Email Etiquette

I don't care if you spell tons of words wrong in an email - whether on purpose or accidentally. I don't care if you use wrong grammar or punctuation. I don't care if you somehow manage not to cross your t's (that would be weird). I don't care if it takes a few days to get back to me. I don't care what font or color you use. I don't care if there are tons of pics or a large file attached. I don't care if you leave the subject blank.

But

If I ask you a question in an email, I expect an answer. Most frustrating of all: if I ask you more than one question and you only answer the last question, I might become a serial killer. Sometimes, I'll purposely make the email VERY short because I have a suspicion that this person won't answer everything if I get too into the details. Hypothetical example:

Me: Hello. What is you favorite color? What state do you live in?

Response: Hi! I live in Kentucky!

Now, put that example into something a little bit more important...say...something to do with you financial situation.

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Open Letter to Marty McFly

An Open Letter from Doc Brown to Marty McFly

Dear Marty-

Having recently reviewed the surveillance footage of the events of the night you went back to 1985, I couldn’t help but be slightly taken aback by your spurious reasoning of only allowing TEN FUCKING MINUTES to save my life. Ten minutes??? Really. You actually thought that you could get from the Courthouse to Twin Pines Mall (I’m sorry, I mean LONE Pine Mall now – way to run over a tree) in ten minutes. What the hell did you think that could accomplish? What were you going to do? Vanquish the Libyans with your shortness? Yeah, I said it. YOU’RE TINY. Listen, you little feathered-haired leprechaun, any one of these Hill Valley mouthbreathers would have had the good sense to go back, oh I don’t know, AT LEAST A DAY to give me time to prepare for the Middle East extremists and their Summer of Love van of fucking DEATH, what with having a device that has mastered the dimension of TIME and all. And I’m INCLUDING Biff in that group. You are lucky that I have a compulsive disorder when it comes to taping paper back together. Otherwise you’d have been as useless as Einstein with a Vernier caliper. Mark my words, Stuart Little, as SOON as I get this DeLorean up and running again (thanks for turning my car into a fucking lightning rod, BTW) I SWEAR I am going to go back and convince Jennifer to dump your Hobbit ass so you can go on that dumbshit camping trip alone.

Thanks for watching me get shot twice,

PS - You’re fucking CHICKEN.

Stuff

I don't like stuff. I mean i like certain stuff, but most stuff I don't like. The problem, especially with Americans, is that we collect stuff. Why? Because we can. If people that couldn't collect stuff, could collect stuff, they would. Not only do we buy things we don't need, we buy things we don't need and don't even like that much. We might not ever use it. Or we'll use it once or twice, then it becomes a dust magnet somewhere in the trenches of our home. Then, there are free things. I guess in an attempt to get rid of these things, we give them away to other people, damn well knowing their irresistible urge to collect stuff.

Hey, you never know when you'll need a 20 pack of Super Hook Wall Hangers (as seen on TV). Perfect for home, office, or school. Holds up to 100 lbs. And, no, i haven't used one yet. But I have them, just in case. Heck, I could plug two of them into a wall and it would support my weight. I could install a floating chair from the wall!

Recently, I've been trying to get rid of stuff. Most of it is garbage. Other things I've been giving away. I can't take it anymore. Stuff!!!!! I don't want! My ideal home is very simplistic. I would call it Post-Modern Chic Minimalism. I want the homes that you see in the magazines - the ones you look at and say, "no one lives there." But I want to live there.

So, anything I come across in my home, I look at it and it gets judged. Do I need this thing? Has anyone used it in months? No? Bye-bye.

So take this as a warning, stuff. Your time is up.

1st Goal Reached!

I'm 170! Lost a total of 9 lbs. My next goal is 159 lbs. It'll be gradual, but I'll get there.

Dominoes of Death

Police discovered that the Santa gunman who killed 9 people earlier this week and then himself had recently lost his job and wife. It's horrible. It should be illegal to lose a job or leave a spouse if one or the other had recently happened. Some other things that should be factored in: the death of a spouse or close family member, a pet running away or dying, your best friend cheating on you, your house burning down, being paralyzed in an accident, finding out you have a terminal illness...you get the point. Of course it's impossible to prevent certain things from happening, but in certain cases, maybe it should be mandatory that if ANY two of the above-mentioned items or similar events happen to one person, they are immediately rushed to a facility for evaluation and treatment. Oh, we can also factor in losing your car keys. Man, I hate when that happens.

PS: I haven't weighed myself recently. I'm afraid. The holidays suck with endless supplies of snacks and desserts. I'll weigh in next time...after I've run a marathon on the treadmill.

5 lbs and naming underwear

Ok, I've lost 5 lbs since my last post. Go me! The medical recommendation for my height is 136 - 179 lbs. For the record, I'm already within this range, but more toward the higher end. I'm working toward getting to the lower end (and eliminating some of my OWN lower end, if you know what I mean.) The average weight that other people of my age, height, weight and gender would describe as their ideal weight is 170. So my first goal is to get to that weight. Of course, men tend to say their ideal weight should be higher than what is healthy (and women do the opposite). So after that goal, I should strive for even lower. There are many tables that have been created for ideal height/weight ratios. According to a table created by Metropolitan Life Insurance company in 1979, the lowest range for my height is 157. From there, I would love to be back at 145-150 again.

1st goal: 170
2nd goal: 157
Final goal: 145-150

Does anyone have a favorite pair of underwear? I do. I call him Blue. Oh, what? You don't name your underwear? I do. They all have names. I didn't start doing this until I was in my 20's. I don't know why, but it's fun. Hey, if you can make ANY part of your life a tad more enjoyable, I say go for it.

Some other names of my undies: Baby Blue, Turtle, Frogger, Algebra, Lumberjack, Midnight, Skyscraper, St. Robert (cause they're holey...get it, holey, holy), and Electric Lemonade.

If you haven't tried naming your underwear, you're missing out.

Tread on me

I've never been good at gaining OR losing weight. My body just likes to weigh what it weighs. I can eat like a horse (do horses really eat a lot?) or eat nothing for weeks and I will always maintain my weight. Girls get jealous when I say this. Guys don't care.

Since I started at my new job over a year ago, I've been fairly sedentary. I love sports, jogging, hiking, and just being outdoors in general, but(t) this year has been a Sit On My Ass year, pretty much. Well, I did jog some over the summer, but not as much as years before. And winters are notoriously bad for me, since I have trouble jogging outside in the cold.

I feel unfit. Not that I'm overweight by anyone's standards, but I'm gonna try to lose some pounds. I'm cutting back fast foods & processed foods and I'm getting back into a routine again, especially now that I moved my treadmill to the bedroom. It previously resided in my basement, where I couldn't use it without hitting my head on the ceiling.

So, since this is a blog, I guess I should keep a log of my progress. So, today marks 0 lbs lost. I'll weigh myself everyday and post the stats as I write my entries here. Wish me luck.