbed all physical sensations.

A few years ago, I wrote on my To Do Before I Die List that I wanted to ride a camel or elephant. I'll tell you, it keeps me motivated to get off my ass and do crazy things! I totally work better with lists for some reason, otherwise I become a procrastinator.

Granted, I still haven't streaked like I promised. I think I need more people to talk me into it. Like if someone bet me I wouldn't do it, maybe that would push me over.

Anyway, back to the camel. Lenny was quite docile. Didn't say too much. He had horrible hygiene too. His teeth were crazy bad! And even though the place was littered with camel doo doo, which he was carelessly stepping in, things didn't smell as bad as I thought they would. Speaking of the poop, I also noticed these birds were coming down and eating it. Pretty disgusting.

Now I have to search for a place to ride an elephant. Suggestions would be appreciated, and please...no "mom jokes."

Crazy Person of the Day: The guy cleaning up camel poop with a rake. What a job!

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Saturday, June 04, 2005

Foreign
Current mood: confused

Why do many people think I look Scandinavian?

Crazy People of the Day: People who think I look Scandinavian.

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Friday, May 27, 2005

Dead Fish
Current mood: apathetic

I always found it strange to have a fish as a pet. My first problem with it is that you can't "pet" it. I'm sure the word "pet" came from what people commonly did to their domesticated animals back in the dust age. It's also a very short word and we Americans love short words.

Dogs, cats, hamsters, gerbils, mice, birds, even reptiles....you can pet. Fish are awkward to pet though. I suppose if you really wanted to, you could dip your hand into the tank and try to rub the slimy creature with your finger, but chances are that the fish will either A) be frightened and swim into it's stupid plastic castle or sunken pirate ship you gullibly thought it would like or B) try to bite you because your finger looks like the biggest worm they've ever seen.

Which leads me to another problem. Fish are not affectionate. They don't cuddle up next to you, they don't purr, they don't change expressions on their face, and they don't bring in the paper for you. This is probably why God thought they'd make good food. I mean, really. What would Jesus do if He came back and saw that you had fish as pets?

Ok, so the reason for this blog: I had a fish for a while. Not really by choice. It was a goldfish. Didn't even have a name. I refused to give it a name. Naming a fish is dumber than a box of rocks. Will it respond when you say, "Come here, Petey!" No.

For the last several months, the fish was swimming upside down. The first time I saw this, he was just floating there and I thought he was dead. YAY!! I started to get the little net and was going through in my head the whole process of removing that useless tank off the kitchen counter to make room for other utensils. As soon as I uncovered the lid, he started swimming. Damn!

This process went on for a while. You would think I'd learn after the 5th, 6th, 20th time! Every day, I'd go into the kitchen, see that fish upside down, and for a split second, think "He's dead!" Oh no. He's not. It's like when your electricity goes out in your house. You run to the room where the flashlight is, and what do you do? You try to flip on the lights. Seconds later, you go to use the bathroom, and what do you do? You try to flip on the lights. You go into the kitchen and think to yourself, "I could go for a piece a toast." Go to use the toaster....just smack yourself on the head already.

Anyway, the fish was getting worse. His belly was starting to bulge and he had trouble staying afloat. Oh great, now not only was he upside down, but now he sunk to the bottom too. I'll tell you, fish are useless, but this guy perfected playing dead!

He was a fighter....a survivor though. I gave him a few days to live. He lasted MUCH longer than that. I started to respect the guy. Here he is in this stupid little tank, with those ugly flouroscent pebbles at the bottom and a plastic green seaweed decoration. I'm sure he felt right at home. I eventually cleaned out his tank and removed the plastic decoration (because he was getting stuck in it from his inability to navigate efficiently). Every time he was fed, I noticed that even in his poor disposition, he still managed to find a way to eat those soggy flakes.

This brings us to today. I go into the kitchen and notice he's on his back at the bottom like he always is. I tap on the glass - this is what I've come to call the "Death Checker." Usually he'll start moving a little bit and flipping his little fins to try to get up. This time, he was motionless. I tapped harder....nothing.

He's finally dead. I debated for a while whether to flush him or bury him. Not wanting to go through all the trouble, I sided with the toilet. But as he lie in that net dangling over the porcelain bowl, I made a nice gesture. I reached my finger down, stroked him on the head, and said, "Goodbye, pet."

Crazy Person of the Day: Any person that buried their fish today.

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Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Christmas in May

Since it's May and totally inappropriate to talk about Christmas, I thought I'd talk about Christmas. I'm the first to admit that my memory is pretty bad. This completely sucks, because I'm really a sentimental kind of guy. I wish I could have someone tell me all the cool things I've forgotten from when I was younger. Anyway, not to get off track....

