Open Letter to Marty McFly

An Open Letter from Doc Brown to Marty McFly

Dear Marty-

Having recently reviewed the surveillance footage of the events of the night you went back to 1985, I couldn’t help but be slightly taken aback by your spurious reasoning of only allowing TEN FUCKING MINUTES to save my life. Ten minutes??? Really. You actually thought that you could get from the Courthouse to Twin Pines Mall (I’m sorry, I mean LONE Pine Mall now – way to run over a tree) in ten minutes. What the hell did you think that could accomplish? What were you going to do? Vanquish the Libyans with your shortness? Yeah, I said it. YOU’RE TINY. Listen, you little feathered-haired leprechaun, any one of these Hill Valley mouthbreathers would have had the good sense to go back, oh I don’t know, AT LEAST A DAY to give me time to prepare for the Middle East extremists and their Summer of Love van of fucking DEATH, what with having a device that has mastered the dimension of TIME and all. And I’m INCLUDING Biff in that group. You are lucky that I have a compulsive disorder when it comes to taping paper back together. Otherwise you’d have been as useless as Einstein with a Vernier caliper. Mark my words, Stuart Little, as SOON as I get this DeLorean up and running again (thanks for turning my car into a fucking lightning rod, BTW) I SWEAR I am going to go back and convince Jennifer to dump your Hobbit ass so you can go on that dumbshit camping trip alone.

Thanks for watching me get shot twice,

PS - You’re fucking CHICKEN.

Stuff

I don't like stuff. I mean i like certain stuff, but most stuff I don't like. The problem, especially with Americans, is that we collect stuff. Why? Because we can. If people that couldn't collect stuff, could collect stuff, they would. Not only do we buy things we don't need, we buy things we don't need and don't even like that much. We might not ever use it. Or we'll use it once or twice, then it becomes a dust magnet somewhere in the trenches of our home. Then, there are free things. I guess in an attempt to get rid of these things, we give them away to other people, damn well knowing their irresistible urge to collect stuff.

Hey, you never know when you'll need a 20 pack of Super Hook Wall Hangers (as seen on TV). Perfect for home, office, or school. Holds up to 100 lbs. And, no, i haven't used one yet. But I have them, just in case. Heck, I could plug two of them into a wall and it would support my weight. I could install a floating chair from the wall!

Recently, I've been trying to get rid of stuff. Most of it is garbage. Other things I've been giving away. I can't take it anymore. Stuff!!!!! I don't want! My ideal home is very simplistic. I would call it Post-Modern Chic Minimalism. I want the homes that you see in the magazines - the ones you look at and say, "no one lives there." But I want to live there.

So, anything I come across in my home, I look at it and it gets judged. Do I need this thing? Has anyone used it in months? No? Bye-bye.

So take this as a warning, stuff. Your time is up.

1st Goal Reached!

I'm 170! Lost a total of 9 lbs. My next goal is 159 lbs. It'll be gradual, but I'll get there.