What Will Your Discography Be?

Life is like music. A generation is an opus. A decade is a box set. A year is an album. A month is an EP. A week is a single. A day is a song. An hour is a chorus. A minute is a phrase. A second is a note.

Each day, you get a chance to write a song, so to speak. All we have are the things we say and the things we do. It seems like an easy thing to do: to control these 2 things. But any fool could even tell you it's not. Sometimes a horribly placed note can ruin a song. But we try to learn from those mistakes. We try to become prolific composers in our own world. We learn how to arrange those notes into coherent phrases. The most memorable part of your day is the chorus. Maybe one hour in your life changed a person's life or your own. Besides, these are the hooks that shape us.

At the end of the day, you've finished your song. Maybe your pet ran away or your car finally quit on you or your girlfriend left you. Yep, you wrote a country song. Maybe you sat around and got high with a bunch of your old college buddies. Yep, you wrote a jam song. Maybe you scored with 3 babes in one night and then rode a motorcycle into a fountain. Yep, you wrote a rock song. Maybe you got caught looking at the wiener of the guy who was peeing next to you in the bathroom. Yup, you just covered George Michael. You get the point.

The notes can pass by so quickly. Sometimes there are others that create great harmony with you...sometimes they create dissonance. Hopefully, they always resolve. Take time to notice these notes. Listen to other people's music. You're not a one-hit wonder. The analogies can go on forever. I guess this is an aspect I've always been attracted to about music. It's a philosophy I can understand. We all emit these vibrations. Like in the song "Good Vibrations" - no not by The Beach Boys. The Marky Mark song. He says, "Yeah. Can you feel it, baby? I can too." Ha-ha, no I'm just kidding! No, but really, later in the song, he says, "Making you feel the rhythm is my occupation. So feel the vibration." That's what I'm talking about...I think.

Top 10 Reasons Why I'm Not a Jerk

There's been a lot of speculation out there that I might be a jerk, so I just wanted to clear my name.

10. I enjoy working with and being around children. I once came up with an invention that calmed kids suffering from attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder called Tranq-kid-lizers, that operated similarly to blow darts.

9. I love animals. When I was much younger, I teased my pet dog by dangling a Twizzler in my mouth. As he quickly snatched it from me, he took a piece of my lip with him. I didn't hold it against him.

8. I care about world hunger. When I sit down to eat, no matter how much is on my plate, I make sure I finish every last bite because I know there are starving people in Africa. Sometimes, I almost puke. But I don't...'cause, well, there are starving people.

7. I give great advice. A friend of mine was thinking about killing himself and I told him, "you shouldn't do that." Luckily, that's all it took and he's still with us to this day!

6. I give blood. I asked the nurse if there was any way they could specially store my blood so I would be the only one to use it in case I was in some horrible accident. She didn't honor me with an answer, but I still gave blood anyway.

5. I do volunteer work. An acquaintance asked me if I wanted to volunteer for an event that his organization was holding. I told him that since he was asking me, I wasn't technically volunteering to do it. He disagreed. After about 5 minutes of very intense debate, I conceded.

4. I respect the elderly. Whenever an old person is driving really slow in front of me, I don't honk. I might curse, tailgate, or illegally pass them as I flip them the bird, then cut them off, but I don't honk. That would be very jerk-ish.

3. I'm an environmentalist. The first thing I did when I moved in here was update my bathroom to make it "green." It was previously a boring white color and I can't deal with that in the morning. Plus, the green makes me think about the environment and the things I possibly could be doing to help contribute to help save our planet.

2. I'm sensitive. I cried a lot during this year's Olympics. One of the young Chinese gymnasts wobbled on the balance beam and fell off, thus ruining her chance at obtaining any sort of medal and shattering a dream she's been chasing for 4 years. When she did that little dance trying to maintain her balance, I laughed so hard, I cried. it was hysterical!

1. I never brag about all the reasons why I'm not a jerk.

I think it would be interesting if....

the presidential debates were conducted in the manner of YouTube comments.

Kurt Cobain was still alive.

gasoline was illegal.

the whole world was blind.

the winds from hurricanes smelled like farts.

we lost the Revolutionary War.

Christina Applegate donated her boobies to the Museum of Natural History.

they made a sequel to The Princess Bride.

9/11 never happened.

at the moment of conception, a bell would ding.

people said what they really thought.

McCain and Obama arm wrestled.

television was never invented.

instead of a handshake, having sex was the customary greeting.

there was a cure for cancer.

Mr. T showed up at my door with balloons.

the government took away all of our current debts.

our world was half the size that it is.

I had a reality show.

Jesus comes back tomorrow, but he all he wants do is play Wii.

people actually got what they deserved.

you told someone about this blog.