I do have a good memory to share and it's about this one Christmas many years ago. I guess I was around 6 or so at the time. Me and my brother were asleep, eagerly anticipating that magical moment when you awake on Christmas morning. This particular morning, we didn't wake up before our parents. They didn't wake us up by yelling up the stairs either, which was sometimes common. Nope.

Instead, we both woke up because my dad had turned the downstairs television up really loud. But it wasn't a TV show blaring or newscasters rambling. It wasn't cartoons and it wasn't a commercial. It was the bleeps and bloops of Pac-Man from the one and only Atari 2600.

After recognizing the sounds, me and my brother raced downstairs to the sight of my parents with joysticks in their hands, gobbling up the hundreds of dots on the screen... whacka, whacka, whacka. Then, bee-ooo-be-ooo, wooo, wooo wooo (eating the power pellet and chasing the ghosts).

It was so amazing! I'll never forget that memory.

Anyway, there are several emulations of Pac-Man on the internet. I've found one of them here: Click Here for Pac-Man!

See if you can beat my high score of 135,340, level 16.

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Fell Off My Chair Today
Current mood: nauseated

I fell off my chair today. But let me explain. Ok. It was your average day off. No work today. Had some errands to run later in the day, blah blah. I get on the computer. Check some email, check the news, weather, blah blah.

Every so often, I'll just Google random words or search for mundane answers to stupid questions I have. Somehow, I started searched for those rating sites. You know, the sites where you post your pictures and members rate your appearance. It seems that we've become a generation that likes to compare every little thing we see. We're obsessed with it. I mean, really. Haven't YOU ever started a sentence with, "Ok, on a scale from 1 to 10..."

I noticed in my search that there are quite a few things that people like to rate. For instance, people like to rate: specific body parts, teachers, lawns, cars, tattoes, thongs. There even was a site that lets you rate mullets! I am not shitting you.

Speaking of the devil, there was one site that left me in complete, utter disbelief. The site was ratemypoo.com. There's no way people would....nahhh. This must be a joke. And with a click of a mouse button, I fell off my chair.

It was the most vile, disgusting picture I had ever seen! It's branded on my poor brain! I am scarred. The fall to the ground was accompanied with lots of shouting and groaning and even some dry heaving. It was very difficult getting back to my computer. Strangely, it was exactly like the OPPOSITE of good cleavage: you know it's there, but you DON'T want to glance at it.

I wound up just hitting the power button on my computer. I know that's a cardinal "no no." But trust me, I would have thrown the monitor right through the window if I wasn't at all thinking in that moment.

So my advice to you Googlers and websearchers: Be careful in your online ventures. Sometimes a link of the spider's web breaks and you fall into a dark, dark place that can invoke damages not even your quick reflexes can repair.

Crazy Person of the Day: ANYONE who has posted a pic on the aforementioned website or ANYONE who has actually rated poop.

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Monday, May 16, 2005

Hear Me Sing
Current mood: good

Ok, I posted it. Click Here to hear it. I know I can't sing very well and yes, I will stick to the drums, but it was kinda fun to do. Makes me laugh.

Crazy Person of the Day: Well it was actually yesterday, but it was tie between two foreign guys at the International Food Festival in NYC speaking in horrible accents. One was yelling, "JERK CHICKEN!!!!" and the other was chanting, "Lemonade...$1, $1, $1." I snapped some pics of both of them and I'll be posting them soon.

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Thursday, May 12, 2005

Hear Me Sing...Oh God.
Current mood: creative

Yes, that's right. I will be posting a song I recorded. It won't be completely in tune. The quality will be terrible. And the music will definitely be sub-par. But, it shall be interesting at least. I've recorded most of it today using my MP3 player as the mic for everything. It's more like a scratch demo. Anyway, keep an eye out for it soon.

Crazy Person of the Day: Jade199 290, who called me today. I don't know who he/she is but that's what it said on the Caller ID. Could someone call it and tell me who this person is? The number is 206-415-8503. Ask them why they are trying to call Bob.

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Tuesday, May 10, 2005

82 Years Old
Current mood: rejuvenated

Today, at one of my lessons, I met an interesting lady. She was actually the grandmother of my student. I always feel shocked at the way older folks percieve life. In a way, it's refreshing. She was upbeat, smiling, and had nothing but compliments for me.

We only briefly spoke, but it left an impact on me. We somehow got on the topic of how old I was and I, as always, added "...but I look a lot younger than that." She said, "Ohh, you're still just a baby. I'm 82."

I never know how to respond to statements like that (which would explain a lot about my poor communication skills). So, I blurted out, "I hope I get to live that long!"

I thought for a moment, "Was that a mean thing to say? I didn't mean to gawk over how old she was." But before I could linger on it, she quickly came back with, "You will."

At that moment, a calm came over me. It was like she wasn't assuming or guessing I'd actually live to be 82. The look in her eyes said she KNEW I was going to. I felt like she was a prophet or something. It felt good. All I could do was stand there smiling, but at the same time dumbfounded.

