I'm Alive

You'll never grasp the understanding of being alive until you've kill something that potentially could have killed you. Technology and remembering to maintain technology are what saved me. I smelled death, tragedy, loss, ruin, and destruction in that late, cool evening. It could have been too late if it weren't for the alarm. I didn't run down the stairs. I floated, never remembering or feeling the steps beneath my feet. Even before the amber spikes appeared to me, I saw the glowing reflection off the wall of the stairway. In one frozen incarnation, I removed myself from the moment and every intimate hue of a fireplace I could remember flashed through my mind. A contrast that - for a fraction of a breath - couldn't have been more at odds.

Amazingly, I was as calm as ever. I tried smothering the beast with the very object it was burning, but struggled to make any progress. Seconds ticked by and I knew it only takes seconds for it to lose control, turning this beast into an unstoppable monster. Fire extinguisher? No. Kitchen rug? Yes! I grabbed it and threw it over and snubbed that little devil out. I took a moment and realized, I could have lost everything. The ones I love. The house I fought to keep. Sentimental possessions. My own life.

The fire was not big at all, but I know I'm lucky. I've never REALLY felt like anyone or anything was looking out for me until this moment. I feel like I've been straightened out. I feel like a mouth that just sucked in its first gulp of air after spitting out mouthwash. This fire ignited the self-awareness of being alive. My pulse means something again.

5K

I'm going to be running another 5K in April. I ran this same one 2 years ago. It's amazing to see all these little kids and old farts zooming past you like you were ankle deep in molasses. They post your time on the internet. I came in 333/1540 overall & 64/175 for my gender/age bracket. No kid under 10 beat me. However, in the 10-14 range, 8 boys and 3 girls beat me. The fastest boy in that range not only beat me, he killed it by 6 whole minutes! Also, 7 runners over 60 beat me. Grandpa had enough time to complete his crossword puzzle AND put on his sweater before I finished!

This year I know I can do a little better. I'm hoping to shave at least 3 minutes off. My goal is to try to crack the Top 100...and trip some of those damn rug rats while I'm at it!

Chasing My Tail

There are things to do and go through everyday. Big things. Small things. Looking for and getting a new job. Making the decision to have a baby. Tying your shoelace. Going to a concert. Going to a funeral. Buying clothes. Pursuing our dreams...or as I like to call it, "chasing our tails."

I don't mean that in a pessimistic way at all, though. What I mean, is it's not about all these things or even accomplishing anything. It's not about anything tangible or some certificate or award you put up on your wall. It's about the feeling you're left with after the experience of going through it all. These feelings tell you and everyone who you are.

If you look at it this way, it doesn't even matter if you've been through some horrible, horrible things in your life. It doesn't matter if you were dealt a bad hand. No matter where you're at in life, you have the ability to move forward. Time does it for you. It never leaves you stuck in a moment. So if things are bad, it'll be over soon. And when things are good, be thankful while it lasts. Dogs are so determined, happy & oblivious when running around in circles. Take a lesson from our canine companions, and never stop chasing your tail...sniff a butt while your at it.

Email Etiquette

I don't care if you spell tons of words wrong in an email - whether on purpose or accidentally. I don't care if you use wrong grammar or punctuation. I don't care if you somehow manage not to cross your t's (that would be weird). I don't care if it takes a few days to get back to me. I don't care what font or color you use. I don't care if there are tons of pics or a large file attached. I don't care if you leave the subject blank.

But

If I ask you a question in an email, I expect an answer. Most frustrating of all: if I ask you more than one question and you only answer the last question, I might become a serial killer. Sometimes, I'll purposely make the email VERY short because I have a suspicion that this person won't answer everything if I get too into the details. Hypothetical example:

Me: Hello. What is you favorite color? What state do you live in?

Response: Hi! I live in Kentucky!

Now, put that example into something a little bit more important...say...something to do with you financial situation.

arrhaharhrahhrahrhaharhrahh

Open Letter to Marty McFly

An Open Letter from Doc Brown to Marty McFly

Dear Marty-

Having recently reviewed the surveillance footage of the events of the night you went back to 1985, I couldn’t help but be slightly taken aback by your spurious reasoning of only allowing TEN FUCKING MINUTES to save my life. Ten minutes??? Really. You actually thought that you could get from the Courthouse to Twin Pines Mall (I’m sorry, I mean LONE Pine Mall now – way to run over a tree) in ten minutes. What the hell did you think that could accomplish? What were you going to do? Vanquish the Libyans with your shortness? Yeah, I said it. YOU’RE TINY. Listen, you little feathered-haired leprechaun, any one of these Hill Valley mouthbreathers would have had the good sense to go back, oh I don’t know, AT LEAST A DAY to give me time to prepare for the Middle East extremists and their Summer of Love van of fucking DEATH, what with having a device that has mastered the dimension of TIME and all. And I’m INCLUDING Biff in that group. You are lucky that I have a compulsive disorder when it comes to taping paper back together. Otherwise you’d have been as useless as Einstein with a Vernier caliper. Mark my words, Stuart Little, as SOON as I get this DeLorean up and running again (thanks for turning my car into a fucking lightning rod, BTW) I SWEAR I am going to go back and convince Jennifer to dump your Hobbit ass so you can go on that dumbshit camping trip alone.

Thanks for watching me get shot twice,

PS - You’re fucking CHICKEN.

Stuff

I don't like stuff. I mean i like certain stuff, but most stuff I don't like. The problem, especially with Americans, is that we collect stuff. Why? Because we can. If people that couldn't collect stuff, could collect stuff, they would. Not only do we buy things we don't need, we buy things we don't need and don't even like that much. We might not ever use it. Or we'll use it once or twice, then it becomes a dust magnet somewhere in the trenches of our home. Then, there are free things. I guess in an attempt to get rid of these things, we give them away to other people, damn well knowing their irresistible urge to collect stuff.

Hey, you never know when you'll need a 20 pack of Super Hook Wall Hangers (as seen on TV). Perfect for home, office, or school. Holds up to 100 lbs. And, no, i haven't used one yet. But I have them, just in case. Heck, I could plug two of them into a wall and it would support my weight. I could install a floating chair from the wall!

Recently, I've been trying to get rid of stuff. Most of it is garbage. Other things I've been giving away. I can't take it anymore. Stuff!!!!! I don't want! My ideal home is very simplistic. I would call it Post-Modern Chic Minimalism. I want the homes that you see in the magazines - the ones you look at and say, "no one lives there." But I want to live there.

So, anything I come across in my home, I look at it and it gets judged. Do I need this thing? Has anyone used it in months? No? Bye-bye.

So take this as a warning, stuff. Your time is up.

1st Goal Reached!

I'm 170! Lost a total of 9 lbs. My next goal is 159 lbs. It'll be gradual, but I'll get there.