I guess this was a shock to me because ever since I was around 10 or so, I had a strong feeling that I was going to die young....sometime in my late 20's. It was a thought that ran through my mind at least once a week up until this very day. Yet now, I feel as if that weight has been lifted. Holy crap! I'm going to live to be old!!!!

Crazy Person of the Day: Dave, who was working in the Wal-Mart Electronics department today. I have a keen ability to pick out people who are in a band. He was easy to spot: long hair, black heavy metal shirt, pentagram rings, and earings. Dave is the lead singer of a band called Speed Chamber. We got to talking because he had a problem with my purchase and needed a manager. I went to his band's site: www.speedchamber.com when I got home. He said I could get his e-mail and other info there. When I got there, the site said "New Website Coming Soon." Dave, you are crazy. Anyway, I'll be checking the site every day until it's up. ;-)

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Monday, May 09, 2005

My Birthday
Current mood: crushed

Yep....for my birthday today: Some cards, 1 e-card, $30 from my parents, 0 phone calls, 0 presents, and a headache to boot. Yipee. I'm glad to be alive. Let's celebrate.

You see, this is why I play it down. If I don't get excited about it, I can't be disappointed. I'm glad I told everyone I don't care. I know it's pathetic. And it's not about getting gifts or money....it's more about my inability to connect with people in such a way that makes them want to celebrate with me. I'm such an ass. Maybe this year I'll try to make some friends.

But I promise, this is the last you'll hear me be this depressing. Tomorrow = Back to Funny Blogman Day....because there are only 2 things I can depend on: crappy birthdays and Crazy People of the Day.

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Thursday, May 05, 2005

Dannon Follow-up
Current mood: confused

As promised - here is Dannon's response. My only question is: Why do they even bother with e-mail contact if they're just gonna give you a phone number?
------------------

Dear Mr. XXXXXXX,

Thank you for your recent contact with The Dannon Company Consumer Response Center.

We would like to have an opportunity to speak with you directly. Please
give us a call on our toll-free number, 1-877-DANNON-US (1-877-326-6668), Monday through Friday, 9 A.M. to 6 P.M. Eastern Time.

Thank you for your interest in Dannon. We look forward to speaking with you
soon.

Sincerely,

Lisa Moore
Consumer Service Representative
Crazy Person of the Day
Ref..:677798

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Sunday, May 01, 2005

May
Current mood: melancholy

May is here. Next week is my birthday. I will probably get some money from the family, a small gift or two, maybe an unthoughtful E-card and a few obligatory phone calls from people I haven't heard from in weeks. Sounds nice, doesn't it?

I almost dread it. I can't remember the last time I actually enjoyed my birthday. Oh well. Those are my thoughts for today. I know: not funny. What happened to Funny Bob? I'm not sure, but I'll put up flyers around town. Maybe I'll use the money from my birthday as the reward for finding him.

Crazy Person of the Day: Anyone that sees my flyers and actually attempts to find Funny Bob.

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Sunday, April 24, 2005

Follow-up to Mold
Current mood: irritated

Here is the copy of the e-mail I sent Dannon. I will post their response as soon as I get it.

I opened some Dannon Fruit on the Bottom Blueberry Yogurt. The expiration date was the day before, but I thought it might still be good. Inside, I noticed a small, dark, round "object" right on top. I seriously couldn't tell if it was a blueberry chunk or mold. It took me a few minutes, but I eventually got frustrated and bit into it. Luckily, it was a blueberry. I was a little upset that I bought Fruit on the Bottom Yogurt and got Fruit on the Top Yogurt.

..1. Is it common for "defects" like this to occur in your products?

..2. Does the nutrition of Dannon products change as it ages or if the expiration date passes and mold sets in?

Crazy Person of the Day: That lady who planted the finger in her own bowl of chili at Wendys.

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Giant Carrots
Current mood: thoughtful

I have an idea. It's a salad bar. Well, actually it's a salad bar and a bar where you can get drinks. And the salads wouldn't be in those communual tables either. It would kinda be like how subway makes sandwiches, except the person makes you a salad.

And all around the walls would be cage-like wiring. On the floor would be straw....almost like a barn. I was thinking, maybe we could put a few treadmills around the place, next to the jukeboxes. Or maybe there would be a DJ. Anyway, it could be a new craze. Patrons would set the treadmill at the tempo of the song and then dance while they're on it.

And for the kicker....I would have gigantic water dispensers on the walls of the cage. I'm not so sure people would be so quick to realize that they're being treated like a small, furry pet. There can even be tubing around the place for kids to crawl around in. I think it would be very hip.

Crazy Person of the Day: You, if you think this is at all feasible.

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Saturday, April 16, 2005

mold
Current mood: infuriated

Just a quick note. I was eating some Dannon Fruit on the Bottom Blueberry Yogurt. The expiration date was yesterday. I opened the yogurt and noticed a small, dark, round "object" right on top. I seriously couldn't tell if it was a blueberry chunk or mold. It took me a few minutes, but I eventually got frustrated and bit into it. Luckily, it was a blueberry. I will write Dannon a letter about this later. I am very upset that I buy Fruit on the Bottom yogurt and end up getting Fruit on the Top yogurt. I'm steaming mad.

Crazy Person (and things) of the Day: Mr. Dannon and his mechanical yogurt processing plants that don't deliver what the label says.

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Cookie Monster
Current mood: frustrated

As a kid, I watched Sesame Street. Even at a young age, I was very keen to details. Fortunately, my perception of reality never interfered with imagination. I say this because as I gazed at Cookie Monster - one of my favorite characters - I took notice of how he dined on his cookies.

Cookie Monster was a bit crazy, but that's what made him fun. His obsession with cookies was his thing. So as he shoved the cookie into his puppet mouth, I noticed that all the portions and crumbs just trickled right out onto the floor. HE WASN'T EVEN EATING THE DAMN COOKIE!

Being that young, I was at first excited that I wasn't tricked by the illusion of adults. Then, I became somewhat disappointed. I thought, he's really not eating the cookies. He's really not a cookie monster. Someone's trying to pull a fast one on us kids. Anyway, couldn't Sesame Street figure out a way to get the cookies into a hole in his mouth?? Then, I just let the whole thing go, but of course every time I saw Cookie Monster, I thought about these things... briefly.

And now, I notice that the Monster has made it back into the spotlight. It appears that Sesame Street wants to campaign this blue character as a more health-aware monster. So now, he'll be eating healthy items as well as a moderate amount of cookies.

Well, you know what?! He still doesn't have a hole in his mouth. So it doesn't matter what he shoves in his mouth...it's just going to fall out. Which makes me wonder: How the hell DOES he eat?

Crazy Person of the Day: The puppeteer for Cookie Monster.

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Sunday, April 10, 2005

DQ
Current mood: hyper

I was at a Dairy Queen earlier today. I noticed they had the nutritional information on the wall. Recently, I watched the documentary Super Size Me, in which some guy decides to eat McDonalds for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and learn the effect it has on his body.

Most people would be shocked at the results...which of course was bad. Most people would try to make some sort of effort to eat fast food less and be more careful about what they eat.

I scanned the nutritional chart for the item with the most calories. Thus, I continued and ordered the winner: a Large Chocolate Malt. 1320 calories. I must also mention that a Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Blizzard was also tied for first place.

I drank the 1320 calories in about 10 minutes. It would have been less if it weren't for brain freeze.

The best part about this experience was the look on the skinny cashier's face behind the glass when I was scanning out loud for the most caloric item. By the way, what's the deal with that thick glass anyway? It looks like a bank! Do they have ice cream robberies or something?

Anyway, the Large Chocolate Malt was good. I later burped up some of it, and it still tasted good. I'd say I got my $4.15 worth, especially when I got to retaste it a few more times in the follow-up burp-ups. Mmmm. Next time I visit DQ, I'll get the Large Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Blizzard.

Crazy Person of the Day: Me, because someday I will make a documentary called "Something Different" on fast-food dessert places, where I eat Dairy Queen for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and post my results.

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Monday, March 14, 2005

The List
Current mood: creative

Ok. So I have this list in my head of things I haven't done. Things that I would like to do just to experience life in new ways. For instance, I'd like to skydive someday. Another item on my list is something of a fad that has faded out a while ago, which is to streak in a public place. I'm planning on doing it sometime soon. It will require an elaborate plan. I know I'll have to do it late at night - don't want the chance of any small children being scarred for life. I'll also have to select a location. I was thinking maybe by the local newspaper office or inside a fast food restaurant. I'll also have to have a point of drop-off from a car, a set route to streak, and a quick getaway. I'll start working on the details and I'll post my results after it happens. This should be fun and entertaining! ... plus I'll knock off an item on my list. ;-)

Crazy Person of the Day: Do I really have to tell you?

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Thursday, December 30, 2004

Derek
Current mood: distressed

I almost got drafted to the Yankees tonight. Let me explain.

I drove to the local Target to buy a humidifier. As I was searching for a parking spot, I found one next to this nice, brand new Cadillac. Whenever I exit my vehicle, I always check the front of the car to see how close I pulled in to the car in front of me. It's sort of like a game - to see how close I can get without hitting it. I notice that, although I did not hit the car, the plastic framing of our license plates were touching. I was debating whether this was as close as I could get, or if it was a violation of my game.

Anyhow, there was a person loading a bunch of stuff into the Caddy that was parked next to me. I noticed he was staring at me, wondering what the hell I was doing. I become slightly embarassed and started walking to the entrance, but I looked back at him. Hey, it's Derek Jeter from the Yankees! I'm not the type to gawk over celebrities, but it was kinda funny.

As we made eye contact, he yelled over to me, "Hey, I like your parking accuracy!" I walked over explaining my dilemna of if I violated the game or not by touching license plates. He replied, "If a pitcher grazes a batter, it doesn't really count as being hit by a pitch." We then briefly exchanges some banter about my baseball talent and he wanted to see me in action, mentioning something about how the team was looking to draft some unknown talent as a publicity stunt for the team.

Alright, I confess...the whole last paragraph was fabricated. Sorry. But I really did see him in the Target parking lot. I wonder if he picked up a humidifier as well.

Crazy Person of the Day: Whoever is responsible for not drafting me to the Yankees as a publicity stunt....because, damn, it would have made my story so much better.

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Friday, December 24, 2004

Electricity Scares Me
Current mood: embarrassed

This happened a few days ago:

It was your average night. I was seated at my computer, not unlike how I am right now. Out of the silence erupts this massive, low humming noise, following by a flash from the window behind me. Suddenly, my computer screen shuts off and I'm in the dark. All power in the house is briefly cut off, then comes back on again.

My reactions in those few seconds the power was out: Holy Hell! It's dark!!! I'm afraid of the dark. Mommy! Shut up...you're a grown adult now. Ok. I'm calm now. I'll just go find a flashligh....ahhh the power's back on.

Alright...it was just a brown out. But what in the world was that noise and flash. In the back of my mind, knowing my luck, I had this crystal clear image of the transformer in front of my house exploding causing a live wire to break loose and fall down on top of my car igniting it to certain total destruction.

I peer out my blinds and carefully investigate the surroundings. I notice nothing out of the ordinary. So I squint (because everyone knows that when you squint, you suddenly see things better) and gaze up at where the transformer is. I notice that on one of the wires there appears to be some sort of glowing or burning, intense greenish light. Could my preminition be coming true?? I slide down to the next window to get a different angle only to see the same thing. I also now notice that practically everyone on the block is on their cordless phones hanging halfway out there front door looking around.

I thought to myself that I could be the only one noticing this burning wire up on the pole - this wire that could at any point, fall and swing down on top of my car igniting it to certain total destruction. I quickly grab my phone and flip open the phonebook to call the town police about this serious situation. The gruffy policeman listened intently to my sincere description. After giving him my address, he reassured me that the appropriate measure will be taken.

The genius that I am....while I'm waiting for them to arrive, I figured I'd go outside and get a closer look. I cautiously leave my front door and start walking to the street. As I slowly approach, I notice the place on the wire where it was burning was no longer there. I back up slightly and find that it reappears. I squint again (of course to get a better look) and notice that the burning section of wire was actually just a small piece of metal or bracket of some sort reflecting some green Christmas lights my neighbors had put up.

As reality sunk in and complete, utter embarassment took over, something else catches my attention - the flashing red lights of a firetruck headed down my street. I dash back inside my house, flip off all the lights, and start praying that no one rings my doorbell to confirm anything. At this point, I'm laughing nervously to myself. I peer out the blinds one last time to catch the firemen shining their flood light up at the telephone pole and wires. Soon after, the truck slowly pulls away.

I think I will end with saying...uh...what can I say...um..Better safe than sorry? oops!

Crazy Person of the Day: I stubbornly refuse to accept this award. I shall pass the honor over to my neighbor, whose poor house is blanketed by no more than a gazillion Christmas lights and who probably caused this brown out by trying to add even more lights, leading me to make a simple mistake. I plead temporary stupidity.

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Sunday, November 07, 2004

suds
Current mood: amused

Quick story - Ran out of dishwasher soap today. Didn't want to clean by hand, so I decided that concentrated liquid dish soap should do the trick. I poured a good amount into the holder, turned it on, and left the room, thinking I've avoided manual labor. YAY.

I returned a little while later to witness soap suds gushing out of the dishwasher and a nice pool of water collecting on the kitchen floor. Not only did I have to clean up the mess, the dishes weren't even clean because I had to stop the cycle early. GRRRRR I might try laundry detergent next.

Crazy Person of the Day: Whoever dropped me on my head when I was a baby.

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Friday, November 05, 2004

Balls
Current mood: nostalgic

For those of you that don't know, I substitute teach every once in a while. Recently, while I was subbing in the high school level, one of my instructions was to have the class read aloud part of a chapter from their Chemistry textbook. I also had to make sure everyone got a chance to read.

I knew the class fairly well and I knew who the good kids and who the smartasses were in the room. As I call randomly on students to read, I usually scan the paragraph(s) to get a head start on anything I might have to explain. Things were going fine at this point.

Then I call on the one student (good kid or smartass? - you decide in moment). He begins reading. I scan ahead and notice that I made a terrible mistake. (It figures!) I notice that the word "balls" was being used quite frequently in some sort of chemistry example that the textbook was trying to explain.

So there I am, thinking and debating to myself: Is this kid gonna read this without the giggles? Surely, I thought to myself, he wouldn't do that. He's too old for that kinda nonsense. Then I began to ponder my school days, where we'd crack up at any homonym that could be misconstrued as something vulgar. And, to tell you the truth, I haven't really grown up much because I was even thinking about how funny it would be if I were in his situation. No, but surely this wouldn't happen, especially when I'm substituting. Ugh.

As the student slowly approached the non-stop onslaught of "balls," I began to sweat profusely. I needed to keep a straight face in front of these kids if this guy decided to pull any tricks. I needed to set the example. I needed to show these students that there's a time and a place for these things and that they ought to be focusing on what the textbook is trying to explain.

Then, he said it. He said it with equal excitement and amusement. I could see the writing above his head as he said it: Exploit This Word. BALLS. He said it with such vulgarity and emphasis. And with each time he had to repeat the word, his emphasis and excitement grew. BALLS. Forget being mature. Forget worrying about getting in trouble. He was just reading from the book. BALLS. He said it over and over again. He even stopped to repeat it, as if questioning it's pronunciation. BALLS? He even made his own comment, "What's with all the balls?"

The class was laughing and giggling, and I was on the verge of breaking my straight face. I wanted to join them, but I couldn't. I had to clench my stomach to prevent myself from letting out a sigh of humiliating laughter. Eventually the joke got old, but the kid kept saying it in that tone. I had to interupt him and say, "Okay!!! We all get it. BALLS!"

And with that, my Chemistry lesson was lost. I'm sure none of the kids remembered what we just read, other than the fact that "balls" was in some sort of example. Heck, even I don't remember what it was about.

Crazy People of the Day: The author, editor, & publisher of that Chemistry textbook

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Saturday, October 23, 2004

Twilight Zone
Current mood: disappointed

Twilight Zone: The Movie is quite a frightening movie, especially the last of the 4 segments. Here, John Lithgow plays John Valentine, a horrified airplane passenger on a stormy flight who discovers a gremlin is at work destroying the airplane's engines. But everytime he tried to show someone, it disappears.

Anyway, I knew that this segment was a remake from an episode of the original Twilight Zone television series, starring a young William Shatner in 1963. I guess since Halloween is approaching, I really wanted to see it. After finding it's next air time and waiting a full week in excitement and anticipation, I finally saw it today.

I was watching the episode. All was going great and then when the gremlin makes its appearance, I practically fell on the floor in laughter. It was a man in a monkey suit!!!! I mean, I knew the effects weren't going to be spectacular, but this was rediculous! Shatner did an excellent job of being paranoid and scared, but when I saw the monkey, it lost all its sincerity. I could barely stand to watch the rest of the show. The makeup was pretty bad too. When the camera zoomed in on it for a full 7 seconds, it was all over for me.

So if you haven't seen this episode, I highly recommend it for a HUGE laugh. It's called "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet."

Crazy Person of the Day: Nick Cravat, God rest his soul, the man in the monkey suit

Click here for a pic of the monkey!

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Friday, October 15, 2004

Newton
Current mood: embarrassed

Ok, I've told this story enough now that I should probably put it into a blog:

It was a dark and stormy night...ok, well it wasn't stormy and I guess all nights are pretty dark. Eh hem...It was night. Not much was stirring until I heard this loud crash.

I couldn't quite tell if it was inside or outside the house. My first suspects were the cats. They must have some form of OCD because if there's anything that is lying precariously in the house, they feel the need to knock it over in the middle of the night.

I get up and investigate the rooms expecting to find a laundry basket or something on the floor and a cat with a "oh crap I'm in trouble" look on its face. To my surprise nothing in the house was disturbed. Perplexed, I curiously go back to bed.

It is not until the next morning I discover what had happened from my neighbor upstairs. Apparently her daughter was attempting to remove her air conditioner from the window when she lost control of it. The cord got tangled on her finger and ripped right out of the unit, allowing it to drop many feet downward onto my air conditioner, never reaching the ground. The daughter had to go to the hospital for a severely swollen finger, but she was okay.

My neighbor asked me to see what I could do about getting the air conditioner down for them. Now here comes the intelligence only I could have. Obviously, I could not pull it in through the window because it wouldn't fit with our air conditioner already in place. And I couldn't remove mine either because it was pinned down by the weight of the other. I did not have a ladder tall enough to reach the window from the outside either. Hmm, what can I do?

The gears started turning in my head. I thought maybe I could repel the machine down slowly with some rope or something. After searching quickly for some rope, the best I could come up with was some twine. Keep in mind, I did consider it's weakness in supporting a heavy appliance such as the one in question.

I tied the twine around the air conditioner and wrapped it around the bed post inside. I sloooowly nudged it over the edge of my air conditioner. It was halfway over, then finally at the point where all the weight shifted and gravity took command, the twine snapped. The was a brief moment of silence that seemed to last eons. It captured the moment perfectly.

Dusting off my hands, I cleaned up the twine, shut the window, and went outside to see what I had done. Fortunately, the now completely fallen air conditioner was still in one piece. I lugged it up to the curb and debated whether I would tell anybody what I tried to do. I guess this story was too funny not too tell anyone, but I thought about it being one my secrets that I could refer to for my own personal enjoyment. But no. Of course I'm a blabbermouth.

Crazy Person of that Day: My neighbor, for trusting that I could accomplish such an awkward task.

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Thursday, October 14, 2004

Cheryl
Current mood: thoughtful

I was sitting here thinking about the name Cheryl. The first thing I thought of was that the only word that rhymes with Cheryl is peril. Hmmm. I also thought it looks very similar to the word "cherry." And also, you could shorten it just Cher, but unfortunately some old music diva has exclusive rights to that causing Cheryls all over the world wanting people not to shorten their name. Then there's the confusing phonetics of the "ch" being pronounced "sh." Why? Because the person that invented the name thought they were being creative when really all they were doing was pissing people off.

So let's see what we have here. An iminently ruined, mispronounced fruit that wants to turn back time....babe. But then something startling happened.

Here I am on MySpace, when a Cheryl e-mails me, commenting me on my blogs. It seems that I've put a smile on her face at least one time today. She sends me a nice message, provoking me to view her profile. This Cheryl is hardly a ruined fruit. Although she may be interested in peril, she certainly doesn't live her life in it. And her pictures evoke a clarity and warmness that Cher couldn't possess no matter how many face lifts she got. I'd be honored to mispronounce her name in her presence. It might even make me giggle.

So what have we learned? A name is a name, like a book cover is a book cover. Sometimes you shouldn't think too much about trivial things, no matter how entertaining it may be. So Cheryl, this blog's for you! Cheers!

Crazy Person of the Day: Myself, for obvious reasons

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Friday, September 10, 2004

The Jog
Current mood: energetic

Went for a 7:30am jog. I forgot how many people are actually up doing things at such a time. At least I now realize, again, that I'm missing a whole chunk of my day. But it'll be rough trying to consistantly get up that early. After my jog, I had no choice. I had to take a nap. Must obey the body.

Anyway, I decided to jog a different route. I like this way the best so far. Not many crazy people to note on my trip. I guess all the normal people get up in the morning. However, when I was jogging in place at a corner, waiting for a light to turn, this lady in her car was obsessively staring at me. I did one of those "ok, she's staring at...look away...ok, she's still staring at me, ok this in uncomfortable" deals.

Crazy Person of the Day: Crazy Staring Lady in Car...stop looking at my package!

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Wednesday, September 08, 2004

G-String
Current mood: creative

Had to buy some guitar strings today. I recently broke my high E-string when I was trying to clean them. The oils on my fingers were making all the strings emit this green grime that was getting onto my fingers, so I figured I'd just get a cloth and wipe them off. In order to do this, I had to loosen all of the strings. Well, I forgot that the high E tuning peg went the opposite way than the other 5 strings, so....SNAAAAAP! I'm always afraid that it's going to puncture my eyeball.

Well, I cleaned off the rest of the strings and also noticed that my G-string (the one on the guitar) had part of the coil wrapping missing by the second fret. So when I went to the crappy local music store, I got both strings. I was a little nervous buying them, because I'm really a drummer and I don't do this frequently. I wanted to make sure I say the right thing. So of course the guy asked me what gauge and I panicked. I said, "Um...you know, whatever you got." What an idiot I am. The guys starts rambling about how they are all different. He finally just gave me the 2 strings, and I was out of there. I went home and replaced the strings without incident. Now I have 2 good sounding strings at least. I should have replaced them all, but I'm such a cheapskate. Anyway, that was my adventure for the day.

So my crazy guy of the day goes to: Crazy Local Music Shop Guy

Gonna go jogging tomorrow, so I'm sure I'll see someone crazy while I'm out. I'll report as soon I get back.

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Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Chinese
Current mood: surprised

Just ordered Chinese food. It got here in under 15 minutes. Unbelievable. I've spent longer time just trying to open the wrapper to the fortune cookie. I had to commend the delivery guy. They've always gotten our order right, it's always quick, and it's always good. Kudos.

Next Tuesday is our gig in NYC at a place called Pianos. We're opening for a great artist named Joseph Arthur. If you haven't heard of him yet, please check him out. It'll be worth it. Unfortunately this gig is sold out, so if you want to see us next, you'll have to wait until 9/24/04 at The Luna Lounge in NYC. Check www.shamra.net to stay updated.

Crazy Person of the Day: The Chinese delivery guy for somehow knowing exactly what I want and for sleeping outside my house in a hidden tent waiting with it over a portable heater until I call him.

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Monday, September 06, 2004

Amusement
Current mood: pissed off

Went to an arcade yesterday. I haven't been to one in a while, but I've always loved video games. I've noticed there a lot more games that require 8 tokens. That's ridiculous. I watched kids all day long pump $2 in these games for less than a minute of entertainment. Even the $1 games I've played, mostly the ones with the infrared guns, were a complete ripoff. If you're not a master at the game, your game will end in 30 seconds. There were also a lot of broken games. When I called the attendant, all he did was either give me back my tokens or pretend to fiddle with the inside of the coin slot. So even though I got my money back, the game was still broken, and no "Out of Order" sign was posted. I'm sure they'll have a technician look at it. lol

Also went bowling last night. It was fun, but I definitely can't bowl like I used to. I remember getting in the high 100's and even scoring over 200 a few times. Now, I'm lucky to get over 100. Not that I was sincerely trying my best....I was more into just having fun. And is it me, or shouldn't everone know the unwritten rule not to bowl while the person next to you is bowling? It annoys me.

Crazy Person of the Day: Saw a crazy guy on top of this pedestal for an apartment complex sign, dancing and doing weird gestures with headphones on.

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Saturday, September 04, 2004

Verdi and Stuff
Current mood: tired

Went to NYC with some friends last night. Ate a place called La Traviata in Brooklyn. I wagered that very few of the staff know that La Traviata is a Verdi opera. Thanks to a nutty professor I had in college, I not only knew that, I saw a performance of it. Anyway, dinner was nice, and afterwards we walked to the Promenade for one of the best views of the NYC skyline.

The night was fine until I tried to get back home. Trains leave constantly at Penn Station, but not so much at Secaucus Junction. I apparently didn't consider this, and I had to wait until 1am for the next train. Ok God, I've learned my lesson, but don't be surprised if I screw up again. Unfortunately, the train was 20 minutes late, creating mass - I shouldn't say "mass" because there was only about 15 of us waiting - confusion over where the train was. This crazy guy starts nervously rambling to the police officer about how this always happens and how he's written letters to NJ Transit. He was really angry, but kept himself under control, so I give him props for not losing it. So we did eventually get home. Oh, one of the conductors that took our tickets on the previous train saw our destination and mumbled, "Holy S***." It was hysterical, but then I was trying to reason why he said it...was it 1) he knew that the next train wasn't until 1am at Secaucus 2) he knew that next train is always late, or 3) he agrees with me and thinks our destination station is probably the scariest, spookiest looking stations on the whole line. In any case, the way he said it had me repeating it the whole way home.

My next night out with friends should be interesting. Sounds like the whole band wants to go. We're going to a place that has a mechanical bull. There's already competition to see who can stay on the longest. I've got to start training.

Crazy Person of the Day: Frustrated NJ Transit Passenger mentioned above

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Thursday, September 02, 2004

The Accident
Current mood: accomplished

Had a gig with Shamra at The Saint in Asbury Park, NJ. What a crappy awning! It's definitely worse than CBGB's awning. I think clubs shouldn't be compared by how great they sound. They should only be compared to how their awning looks. Anyway, we played with Michael Ferentino and Stargazer Lily (www.stargazer-lily.com). I enjoyed both of their sets. Both are excellent artists. However they were both upstaged that night, and not by us...

While we were getting ready to leave, I heard a car accident down the street by the railroad tracks. I though this could be it. (It's been a recurring dream that I have that one day I'll have to rescue people from an accident) Since I was the closest, I ran to the scene. The impact wasn't to the exteme of my dream, but it was no fender bender. The side of one car was badly bashed in with broken glass everywhere. I made sure everyone wasn't injured first of all....not like the policeman that came to the scene with my accident several years ago. The 2 people in one car were fine, and the lady in the other car said she hit her chest on the steering wheel, but she thinks she's okay. I then asked if the lady needed to use my cell, and she did. I helped her dial her husband since she still seemed to be in a little shock. After her call, I suggested that they turn off their engines just to be safe, in case anything was leaking. Then, realizing that cars were still going around them through the intersection, I told them to put on their emergency lights so no one rear ends them. After making sure she didn't need my cell again, she thanked me and told me I was so helpful.

Well, I didn't exactly fufill my dream, but I felt good that I could help.

Crazy Person of the Day: The pre-teen kid circling on his bike at the scene of the accident...what was he doing out this late on a school night???

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Thursday, September 02, 2004

Pears
Current mood: confused
Had 2 servings of canned pears in pear juice from concentrate. Oddly, on the label, it says there's no Vitamin A or C. After finding a website with nutritional information for regular pears, it says that it does have some Vitamin A and C. I guess it's all in the skin, or maybe processed fruits just suck. I'll schedule an appointment with The Man.
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